On a Lighter Note February 27, 2010
Lest you think I’m all about the heavy posts these days, let me present this scene which occurred earlier this week in our house.
Me: “Adam, what are you doing?”
Adam: “Rinsing toothbrushes in the potty.”
I Can See! February 1, 2010
I remember what it felt like to get glasses. I was in 6th grade, and I’ll never forget walking through the mall seeing everything clearly for the first time.
Adam got glasses a week and a half ago, and he’s been experiencing the same thing. I was a little worried that he’d have trouble getting used to them, but he’s done great, no doubt due to the fact that he can actually see now.
Adam’s been followed by a pediatric ophthalmologist for a while now, first due to his nystagmus (shimmering of the eyes back and forth) and currently due to strabismus (eye wandering outwards.) Along the way, his vision has been checked, too.
The last time he was dilated back in June, he was nearsighted but not so much that the doctor felt that it required correction. We went back a few weeks ago, and his vision had worsened to -3.00 in one eye and -3.50 in the other. We had noticed that he had been having trouble seeing, so the decision to put him in glasses was an easy one.
They’ve already helped so much, and I have to say that he looks quite cute in them, don’t ya think?
His nystagmus is undetectable to the naked eye now, only under magnification can the doctor see it, so that’s good news. There’s hope that the glasses will help the strabismus, but if not there’s talk of patching. We go back in two months to see how he’s doing.
I’m just so glad my little man can see well now. I know I’d be lost without my glasses and contacts. I think he’s already starting to feel the same way. He even asks for them when he wakes up in the morning and after nap. It’s great that they’ve made such a difference for him. So, yay for glasses!
Three January 14, 2010
Adam turned 3 this past weekend. I can hardly believe it. I mean, really. How did that happen?
I guess it’s still hard for me to believe sometimes that we really got this lucky. I never ever expected our final FET cycle to work. Why should that one succeed when all of the others had failed? I guess it was because we were waiting for Adam. And as I’ve said before, he was definitely worth the wait.
He’s such an amazing little guy (who isn’t quite so little anymore.) The boy is tall! He fascinates me on a daily basis. The other day he woke up and the first thing out of his mouth was “subtracting!” He proceed to ask for his number book was so we could do some subtracting. That’s my Adam.
In addition to all things number related, he loves all things building related. You could not pry away his tool toys from him if you wanted to. He got a new work bench for his birthday, and he loves it. He loves to take stuff apart, too. The other day it took me quite a while to get my Dyson back together, he had it in so many pieces.
He loves to play outside, and I’m sure he can’t wait for the weather to warm up some so he can spend more time out there. We go on walks to the playground, and he insists on taking the long way home through the neighborhood. He likes collecting pine cones, leaves, and knocked off street reflectors along the way. And we have to stop at every mailbox we pass, too. Our neighborhood has grouped mailboxes, and he loves to open the package spots, count the boxes, etc.
Adam has crazy hair. It’s blond, straight, and fine like mine, but his has a tendency to stick straight up in the back. Sometimes it behaves, but other times it is so out of control that’s it’s pointless to even bring a comb or brush into the same room. On those days we even get strangers commenting about it.
He’s got a kind heart. I love that about him. He loves to give other kids hugs and is best buddies with our two cats.
And he’s funny, too. He loves to tell jokes. His favorite one is that he has three feet. He thinks that’s hilarious. He does things that crack me up. He recently learned to headbutt. He’ll bump his head into your butt at random moments and declare “headbutt!” But sometimes he gets it backwards and it comes out “butthead!”
He’s more than I could have ever asked for. I still remember what it felt like to hold him in my arms that first night in the hospital. Now I get big hugs. What could be better?
Diapers, Diapers, Diapers December 6, 2009
Several months ago Adam decided that he wanted a new potty, one that sang songs at that. Now, we’ve had a little potty and a potty seat in the house for a long time, but he had never really shown any interest in them. And I wasn’t going to push it.
When Adam showed interest in his singing potty we decided to go with it. We brought out the sticker charts, prizes, and all that good stuff. He did pretty well, and he even progressed to wearing cotton trainers for a bit. Then the novelty wore off, and he wanted nothing more to do with that singing potty, underwear, or anything remotely associated with either.
Again, I wasn’t going to push him. It’s not like forcing him was going to do a darn bit of good. So, back to diapers we went.
