Let the Poking and Prodding Commence December 15, 2009
So, with the decision made to jump back into the IVF boat, the testing began again. I had my day 3 bloodwork done last Tuesday and my hysteroscopy done Wednesday afternoon. I had high hopes that the hysteroscopy would be less torturous than my previous ones. I had always been told that a vaginal delivery would whip my wonky cervix into shape.
Not so much. That scope was no match for my cervix. I still have that sharp 90 degree turn in there, and the scope just could not make it through. My RE tried four times, three with ultrasound guidance, something which is usually not necessary, but no luck. He ended up just doing a vaginal ultrasound to check out the old ute, and it looked fine from that standpoint.
The good news was that he also did a mock transfer with an embryo catheter, and it went in fine. The scar tissue in my cervix was broken up with Adam’s delivery, so the catheter went in much more easily than it ever had before. My RE said that it would probably end up being fine to do my ET this time around without IV sedation, but that he felt we should do it anyway to be on the safe side.
I only had 10 antral follicles, half what I had during my hysteroscopy appointment going into my last fresh cycle, but that was four years ago, so I guess it’s to be expected. Honestly, I’d be ok if I ended up with 10 mature eggs. My last fresh cycle I had 20 antral follicles and ended up with 30 eggs retrieved, 22 of those mature. Great except that as a result my E2 sky rocketed. And in all actuality, we probably don’t have enough motile sperm in that one vial to fertilize a ton of eggs anyway. (They had to use two vials to get enough for the 22 eggs that cycle.) So, let’s hope for the good old “quality over quantity” this time around.
Dan will get his bloodwork done next week, and then we just have to decide which month we want to cycle. I’ll start popping birth control pills on CD2 and then go in for a teach visit shortly thereafter to get my calender, turn in our consents, etc. (I’m pretty sure that even with the amount of time that has passed that I could shoot up in my sleep, so hopefully my nurse will spare me the actual “teaching.”)
I guess the only real decision left to make is when this is going to happen. January is bad for Dan at work, so it won’t be then. I’m hoping for February or March, but we’ll see.
So, back on the roller coaster we go for one more ride. Should be interesting.
Decisions, Decisions December 10, 2009
So, after my consult with my RE we had some options to consider. It didn’t take me long to figure out what I wanted to do, but like i said, Dan and I process things differently. I knew it would take him some time.
It ended up that we actually needed to decide before the 15th of this month. That’s the deadline for the medical savings plan contributions to be submitted at Dan’s job. If we were going to do IVF again (out of pocket again, of course) we would want to max out what we could put in.
So, we sat down and talked this past weekend. I knew Dan wasn’t really ready, but we needed to talk anyway. At that point we had already decided to get testing done this month, because our insurance deductibles had already been met. Putting off testing even one month would mean that it would cost us significantly more out of pocket.
But what were we doing the testing for? I finally just asked Dan if he wanted to know what I wanted to do. He said yes. So I said that I wanted to do one last fresh IVF cycle with our lone remaining vial of sperm. No surgery for him. No donor sperm. His answer was immediate, “Yes, let’s do that. That’s what I want, too.” Decision made.
It’s nice to be on the same page. I was scared that he wouldn’t want to cycle again at all, but that’s not the case. The whole time we were cycling (and cycling) to get Adam, I always felt that things would work out the way they were meant to be. I truly did, and I know I talked about that a lot here during that time.
Well, I feel the same way now. Do I want another child? Yes, I really do. We wouldn’t even consider this otherwise. But honestly, we have to accept that it may not be in the cards for us. I really do think part of winning the infertility battle comes in the form of acceptance. Yes, I’m sure we’d have more than one child if we were fertile myrtles, but that is not the hand we were dealt. It’s important for me to consider the reality of our situation. I think I’m at a place where I’ll be able to accept that we’ll be a family of three if this cycle doesn’t work.
I wasn’t willing to accept that we wouldn’t have a child, that I wouldn’t ever be a mother, not even in the darkest moments. I was fiercely determined to keep going until my arms were no longer empty, no matter how long it took, no matter how much it cost, no matter what path it took to get there. Well, thankfully (oh so thankfully) we’re there now.
I need to do this upcoming cycle. I need to know we gave it the one try we could. I need to know that my family worked out the way it was supposed to. But whichever way that turns out to be will be ok, because we’re there now.
Diapers, Diapers, Diapers December 6, 2009
Several months ago Adam decided that he wanted a new potty, one that sang songs at that. Now, we’ve had a little potty and a potty seat in the house for a long time, but he had never really shown any interest in them. And I wasn’t going to push it.
When Adam showed interest in his singing potty we decided to go with it. We brought out the sticker charts, prizes, and all that good stuff. He did pretty well, and he even progressed to wearing cotton trainers for a bit. Then the novelty wore off, and he wanted nothing more to do with that singing potty, underwear, or anything remotely associated with either.
Again, I wasn’t going to push him. It’s not like forcing him was going to do a darn bit of good. So, back to diapers we went.
