A Week Plus a Day April 5, 2010
So, I’m eight days post rupturing ectopic surgery nightmare. I’m doing a lot better today than I was a week ago as one might expect. I’m healing, physically and emotionally. I’m not 100% on either front, but I’m getting there.
It’s been hard, though. I’m pretty tough when it comes to physical pain, but this was pretty bad. The surgery quickly took care of the horrific ectopic pain, but then I was left with the post surgical pain. That wasn’t a heck of a lot of fun either. At least they gave me drugs.
I’m slowly but surely getting there. I can wear pants now, so that’s good. I still can’t bend over without pain, but give me another few days. My incisions hurt and are itchy, but those, too, will get better. (Although I’m not sure that my belly button will ever see the light of day again. That’s gonna be an ugly scar.)
It’s been challenging to take care of an active three year old on top of all of this recovery stuff, but I’m not complaining, because he’s what makes the emotional recovery easier. When I had pregnancy losses before Adam the world seemed to stop spinning. My life just stopped. Not this time. Life goes on, because I have to keep up with him!
I am mad that things ended this way, but I’m ok. I don’t think I would be ok if I didn’t have Adam. I’m thankful that he makes my heart feel so full that I don’t notice the new holes as much.
I know how lucky I am. I talked to my IVF nurse today to schedule my post op visit next week. She said that my RE was viewing my surgery pictures, and there was so much blood, a great deal more than was seen on ultrasound. I’m lucky to have walked away from it all in mostly one piece.
I’m attempting to move forward, because the alternative just isn’t ok with me. I cannot sit here and dwell on the fact that I lost a potential baby and could have lost my life. Yes, I can acknowledge it and try to process it, but I cannot let it consume me.
I’ve been keeping busy despite the physical setbacks. Adam and I have been working on lots of projects, something he and I both like to do.
I’m also in the process of clearing out Adam’s baby gear. I gave a bunch to my brother for his baby to be and have sold some more. The rest will be donated soon enough.
I need to move on. I need to move forward. The only alternative is to get stuck, and that is not where I want to be. I have a miracle of a little man who needs me, and I love being his mom too much to not keep putting one foot in front of the other.
- Posted in : IVF Part 8: the 2nd time around
- Author : amanda
Comments»
I’m glad to hear that the recovery is going okay. You have been in my thoughts.
I’m so sorry that this is the end of this particular road for you, but so glad that you have been blessed with your sweet boy.
You are amazing Amanda. That’s a great attitude but it’s very difficult to achieve… thinking of you.
You are so strong Amanda. I wish I had 1/2 of that. Keep strong for Adam. Good luck with the recovery!
I have been thinking of you. I am glad you have Adam to make the recovery a bit easier.
You are just awesome. Wishing you a speedy recovery so you can keep up with your little miracle!
Good luck with your recovery! When our first IVF failed, I was devastated… we made the decision to move on to adoption and our son came home less than a year later. We decided to try IVF for baby #2 and it was also a BFN… but, although I was sad, I was not devastated bc I had our amazing son home. I had a much different outlook on life and the process in general… and I owe it all to my miracle boy :-)
Hey, good to find someone who aerges with me. GMTA.