One thing I found that I really liked about his brief stint out of his disposable diapers was having real fabric next to his sensitive skin. So, I decided to make the late switch to cloth diapers. It didn’t seem like Adam was going to really potty train anytime in the near future given his renewed lack of willingness as well as all of the issues that come along with having an extremely sensitive digestive tract, so I thought I’d give cloth a try.
Unfortunately, the combination of our half-ass washing front loader and Adam’s sensitivity to chemicals (ie. laundry detergent) didn’t make for a good combo when it came to cloth, (and yes, I’ve tried multiple types of detergent, different wash combos, etc. to no avail).
I did learn that I really do like cloth diapering. Who knew. I really loved reading reviews of different diapers when I started out, so I thought I’d post my humble opinions on the ones we tried. At least maybe someone can get some info out of the money I spent on this short lived endeavor.
All of the diapers I tried first used microfiber in some shape or another. They were all pocket diapers or all in ones (AIOs) and they all had snaps for closures.
Swaddlebees AIOs: These were the first diapers we tried. They have a trim fit through the crotch and fit Adam so well. I really liked the snap placement on these. They take a while to dry due to their AIO nature, but it helps if you flip them inside out before tossing them in the dryer.
FuzziBunz One Size: I really liked this diaper. Is has an internal elastic adjustment system (as opposed to snaps down the front) which I found nice. It’s not a diaper that would have fit Adam long, though. He was on the last button holes for the rise.
FuzziBunz Pefect Size: We got the medium long size, and it worked well on Adam. It has the length of a large and width of a medium which was good given that Adam is tall but not thick. Both the Fuzzi Bunz have a microfiber insert that you place into the pocket which result in a faster drying time than an AIO diaper.
Knickernappies One Size and 2G (sized): I liked these diapers ok but couldn’t get as good as a fit on Adam with them. The only difference between the one size and 2G besides the ability to adjust the rise down is that the 2G’s have elastic on the front waist area and the one size do not. I got both of the diapers with the Knickernappies Loopy Do inserts which contain both microfiber and hemp. Those are super duper absorbent inserts.
I found that I didn’t really like the diapers with microfiber. As I mentioned, my front loader was not doing a good job of getting the diapers clean or rinsed, and the microfiber compounded the issue. So, I decided to give diapers with all natural fibers a try.
bumGenius Flip: This is a system with a separate cover and insert. I got the organic cotton insert. The insert is awesome, very soft and extremely absorbent. I didn’t love the fit of the cover on Adam, though. He always ended up with bad snap marks.
GroBaby: This looks like it could be a nice system with it’s organic cotton snap in insert and accompanying cover, but we never really got to test it out because it was just too tight on Adam.
Bottombumpers All in One: This was by far my favorite of the ones we tried. It’s made with cotton and bamboo, and is so soft. They have snap in inserts, so they dry as quickly as pocket diapers. I got the ones with hook and loop closures, and I loved them. I always had a hard time getting a perfect fit with snapping diapers, and this solved the problem.
We also tried cotton prefolds, but I didn’t love the bulk.
There were a few miscellaneous things we tried, too.
bumGenius Flip disposable inserts: I got these to try with the Flip cover. These were the worst thing we tried. The inserts are extremely narrow and tend to shift and bunch inside the cover while being worn. This always resulted in an extremely soiled cover whenever poop was involved. Plus, Adam reacted to the inserts themselves. I’m assuming it was to the starch based glue they use in them.
Grobaby Bio Soaker disposable inserts: These are great. They have gusseted sides which hold in the contents, so no soiled cover problems like with the Flip disposable inserts. They are pricey, but I got them during the buy one get one free sale which I believe is still going on. The one thing I don’t like about them is the adhesive on each end. They probably work ok with the Grobaby cover, but since we couldn’t use that one I used them in other covers. The adhesive sticks like crazy, and my other covers don’t like that at all.
Thirsties Duo Cover: I’ve used this cover with both the Flip organic insert and Grobaby Bio Soaker disposable inserts, and they both work well (other than the adhesive issue previously mentioned.) This cover is fantastic, and I love the fit I can get with the hook and look closure.
