What a Day March 16, 2010
Today did not start off well. One of my diamond studs decided to take a hop, skip, and a jump from my hand, across the countertop, and into the bathroom sink. It was one of those slow motion “nooooo” moments. Down the drain my pretty earring went.
I pulled out the stopper, and it was nowhere in sight. I searched the house to find a flashlight that had not been disassembled by Adam, not a small feat, and still couldn’t see it. At that point I did not have time to take apart the pipes, so in the sink my earring stayed.
What? You mean you didn’t come here to read about lost diamonds today? Ok, I’m getting to it.
I was nervous that my bad morning would lead to a bad afternoon. My clinic has been calling around 12:30 on beta days, but my phone laid silent. I figured that wasn’t a good sign.
When it finally rang my IVF coordinator said, “Well, your beta should have been 160 today if it was still doubling. What do you think it was?” Ahh, I don’t know. Just tell me, lady!
Beta was 296. I’m still in shock as I type that. 296. I honestly do not know what to think about that. I can’t wrap my brain around it.
My P4 was over 40 on Friday, so they didn’t check that again. E2 has to be 300 to wean off of patches, and mine was 253 today, so they want me to come back Saturday for another E2 check.
And you know what? They didn’t even schedule me for another beta since it rose so much. Oh, you better believe that I asked for another one, though. If I’m going to have to make the trip in for an E2 check, there’s no way I’m leaving without another beta.
Oh, and get this. They already scheduled me for an ultrasound next week. WTF? Let’s just take things one step at a time, shall we.
So, that’s where things stand. I am seriously struggling to process this information. I will admit that there’s part of me that wants to say “YAY!” However, the other part, the part that has been through this stuff way too many times, is saying “hold on there, mister.”
You know what scares me? The fact that the more the numbers climb the further I get from chemical territory and the closer I get to miscarriage territory. I am terrified of going through that again, and I know that despite today’s great jump, there is a good chance that’s where I’ll end up.
I’d already mentally closed the door on this cycle when I got the 14. I don’t know how to open it again. I don’t know if I can.
So, I guess I’ll just be holding on until Saturday. That and trying to get my damn earring out of the pipes.
- Posted in : IVF Part 8: the 2nd time around
- Author : amanda
Comments»
YAY! I will say yay for you!!!! I’ve been refreshing all day.
Those numbers are GOOD. GOOD GOOD.
I spent the first 12 weeks of this current pregnancy scared to DEATH of another miscarriage. Despite having like 3 u/s I still wouldn’t believe it. So I get that. So I will dance for you!!!!!!!!!!!
You also have to keep in mind; this is not the same protocol as when you had the other chemicals. This is the same one that got you Adam.
You just made my day!
Woo hooo!! Great news Amanda and I know about the miscarriage, trust me and the door closing (my first beta w/ E. was miscarriage number too) – one day at a time – that and chocolate!
Yeah. I have been on the edge of my seat all day waiting for your update. So happy for the nice number. Sorry for the worry it is putting you through but Jennifer makes a nice point about protocols. Hope you find your earring. Good luck Saturday.
You can keep that door closed, but you better crack a window!
I’m sure you will continue to be in fear of something going wrong, it’s just natural but try to enjoy some of the “Holy Shit, I’m pregnant” time even if it is scary cause this will be the last time, for sure.
HOORAY!
Also, holy shit! and wow! and continued good luck!
This is great. I will continue to think positive thoughts that everything will be okay and that you’re thoughts of doom are nothing more than worry and will not come to fruition. Good luck.
*BIIIG HUGSSSS!* I just went through this and know exactly how it feels to have given totally up… to be put on hold… to get that one in a million, just doesn’t happen chance… to me?!… it takes awhile to believe. I hope things continue to progress as they should.
And I’m the oddball… I would’ve grinned like a fool when the earring dropped. That much good luck in one day takes it’s toll on the balance of things! ;) I do hope you can retrieve it though.
WOOOHOOO! I am excited for you!!! One day at a time is right. I am glad you will get another beta soon. Thinking of you lots.
