Decisions, Decisions December 10, 2009
So, after my consult with my RE we had some options to consider. It didn’t take me long to figure out what I wanted to do, but like i said, Dan and I process things differently. I knew it would take him some time.
It ended up that we actually needed to decide before the 15th of this month. That’s the deadline for the medical savings plan contributions to be submitted at Dan’s job. If we were going to do IVF again (out of pocket again, of course) we would want to max out what we could put in.
So, we sat down and talked this past weekend. I knew Dan wasn’t really ready, but we needed to talk anyway. At that point we had already decided to get testing done this month, because our insurance deductibles had already been met. Putting off testing even one month would mean that it would cost us significantly more out of pocket.
But what were we doing the testing for? I finally just asked Dan if he wanted to know what I wanted to do. He said yes. So I said that I wanted to do one last fresh IVF cycle with our lone remaining vial of sperm. No surgery for him. No donor sperm. His answer was immediate, “Yes, let’s do that. That’s what I want, too.” Decision made.
It’s nice to be on the same page. I was scared that he wouldn’t want to cycle again at all, but that’s not the case. The whole time we were cycling (and cycling) to get Adam, I always felt that things would work out the way they were meant to be. I truly did, and I know I talked about that a lot here during that time.
Well, I feel the same way now. Do I want another child? Yes, I really do. We wouldn’t even consider this otherwise. But honestly, we have to accept that it may not be in the cards for us. I really do think part of winning the infertility battle comes in the form of acceptance. Yes, I’m sure we’d have more than one child if we were fertile myrtles, but that is not the hand we were dealt. It’s important for me to consider the reality of our situation. I think I’m at a place where I’ll be able to accept that we’ll be a family of three if this cycle doesn’t work.
I wasn’t willing to accept that we wouldn’t have a child, that I wouldn’t ever be a mother, not even in the darkest moments. I was fiercely determined to keep going until my arms were no longer empty, no matter how long it took, no matter how much it cost, no matter what path it took to get there. Well, thankfully (oh so thankfully) we’re there now.
I need to do this upcoming cycle. I need to know we gave it the one try we could. I need to know that my family worked out the way it was supposed to. But whichever way that turns out to be will be ok, because we’re there now.
- Posted in : IVF Part 8: the 2nd time around
- Author : amanda
Comments»
How great that you are both on the same page. I’m very hopeful for you that this works! But, as you said, if it doesn’t, I have no doubt your family of 3 will be just right.
I totally can relate to your feelings.
I hope it does work out for your family with this cycle, but you have already won the biggest prize with Adam.
I am happy that you both have come to a decision and you are both on the same page. We’re in a similar boat. I have scheduled an appointment with our RE for next week to go over our options (we have 3 embryos on ice). Hubby & I have talked and would like more kids, but also know it may not work out that way. Like you, I want to try with my last remaining embryos. 2 Frozen IVF Cycles. I know I can’t do another fresh one (emotional, physical, and financial reasons keep us from even considering going for another fresh ones if the frozen ones fail) so we’ll see how the meeting goes and where it leads us. If we don’t succeed, I know we are already so blessed to have Jack. We’ll have to consider cost and timing (the economy being what it is these are unfortunately definite things to consider for us! Sigh).
In any case, I have always enjoyed reading your blog – knowing that I am not alone. Jack and Adam are about the same age. I know our situations are different, but I am happy for you and your family that you are moving forward and trying again.
Adam is adorable and so lucky to have such wonderful parents.
I am wishing you well for the upcoming cycle my friend. Whatever the outcome, no doubt you and Dan have always given it your all and no less. Thinking good thoughts for the three of you!
I am hoping, wishing and praying this cycle works and you get that second bundle. But I am so, so glad that no matter what your arms are not empty. Thinking of you my friend.