I also tried a couple of new brands of disposables. Adam’s been in Huggies since the beginning, but the idea of have a diaper with fewer chemicals, etc, appealed to me. We tried both Seventh Generation and Whole Foods 365 diapers, but I didn’t like either of them. The inside of the Seventh Generation ones bunched up really badly on Adam, and the 365 ones didn’t fit him well. We even got leaks with those which is not something we’re used to with disposables. In case anyone is comparing, the Seventh Generation run much smaller than the 365. It seems that Huggies runs in the middle of the two size wise.
As much as I would have loved to have gone with the Bottombumpers full time, it’s not happening. So, we’ve been using the Grobaby Bio Soakers in the Thirsties Duo cover as well as Huggies Pull Ups. Now I’ve got to figure out what to do with my stash of cloth.
What’s funny is that after devoting all of this money and energy to the perfect diaper pursuit Adam decided this past week that he needed me to buy him some new underwear. He’s been wearing them off and on the past couple of days. I wonder if it will stick this time.
How’s the Little Man? November 20, 2009
I know several people have asked how Adam is doing. He’s great.
I am finding it absolutely amazing to watch him learn and grow. He surprises me all the time. A couple of weeks ago we learned that he knows his numbers 1-10 in Spanish. It’s not something we sat down and practiced. He just picked it up.
He does stuff like that a lot. Tonight he counted backwards from 10 (in English). Who knew. His brain is just a sponge.
Adam loves to explore. He loves to figure out how stuff works. I call him my little engineer. He does stuff like taking apart the vacuum cleaner and then putting it back together. His brain is so cool.
It’s been fun to watch his personality develop. When we started going to music classes a year and a half ago, he was the shy toddler who preferred to sit away from the group. Now he’s the one who gives all of the kids in class “sneak attack” hugs. He really is a total sweetheart.
He love animals, too. He loves his two kitties, and he loves seeing the neighborhood dogs out for walks. “Puppies!” He’ll pet anything that lets him.
He has limitless energy and wears me out on a daily basis. I swear, just attempting to go on a shopping trip is a challenge. “Adam, please close the door to the freezer case.” “Adam please put that down and come this way.” If there’s a knob, he needs to turn it. If there’s a door, he needs to open it. It’s good, though. I mean, aside from the frustration of not being able to buy more than five things at a time.
Things have calmed down on the medical front which is always good. The fluid in his ears is gone, so no more talk of tubes and no more visits to the ENT unless he develops a separate problem. He finished with speech therapy many months ago, and has caught up tremendously. He has a wonderful vocabulary now, speaks in sentences, and all that good stuff.
The food stuff is still an issue, but his diet has continued to expand and he is growing like an absolute weed. The kid is tall, something he does not get from me. He’s still on Neocate Jr. to make sure he’s got all nutritional bases covered, and I think we’re all fine with that at this point.
So yeah, he’s good. Every single day Adam will just come up to me out of the blue and say “Hi Mama” and give me the biggest hug ever. It doesn’t get better than that.
The End? A New Beginning? You Got Me. October 8, 2009
Sometimes I wonder if I should just shut this thing down. Should I delete it? Leave it up? What? And then I read a post like this, a post that resonates with me, and I finally come back to type.
I don’t know where to pick up really. It’s been too long. But I’ll try.
We just took a trip to spend a long weekend with my brother, sister-in-law, and their daughter, Adam’s only cousin. Every time I’m with them I feel the ping. Their daughter is 11 months old. It’s the ping of watching a little one, watching Adam interact with a little one. The ping of knowing that it’s the road not taken for us.
Before the ugly infertility monster decided to take a few good swings at us, we’d always thought we’d have 2 or 3 kids. Well, that was the fantasy. We all know how the reality turned out. 7 IVF/FET cycles=1 live birth.
That path led us to Adam, though. So, despite the ping, I’m ok with it. It’s been a process to become truly ok with it. But I think I’m there.
I see siblings playing together. I see pregnant bellies at all of our toddler activity classes. I know what’s it’s like to be able to have a sibling as an adult. But they don’t scream as loudly to me now. Oh yes, they still whisper, but they don’t scream.
It wasn’t an instantaneous process to accept that Dan has azoospermia and that our only hope of conceiving a child would be through IVF. It most certainly wasn’t an instantaneous process to accept that even if we signed check after check and I shot up drug after drug that we may or may not get a real live baby out of the deal. So, it’s not surprising that accepting that our family may not have turned out as I originally pictured has taken (is taking) some time.
