Still in the Game March 20, 2010
I’ve been feeling pretty symptomatic, for lack of a better term, so I thought there was a chance that today’s beta could have gone up from Tuesday’s. The question was how much.
Today’s magic doubling number was 1192, maybe even a touch less since today’s beta was done 1.5 hours earlier than Tuesday’s. Beta came back at 1539.
I still don’t know what to think. I told myself that I’d feel better if today’s number was at least 1500, and indeed it is. I still just don’t know, though.
Is there really a chance this could work out? I mean, really? Anyone got a spare crystal ball they could loan me?
I’m 5w3d today, and I feel like I’m at a very precarious point right now. I’ve had two previous pregnancies make it to ultrasound stage. One was obviously Adam. The other stopped progressing right around this point. A gestational sac and yolk sac formed, but it never got to the fetal pole/heartbeat point.
Maybe just based on that experience or maybe just because of my low start this time around, I’m feeling like we’re at the make it or break it stage right now. We know my numbers are doing ok as of this moment. But what about tomorrow or the next day?
Yes, I am going to drive myself mad thinking this way. As much as I’d love to be the happy go lucky pregnant lady, I can’t. Not yet anyway.
I’ve got an ultrasound scheduled for Thursday. That will tell us so much more. Numbers are important, but they are not everything. My beautifully doubling beta ended in miscarriage. My never actually doubling beta resulted in Adam.
I’ll feel so much better if we can actually see something. Maybe I should be more specific. I’ll feel so much better if we can actually see the right somethings.
So, five more days. Five.
I know I haven’t said it yet this cycle, but I have thought it every day. Thank you. The support I’ve received through comments and emails means the world to me. I’m usually not a comment whore, but I’ve been refreshing like mad after my recent posts, because every word helps.
It’s amazing to me that some of the same people who commented during my first IVF cycle 5.5 years ago are still here following along. And it’s equally amazing to me that people new to my blog take the time and effort to jump in and comment.
I don’t know how this is going to turn out. As much as we’d all like to hope for a happy ending, no one really knows. But I do know that the support of this crazy little world called the IF community is going to help me navigate through whichever turn this ride takes.
- Posted in : IVF Part 8: the 2nd time around
- Author : amanda
Comments»
Yes!!!!!! Chug, chug chugging along! I am so hopeful for your ultrasound! Fingers are turning purple, but they are still crossed! Gawd I hope this is a keeper for you!!
I was anxiously awaiting today’s update! I don’t know if I’ve been reading since your first IVF, but shortly thereafter, can’t even remember how I found you. I love hearing how much joy Adam has brought to you, and am so hoping that this will end with another beautiful blessing for you guys.
I hope the next five days pass quickly for you.
I’ve been following you the whole time but this might only be my second comment. I’m excited for you, I have a good feeling about this.
5 days is FOREVER away, or it seems like it anyway. You didn’t think you’d get this far, but here you are.
Crossing anything I can cross for you guys. :)
Hi Amanda! Been a lurker for years. This is my first time commenting. Just wanted to say Im sending good vibes your way and Im hoping the best for you! Fingers and toes crossed!
Laura
San Mateo, CA
Good news, good news! Thinking all good things….
That is a pretty fantastic number – well above what you’d need to “double”, right? If you had two in there, what would the doubling numbers be at this point? I’m starting to wonder….
wishing you the best possible outcome!
Smiling! Big Smile for you! I am so happy the numbers went up the way they did. I completely understand your apprehension. IVF changes you so definitively – trusting your body is just sooooooo hard. We can never just sit back and enjoy. The worrying just takes hold – it’s a defense mechanism. I get it.
I am cautiously optimistic for you! You’ve been through so much – this cycle with its beginning is no different. We can chart and learn from the past, but ultimately things are unpredictable. I am praying for you and hope Thursday comes quickly. The wait is so incredibly hard without driving yourself insane with any “symptom” you may or may not feel!! Hang in there!
For today though – take a deep breath. We are all here for you and rooting for this little one to take hold and enjoy the ride.
*Hugs* & continuing to cross everything I can possibly cross for you!!!
That’s a good number. Of course it could go somewhere. You’ll be the second person wth a beta of 14 to become an urban legend! Yes it could also not, but crystal balls not being present, we just can’t tell. We will just keep hope hope hoping for you.
Amanda…I am so happy that things are going well so far. Of course, you won’t relax for awhile. I’ll never forget how nervous I was for my u/s with Daniel…the wonkiest beta numbers I’d ever had…I was convinced that I would go in for the u/s and see nothing. And even after that I was a basket case for every u/s for quite awhile. But so far, so very very good! Squee!
I have been a lurker for years also… not sure why I never comment guess I should! Anyways I am so HAPPY for you!!! I totally understand about not being able to relax I never could either. I didn’t have trouble getting pregnant just staying pregnant and after 2 miscarriages never could relax my whole first pregancy. All you can do it is take it one day at a time. Right now things are great!! Lots of thoughts and prayers coming your way!!
i last commented when Adam was born, I think. and we’re all still rooting for you :)
godbless.
I am so glad that it’s good news! Keeping fingers, toes, etc. crossed for you, and hoping the days til the ultrasound go quickly!
I will keep my fingers crossed that on Thursday there is something to truly get excited about. Hang in there until then!
Yay! I can’t wait to hear your good news on Thursday. Those are some pretty nice numbers :D
ya know i’m jumping up and down this side of the world for you don’t you? I am right this minute I’m endangering several high cost electrical items by jumping and typing whilst not wearing a bra. yes thats right I’m so excited for you i’m willing to blacken my own eyes.
that said it’s so much easier being a perkyturd for someone else and chickadee so glad that you’re that someone else.
in the middle of moving house and getting our net connected so not using my own computer here but borrowing one, HAD to check on you.
luv n hang in there you can do 5 measely days just don’t go tossing anymore jewels down the sink k.
So pleased for you and got everything crossed that all continues to go well.
I haven’t been commenting, but I have been following along. I am hoping and praying for you guys, and I will keep going all week. Come on, Thursday!
I’ve been following since close to the very beginning. And while I know that you are feeling like you are in waiting room hell right now. I am thinking good thoughts for you.
My IVF which resulted in E (baby#2) had some wonky beta numbers in the beginning too. There was a point where I didn’t make the doubling. And then I did. Once we got to u/s day things seemed a bit more real.
All I can give is assvice and cliches. “hang in there.” “thinking of you.” And even though they are cliches I mean them ;)
In my experience, symptomatic is a good sign. And if things could go up or down, might as well spend your energy thinking on the up side. You’ve got the beta doubling trend in your favor, so I’ll just keep thinking good thoughts for the next few days and hopefully you’ll be seeing an on track embryo soon.
What awesome news!
Hang in there, one day at a time. Only 4 days until Thursday . . .
This is fantastic news. I can totally understand feeling surreal until the ultrasound. I’m at 3 chemical pregnancies and one miscarriage, that is a lot of passed pregnancy tests without success. I would be feeling much the same if I was in your shoes. Hopefully the ultrasound will go well and it will hit home so you can finally really be excited. Fingers crossed!
I’m here, buckled in for the ride with you. It’s a crazy coaster, with lots of loops and whorls but let’s hang on tight and take it one whoosh at a time :)
Here’s to Thursday and the promise it holds.
Really fantastic news! I am so very hopeful for you! And you know we will be with you every step of the way! Can’t wait for Thursday. I’ve been thinking about you a lot. I am so, so hopeful my friend.