Logistics February 18, 2010
There’s more than one thing about IVF that I don’t find difficult. Sticking a needle into my flesh? Easy peasy. There are others that I find harder like dealing with the ever fun med side effects. (Can we say Dexamethasone induced insomnia?) The thing I’m having the hardest time with this time, though, is logistics.
Yes, I’ve been though the ropes several times before, but the big difference was that then IVF was my full time job. I cycled for 22 months straight. I was constantly on meds, going to appointments, dealing with 2 week waits, for almost 2 years. But it was doable because I looked at myself as a professional IVF patient, it was my job. I know I said many times back then that I could never have done that if I had actually had a real job, or a real life for that matter.
So now I actually have non IVF responsibilities. I am oh so glad I do, but that’s what I’m finding challenging, trying to balance the two. Life goes on even with swollen ovaries.
On that note, tomorrow I have to do something I really, really wanted to avoid doing. I have to take Adam to my monitoring appointment. I have been getting up at 6:00 to hit the road by 6:30 so I can get to the office by 7:15. That way I’m first in line for 7:30 monitoring and can get back home by 8:30 so Dan can get to work semi on time. (He usually leaves at 8:00).
It’s been working ok despite my dislike of driving in Houston rush hour traffic. Tomorrow, though, Dan has a 7:00 deposition that he has to be at. We have no family in the state and have never had a need for a baby sitter before, so we don’t have one of those either. Either Adam goes with me or I don’t go.
I remember how much it hurt to sit in the waiting room waiting to be called back for an ultrasound to see if my body was cooperating at all that cycle only to have someone’s rugrat walk into the room. I really, really don’t want to do that to someone else. Ugh.
I’ll also end up having to do my shots in front of Adam tomorrow morning, something I’ve been able to avoid up to this point. I didn’t want him to see that for multiple reasons, but again, no choice. I don’t even know what to tell him. I don’t want him thinking I’m sick, and I don’t want to tell him that we’re trying to have a baby since we probably won’t.
So that’s what I’m struggling with, trying to make this process easier for Adam, trying not to make someone else’s experience worse than it has to be, and just dealing with the day to day that is IVF on top of the day to day that is my life.
My respect for women who go through IVF has increased if that’s possible. I was lucky that I got to focus solely on IVF for so long. It’s the only way I could have made it through seven cycles. Most people, though, do their shots and head off to work and/or take care of others while they really just want to be taken care of.
So, I’ll try to juggle just like everyone else. I just hope the next couple of weeks pass by without me dropping the ball.
- Posted in : IVF Part 8: the 2nd time around
- Author : amanda
Comments»
Don’t feel bad.
I know how you feel and I would feel the same. But no one has the right to judge you or shoot you evil looks. When it comes down to it, I bet you’re unlikely to come across anyone who’s been through 7 cycles tomorrow morning.
It’s great that you’re so sensitive to others, but focus on you. I think you’ve earned the right and it will be stressful enough taking Adam without worrying what the other women think. I know they’re fellow IVF’ers stuck in the trenchers but they’re also just strangers who you’ll never see again.
Been meaning to say I wish you all the best on this cycle. I read you avidly when I was going through IVF myself – one night I sat and read all your archives. You were even kind enough to email me on the eve of my preg test for IVF 2. That cycle failed but I’m now lucky to be a very happy mum.
Anyway, as I say, all the best. Will be checking in and keeping everything crossed for you.
ps. didn’t mean to be anonymous!
I was in your position 20w ago. My son had to accompany to my my appointment at the RE. When I apologized to the girl at the front desk, she scolded me for thinking such thoughts. She said everyone was here for the same purpose – to have a child – and just because we have one already doesn’t mean we aren’t allowed to try for a second or third or however many and sometimes that means bringing our children to the office. She also pointed out that we weren’t the only ones with a child in the office.
While she was kind, I really didn’t feel okay until a woman waiting for a monitoring appointment made conversation with my son and as she went back she told me I am blessed and one day she will be too.
I know Amanda and I’m sorry. While I had no problem shooting up in front of A, I hated bringing her to the monitoring – even though I wasn’t even going to an “infertility” clinc per se.
Can you wait in the hallway and ask the receptionist to come and get you when it’s your turn?
You know what though – people will know the difference – you’ll be respectful and people that don’t even think about it – aren’t.
That last paragraph of Michelle’s was so sweet!
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