One thing I found that I really liked about his brief stint out of his disposable diapers was having real fabric next to his sensitive skin. So, I decided to make the late switch to cloth diapers. It didn’t seem like Adam was going to really potty train anytime in the near future given his renewed lack of willingness as well as all of the issues that come along with having an extremely sensitive digestive tract, so I thought I’d give cloth a try.
Unfortunately, the combination of our half-ass washing front loader and Adam’s sensitivity to chemicals (ie. laundry detergent) didn’t make for a good combo when it came to cloth, (and yes, I’ve tried multiple types of detergent, different wash combos, etc. to no avail).
I did learn that I really do like cloth diapering. Who knew. I really loved reading reviews of different diapers when I started out, so I thought I’d post my humble opinions on the ones we tried. At least maybe someone can get some info out of the money I spent on this short lived endeavor.
All of the diapers I tried first used microfiber in some shape or another. They were all pocket diapers or all in ones (AIOs) and they all had snaps for closures.
Swaddlebees AIOs: These were the first diapers we tried. They have a trim fit through the crotch and fit Adam so well. I really liked the snap placement on these. They take a while to dry due to their AIO nature, but it helps if you flip them inside out before tossing them in the dryer.
FuzziBunz One Size: I really liked this diaper. Is has an internal elastic adjustment system (as opposed to snaps down the front) which I found nice. It’s not a diaper that would have fit Adam long, though. He was on the last button holes for the rise.
FuzziBunz Pefect Size: We got the medium long size, and it worked well on Adam. It has the length of a large and width of a medium which was good given that Adam is tall but not thick. Both the Fuzzi Bunz have a microfiber insert that you place into the pocket which result in a faster drying time than an AIO diaper.
Knickernappies One Size and 2G (sized): I liked these diapers ok but couldn’t get as good as a fit on Adam with them. The only difference between the one size and 2G besides the ability to adjust the rise down is that the 2G’s have elastic on the front waist area and the one size do not. I got both of the diapers with the Knickernappies Loopy Do inserts which contain both microfiber and hemp. Those are super duper absorbent inserts.
I found that I didn’t really like the diapers with microfiber. As I mentioned, my front loader was not doing a good job of getting the diapers clean or rinsed, and the microfiber compounded the issue. So, I decided to give diapers with all natural fibers a try.
bumGenius Flip: This is a system with a separate cover and insert. I got the organic cotton insert. The insert is awesome, very soft and extremely absorbent. I didn’t love the fit of the cover on Adam, though. He always ended up with bad snap marks.
GroBaby: This looks like it could be a nice system with it’s organic cotton snap in insert and accompanying cover, but we never really got to test it out because it was just too tight on Adam.
Bottombumpers All in One: This was by far my favorite of the ones we tried. It’s made with cotton and bamboo, and is so soft. They have snap in inserts, so they dry as quickly as pocket diapers. I got the ones with hook and loop closures, and I loved them. I always had a hard time getting a perfect fit with snapping diapers, and this solved the problem.
We also tried cotton prefolds, but I didn’t love the bulk.
There were a few miscellaneous things we tried, too.
bumGenius Flip disposable inserts: I got these to try with the Flip cover. These were the worst thing we tried. The inserts are extremely narrow and tend to shift and bunch inside the cover while being worn. This always resulted in an extremely soiled cover whenever poop was involved. Plus, Adam reacted to the inserts themselves. I’m assuming it was to the starch based glue they use in them.
Grobaby Bio Soaker disposable inserts: These are great. They have gusseted sides which hold in the contents, so no soiled cover problems like with the Flip disposable inserts. They are pricey, but I got them during the buy one get one free sale which I believe is still going on. The one thing I don’t like about them is the adhesive on each end. They probably work ok with the Grobaby cover, but since we couldn’t use that one I used them in other covers. The adhesive sticks like crazy, and my other covers don’t like that at all.
Thirsties Duo Cover: I’ve used this cover with both the Flip organic insert and Grobaby Bio Soaker disposable inserts, and they both work well (other than the adhesive issue previously mentioned.) This cover is fantastic, and I love the fit I can get with the hook and look closure.
I also tried a couple of new brands of disposables. Adam’s been in Huggies since the beginning, but the idea of have a diaper with fewer chemicals, etc, appealed to me. We tried both Seventh Generation and Whole Foods 365 diapers, but I didn’t like either of them. The inside of the Seventh Generation ones bunched up really badly on Adam, and the 365 ones didn’t fit him well. We even got leaks with those which is not something we’re used to with disposables. In case anyone is comparing, the Seventh Generation run much smaller than the 365. It seems that Huggies runs in the middle of the two size wise.
As much as I would have loved to have gone with the Bottombumpers full time, it’s not happening. So, we’ve been using the Grobaby Bio Soakers in the Thirsties Duo cover as well as Huggies Pull Ups. Now I’ve got to figure out what to do with my stash of cloth.
What’s funny is that after devoting all of this money and energy to the perfect diaper pursuit Adam decided this past week that he needed me to buy him some new underwear. He’s been wearing them off and on the past couple of days. I wonder if it will stick this time.