Let’s Get This Party Started January 25, 2010
Guess what I get to do tomorrow morning? Start popping birth control pills. Oh, how I’ve missed those evil things.
So, yeah. We’re doing it. Again. It’s kind of hard to believe it’s been 4 years since my last fresh cycle. I’m assuming it’s like riding a bike, though, huh?
I’m definitely in a different mindset this time around. I’m not as nervous. I’m not as desperate. And surprisingly, I’m not as hopeless.
To expound: While we were in the pursuit for Adam, I was so desperate for each cycle to be “the one.” The thought of going though another cycle when you’re already on #5 or #6 is disheartening to say the least. I had to get to him, whatever it took, so there was soooo much riding on each and every cycle. It made me nervous. I worried. I stressed.
Now, though, we’ve arrived. He’s more than I ever imagined. I can’t be desperate when I’ve got him. I want this very much, but I’m not going to be broken into a million pieces if it doesn’t happen like I was each time one of our pre-Adam cycles failed.
So, what’s with the hope, you say? I’m not one known for hope. Hope is a bitch. I know that. I was beaten down so much and so hard, that I literally couldn’t hope during our last cycle. It hurt too badly. You fall further when you get your hopes up.
Now I have a cushion. It feels ok to hope at least a little. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still 100% realistic. I know our chances. I’ve lived them. I just want to let a little hope creep in this cycle. It is our last one unless by some miracle we get frozens. I’m not in that deep dark hole anymore, thankfully, so it’s ok to let a see a little light seep in.
I don’t know how this will turn out, although I could probably bet on the outcome and win. I do know, however, that it’s worth a try. So, let the games begin.
- Posted in : IVF Part 8: the 2nd time around
- Author : amanda
Comments»
Looks like you are starting this out with a really good mindset, and that’s something.
Good luck with the evil BCPs!
Good luck! Hoping for a happy surprise this time :-)
Good luck. Hoping right beside you.
Good luck!!! From my experience, you make more follicles on the same dosage when it’s been a few years… hope that’s the case with you!
There is an amazing amount of required luck… but I got pregnant with a 4 cell 30% fragmented embryo… that was quickly shoved in before it fizzled like the others.
Well now that you have JUST RELAXED it is sure to work! ;)
Seriously, although we didn’t do IVF for #1, I was so grateful for our perfect, healthy son that by the time we did it for #2, I was in a place where I would have been fine if it hadn’t worked. I mean, maybe I WOULDN’T have been fine, but I felt like I would be.
Good luck!
Good Luck! I felt hopeful the second time too… so much easier when you’ve already got what you always wanted.
Miracles happen….I hope this is true for you!!!
You have already won the biggest prize so everything else is gravy. Good luck
I’m hoping with you!
Fingers are crossed for this upcoming cycle. My friends have told me that it is a different experience once you have already have a child. We’ll be rooting for you!!
Good Luck!!! I am keeping my fingers crossed for you guys! You’ve got a great mindset going into this cycle. Miracles do happen – we have our little ones as proof. :)
OMG – great news, except the evil pills! Give me the gonadotropins any day of the week.