Wow. I’m hoping that the earring drop was the only bit of ‘bad’ in an otherwise pretty interesting day :)
But seriously…wow. While I totally get the ‘one day at a time’ approach, this could also be the start of something wonderful. How I’m hoping with you that this is the case.
I am so very very hopeful for you, my friend. May yours be one of those miraculous success stories!!!
NBHHY!
And dude? My iPhone auto-corrected the spelling of that.
I am hopeful about the earring, and even more hopeful about your beta and ultrasound… thinking of you and hoping you can hang on tight to this rollercoaster!
I read your blog all the time and was anxious for your post today. The IVF world is so full of ups and downs and sheer craziness unlike anything else I have ever experienced. I am keeping my fingers crossed for you. I had crazy betas with my ds where they did not increase for a whole week and was sure I was having a chemical pg(would have been my 4th m/c)) and it turns out it was a vanishing twin and now he is almost 6. The beta obsession can make you crazy – I think I am still recovering from it. Good Luck!!!!!
Okay, bummer about the diamond – BUT – Oh wow about the beta!!! I am hoping so much for you! Forgive me if I do just a small jig in your honor. I just can’t help it!
Oh, my! I am just so glad. What a wild ride this has been so far for you; hoping it smooths out and lasts another, oh, 36 weeks or so.
OMG!!!! I have been waiting for your post all day!!!! I am grinning and praying and hoping and crossing everything I can cross for you! :) Way to throw in a curve ball on that beta #, huh??? Wow – that’s IVF for you…always keeps you on your toes. I am thinking enormously good thoughts for you for Sunday!! I know we are still cautious and I am, but at the same time I can’t help but smile. I wanted good news for you all sooooooooo badly! Wow!!! :) :) :) GOOD LUCK!!!
What great news! That’s a fantastic rise. I know you will continue to stress and worry and not be able to believe that you could have a happy ending…but for now, at least the news is very good.
Hope you get your earring out! Yikes!
Okay, so I guess I might be the only other cautious one here? I’m happy it rose well, but I’ve also had this happen and not turn out well, so I’m apprehensive about whooping it up. I hope it’s good news, I hope the sono goes well. Thinking about you.
The earring thing SUCKS. I hope you can figure out how to get it out.
Open up that door girl! good wishes your way!
Wooo-hoo (said cautiously, but happyhappyhappy all the same)!
This is good news, Amanda, honestly it is. Hang in there.
Awesome. (Not about the earring – I hope you get that back without too much trouble!) And you know, SOMEbody has to represent successful, but low, betas. Might as well be you, right? :)
Awesome. Still scary, but awesome…
Wonderful news. I’m sorry the path hasn’t been smoother.
Excellent news Amada! I’m so very excited for you, I know it’s way early but still excited. Did you get the pipes torn apart for the earring?
That is one HELLUVA great number Amanda!!! Fingers crossed for an equally amazing U/S! :-)
I’ve been in your same spot (3 times) and it definitely stinks. But sometimes a low beta works out. My beta was 63 at 12 days post 3 day transfer (donor eggs). I didn’t even get a positive HPT for 3 days after that. That little embryo is now screaming at the dog to stop licking her. Miscarriage sucks whether you have mentally prepared for it or not (sadly been there twice) so might as well get excited and enjoy the good news. I will keep my fingers crossed that things keep going up!
I seriously wish I could crawl through the computer and give you a big hug. I’m so sorry that you are not able to enjoy this time (and with good reason). I hope that this is a viable pregnancy and that you have the easiest pregnancy and birth in the history of mankind.
{{{hugs}}}
Yay! (not for the earring, of course). I know exactly how you feel but just like all things IVF, you never know. This could just work out.
YAY!!!!!
And now I will tell you that Kara’s first beta was 25. 25… and she crawled at 6.5 months, stood up 3 days later and is now cruising the furniture and standing on her own at 8.5 months. The ultra low beta did not affect her one bit! Here’s praying that this works out the same for you.
I didn’t want to tell you before because I didn’t want to be one of those…. you know what I mean.
Any pee stick reports?
AFAICT you’ve coeverd all the bases with this answer!