Like I said, I think I’m mostly there. I know we’re a family of three. Period. And while I’ve never made an official proclamation before, our infertility journey has been over for quite some time.
So, where do I go from here? Am I going to try to figure my way through parenting via this blog? Am I going to neglect it as badly as I’ve done in the recent past? Your guess is as good as mine.
Writing about infertility was more urgent, and more interesting, too, I’m sure. I don’t have the same kind of pain or struggle now. It makes for a more pleasant life but a more boring blog.
Hmm, I wonder what the heck I’m going to do with this thing?
Only In the Computer June 22, 2009
Well, I didn’t mean to leave my blog on that downer note for so long. Things are looking up. Yes, it’s going to take some time to get over all that happened, but we’re ok. That’s what’s important.
So, on a lighter note, I’ve been living out my Fertile Myrtle fantasies with the Sims 3 game these days. I made my Sim’s lifetime wish to raise 5 children. Funny, huh? I even used some of my reward points to purchase a pass to the fertility clinic. Even funnier! My chick already has 3 toddlers and is pregnant again. Like I said, only in the computer.
It kind of makes me think, though. You know, about all of that fertility (or in- as the case may be) stuff. I think I’ve moved passed it as much as is possible for now. And I think that’s a good thing.
I’ll never forget, but I’m healing. You can’t go through that crap without it changing you, but it feels like a whole other life. Adam is my present. He’s just too full of life to waste energy thinking about the past.
So, what about the future? Well, we know I won’t be following in the footsteps of my Fertile Myrtle Sim. That’s a given.
I really think it’s going to be “just” Adam. There’s no “just” about him, but you know what I mean. Dan and I have already decided that we won’t be setting foot back in an IVF clinic again. It was worth every second of it to get Adam, and I’d do all of it all over again in a heartbeat, but I don’t think either of us has it in us to go through another 7 cycles. And while adoption has been discussed on and off, this whole ©ps thing throws a huge wrench into that.
The truth is, though, that even if we could be fertile myrtles, I don’t know that we would. I know that Dan and I both wanted a child so badly that we would jump through a million hoops to make it happen. Now that we’ve done our hoop jumping and have our precious one, well, I think it’s enough. He’s more than enough, actually. More than.
So, I think I’ll save my Fertile Myrtle fantasies for the computer. That’s where they belong.
We Interrupt This Blog Silence May 29, 2009
Wow, even I’m surprised at how long of a break I took from the blog this time.
So, here’s a little catching up. Since I last posted:
My blog turned 5 years old.
I turned 32.
Dan and I celebrated our 11th wedding anniversary.
Adam learned how to count to 10 and spell his name. (So cute!)
So, hopefully I’ll get myself back in gear and start posting again soon.
Deep in Sleep Hell August 20, 2007
We’ve been here before, this frustrating place called sleep hell. Things got better for a while there, though. Adam was consistently taking two naps a day in his crib and sleeping pretty well overnight, waking a couple of times to nurse but going back down easily. Now the new helmet and the fact that we can no longer swaddle him are screwing things up again.
Fortunately we’ve seen some improvements in Adam’s night time sleep over the last week. However, naps seem to be getting worse instead of better. He just will not go to sleep. Once he finally (and I mean finally) does, he sleeps ok, but getting there is the hard part.
I just don’t know what to do. Sometimes he’ll nurse down and sometimes he won’t. It doesn’t seem to make a difference, though, because within 10 minutes or so he’s awake again. It doesn’t appear to matter if I try to move him to the crib immediately or wait and let him doze on the nursing pillow a while. He wakes up whether I move him or not.
When we could use the Miracle Blanket, he’d go right to sleep even if he didn’t nurse down. Now he rolls around in his crib and will not settle down. I hate just leaving him in his crib forever and a day until he finally conks out, but I don’t know what else to do. I just wish I knew how to get him to fall asleep. He won’t rock to sleep. Nursing to sleep isn’t the answer anymore. I just don’t know.
I’m sure the helmet isn’t helping matters. I am so ready to run that thing over with my car. I don’t even care that we paid an arm and a leg for it. I know he needs to wear it, so on it stays, but I still hate the darn thing.
I’m hoping things will improve at some point. It’s just hard right now when he’s so tired. Oh Adam, won’t you please go to sleep? Pretty please?
