The Pee Sticks Have Spoken March 8, 2010
I woke up in the middle of the night thanks to the PIO’s effect on my bladder and couldn’t go back to sleep, so I figured it was as good as time as any to break out the pee sticks. I wasn’t hopeful since my body was not sending me any signals this weekend. I knew that was a bad sign, and it was. Two brands of HPTs were completely negative.
I’m 7dp5dt. It’s not too early. If there was something viable going on those tests would have been positive. Been there, done that, on both sides of the coin.
I crawled back into bed but sleep alluded me. I cried, not the heart shattering cry that I let loose during the cycles we were trying for Adam, but more for what could have been. I wanted this, but it was not to be.
I told Dan this morning, and then I told him how mad I was that we went through all of this for nothing. It was a hard cycle for me. He said, “Yes, but we had to try.” He’s right. We did.
Adam got some extra snuggles when he got up this morning. I felt myself tearing up again while I held him in my arms, but those tears were not for this negative. No, they were tears of thankfulness. I thought about how close we came to not having him. I know how lucky we are that he’s here. He truly is our little miracle.
I’ll go in Wednesday morning for beta to make it official. The thought of two more nights of PIO torture for nothing is not appealing, but that’s just how it is.
I am sad. It’s never easy to get a negative. It’s not easy to see your life take a different path than you would have chosen. Seeing those results hurt this morning, but they also reminded me how truly, truly lucky I am.
- Posted in : IVF Part 8: the 2nd time around
- Author : amanda
Comments»
I’m so sorry. I wish it could have been different. But I am so, so happy you have Adam. Give him a hug from me.
I don’t think I’ve commented here before.
Just wanted to say that I’ve been silently cheering you on for a while now. Hoping. Praying that this last chance would be it.
I’ll continue to be here. Thinking. Hoping. Secretly being optimistic for a miracle on Wednesday.
I’m so sorry, Amanda. But so glad you have Adam.
I too wish the results would have been different my friend. Adam is a lucky boy to have you and Dan for parents, and may he also be a balm to your heart.
Sending you love from the sunshine state….
I am so sorry for the negative, but I am also uplifted by the grace with which you are handling it. Adam is very lucky to have such an appreciative mother.
I’m so sorry. I was really hoping it was going to work for you.
I’m really sorry. It still sucks, though a little differently. Thinking of you guys.
I’m sorry, too. I’m so thankful you have Adam, and I know that he will take a lot of the pain away, but a failed cycle sucks no matter what.
I am so so sorry. Even if you had tried to mentally prepare yourself for his, it is never easy. We try to be rational but ultimately IVF is all emotions – the extra hormones do not help at all.
This is not how I had hoped for the cycle to turn out. Thinking of all of you. Let Adam brighten your day like only he can do right now.
Sending you lots and lots of hugs!!
I am so very sorry–I was really hoping this would be it for you.
I’m sorry, Amanda. I do think you had to try, though. Looking back, you’ll know you tried. No regrets.
I am so sorry about the negatives. How very difficult when this is it for TTC. :(
Yes, you do have less of a chance with every day that passes but 12 dpo just isn’t past the line of finality. I got completely negative on a very sensitive HPT at 13 dpo and felt so dumb going for the beta the next day. I was so surprised when the nurse called and said it was positive. Very low, but in the end it worked out. While I know this is somewhat rare and unlikely… it is possible. The RE said my embryos didn’t like the laboratory enviroment and temporarily stalled out. I’m still hoping for you anyway.
That kind of perspective is very hard to have the day of such disappointment. I am sorry this cycle failed. But I am immensely happy that you have Adam, that you are a Mommy, and that you know you did everything you could.
I am so sorry Amanda. Like Krista said above, I’m glad you are able to have this perspective when the disappointment is so fresh. Hugs to you.
I’m sorry. It hurts, but it is a different kind of hurt now that you have Adam. I agree with Dan though – you had to try. Thinking of you.
I just re-read my comment, and I hope it doesn’t come across as be-littling the hurt and pain that you are feeling. I think/hope you know what I mean.
Crap. I agree with you that it outta be showing up by yesterday or today. But let’s just hope that the little buggers are taking their time and you’re getting a late one. Don’t crack out the caffeinated coffee and cocktails just yet…
Why not switch to progesterone suppositories from here out so that you’re not torturing your poor hips with those damned needles?
(((hug)))
Like others have said far more eloquently…
I’m sorry, too.
I’m so sorry.
Sorry to hear your news. I know you were prepared for it, but that doesn’t make it less sad.
So sorry to read your news, Amanda, but also struck by the wisdom of your last paragraph. Big hugs to you, Adam, and Dan.
What rubbish news, Amanda, I am so sorry. As you say, it’s just always, always sad. I’m so impressed that you can bring that sense of luck forward on a day like that. Hang in there.