My 7 Month Old Helmet Wearing Swaddle Addict August 10, 2007
Adam is 7 months old today. He’s been wearing his new hat for about a week now, and I don’t know who hates it more, him or me. I know he needs it. One look at his wonky head confirms that for me every time, but it’s still really hard.
Things are better now than they were when he got it last week, though. The first day he wouldn’t even lay down in it without crying. He’s had a gradual breaking in schedule ramping up the time he’s spent wearing it each day, and he started wearing it full time, 23 hours a day, on Tuesday. He gets pretty fussy in it and has had some trouble sleeping in it, but I know it’s just a matter of getting adjusted to it. You should see him when he gets his hour break in the evening, though. Oh my goodness, that’s one happy little guy.
In addition to the helmet messing with his sleep a bit, we have another major sleep issue to deal with at the moment. Adam really needs to be swaddled to sleep well. He hasn’t had his legs swaddled in months, but we swaddle his arms in the Miracle Blanket and it does the trick.
Recently, though, he’s been escaping from it multiple times per night. Then he thinks it’s play time and starts rolling around the crib. Last night was the last straw when he managed to roll over on his belly while swaddled. Not good, so I unwrapped him and put him in a sleep sack instead.
I knew it wasn’t going to go well, and it didn’t. He played and rolled and rolled and played, traveling the length of the crib many times over. Not so cute at 1:00 in the morning. Plus, he can roll back to front in both directions but only one way front to back, so when he manages to wedge himself down at the end of the crib facing the wrong way on his stomach, he’s stuck. I kept hearing thump…thump…thump. That was him bumping his helmet against the crib while trying to roll over against it. Silly goose. I had to go lay him back down more than once.
He finally settled down and went to sleep for a bit, but then he woke up and played some more. He fell asleep again, but then decided to start his day at 5:40 AM. I’m hoping so much that the novelty of being able to roll around in the crib wears off in a few days. I think we’re in for a long weekend, though.
The poor little guy’s system still isn’t taking too well to solids, so we’re taking a break for now. It’s a good thing that darn helmet hasn’t interfered with breastfeeding any. I was really worried that it would, but so far we’re doing ok in that department.
Other than the helmet issue, sleep issue, and sensitive GI system issue, he’s doing well. He’s doing a whole lot better now that I’m on the elimination diet, so much so that he really does seem like a different person. He’s totally itching to be even more mobile than he is now, pivoting around on his stomach and rolling all over the living room floor. I know he cannot wait to crawl. He’s still growing by leaps and bounds and looking more and more like a little boy than a baby every day. Here are a few shots from last week. As you can see, the exersaucer does a pretty good job of distracting him from the helmet.
The Complicated Infant August 2, 2007
We took Adam to see an allergist last week since he’s dealing with all of this food sensitivity stuff. Yesterday I got the report that he sent to Adam’s pediatrician in the mail. It had various sections, history, meds, etc, and towards the end there was an assessment section. The allergist’s first sentence in that portion of the report started with “Adam is a very complicated infant.” I have to admit that the way that sounded to me made me chuckle a bit. That’s my boy, the complicated infant.
I do get discouraged with Adam’s issues from time to time. It’s hard when he’s dealing with multiple issues at once, and it’s frustrating when there is only so much I can do about it. Even though I know I shouldn’t, I feel guilty, too. I feel like I’m to blame. I mean, why does he have plagiocephaly? Because he has torticollis. Why does he have torticollis? Because he was cramped up in my little uterus. And I’m pretty sure he got the food sensitivity genes through me. My dad had the same type of issues when he was a kid. Plus, he reacts to things I eat, things I choose to put in my mouth. Obviously I would never intentionally eat something that I know he’ll react to, but the guilt is still there.
I just wish so much that he didn’t have to go through all of this. I hate that we have to give him medicine for his reflux six times a day. I hate that we have to do those neck stretches which make him scream multiple times a day. I hate that he’s going to have to wear a helmet for his plagiocephaly. I hate that his poor little GI system gets so upset so easily.
Thank goodness all of those things should be temporary. At least I hope they will be. This won’t last forever.
I guess I should look at the progress we’re making and the steps we’re taking to move us forward. Adam is getting his STARband helmet this afternoon. I’m very nervous about the whole thing, but the sooner he starts treatment the sooner he’ll be done with it.
The GI stuff is a little less straightforward. It’s more of a one step forward, two steps back type of a situation. He had a definite reaction a couple of weeks ago that we traced back to turkey in my diet. I would never have thought turkey would cause a reaction, but what do I know. We’ve also been trying to start solids with him when he’s been free of reaction from my diet, and that’s going slowly. We’ve had to stop and start a couple of times due to reactions.
The allergist recommended that I stay on the elimination diet (no dairy, soy, eggs, wheat, nuts, fish, seafood, or beef and now turkey) until Adam is 12 months old. He did support the slow introduction of solids to his diet making sure not to give him foods that are typically allergenic. So, that’s the plan for now. Adam really is doing so much better now that I’m on this elimination diet. It’s tough, but it’s so worth it to see him doing better.
So, I guess things are a bit complicated. That’s ok, though. Normal is boring anyway.
Adam’s Getting a New Hat July 20, 2007
Adam had two appointments on Wednesday to follow up with the plagiocephaly situation. It was a tough day. The combination of missed morning nap, plus two separate appointments, plus an hour and a half wait at the doctor’s office, plus the results of the day was just about enough to send us both over the edge.
First he had his second head scan. The results weren’t encouraging. Even with all of the stretching exercises and repositioning that we’ve been doing his head hasn’t improved at all. In fact, the symmetry measurement was a little worse. It was disappointing to see that number go up instead of down.
Then we went on to see the pediatric rehab specialist. She said that we could wait another month and rescan him, but that it would basically be delaying the inevitable. The sooner we get him into a helmet the better it will work and the less time he’ll have to be in it. So, helmet it is.
It wasn’t a hard decision to make from a medical standpoint. Would I rather him spend a few months wearing a helmet or spend a lifetime with a wonky head? Not hard to answer. However, from an emotional standpoint, it was a hard decision to make. I didn’t expect to be so emotional about it, but I am. I don’t want my little man to be stuck in a helmet for 23 hours a day for 3-4 months. I know it’s for the best, though, so we shall proceed.
I’m pretty sure the experience will be easier than I’m expecting. I know that little kiddos adjust quickly to such things. It’s just tough to think about. Plus, he’s already dealing with so much on the GI front. I just hate to add to that.
Like with most things, it helps to hear from other people who have dealt with the same issues. Suz has been a great help and a source of reassurance. Thank goodness for my blogging pals.
There’s some question over whether or not our insurance will pay for his helmet. His case has got to go before a predetermination board to determine whether or not the insurance company thinks the helmet is medically necessary. Instead of waiting for this process to finish we decided to go ahead and pay out of pocket so we can get the helmet ASAP. Those suckers aren’t cheap (more than a FET at my first clinic, less than a FET at my second- I wonder when I’ll stop thinking in terms of IVF $?) but what ya gonna do. Maybe we’ll get reimbursed for part of it, maybe we won’t. I’m not going to sit around and waste precious time waiting for the slow wheels of the insurance company to turn, though. We’re going to get this show on the road.
His helmet was ordered today, so I think that means he should be fitted with it not this coming week but the next. Until then I’ll be constantly kissing his cute little head.
More on the Diet Situation July 13, 2007
I had a few comments on my last post about the elimination diet, so I thought I’d blog some more about that. The problem really isn’t that I’m on an elimination diet. The problem is that I’m a picky eater on an elimination diet. It makes things a bit more complicated.
So since dairy, eggs, soy, wheat, nuts, fish, shellfish, and beef are out right now, what do I eat? Well, that would be chicken, pork, fruits, veggies, rice, and potatoes. That sounds like it should be plenty, but it’s hard when you’re used to eating yummy things like pizza, cookies, and even things like hamburgers.
It’s really changed not only how I shop (I’ve got to read every label very carefully) but how I eat. I didn’t use to eat a lot of rice or potatoes, relying more on wheat, but now I eat them every day. I’m really not a veggie lover, and that hasn’t changed, but I make myself eat them nonetheless.
Breakfast is the hardest for me. I eat fruit every morning, but that doesn’t cut it. I can’t have eggs or things made with flour like pancakes or waffles. (I did try some wheat-free, dairy-free, egg-free waffles, but I couldn’t finish them. Yuck.) I don’t like oatmeal, but it would be out anyway since Adam reacts to oatmeal. (He broke out in a rash from Aveeno lotion.) There aren’t a ton of cereals I can eat, but I have found one that’s safe that I like. I eat it dry, though, because I don’t like rice milk. (See, I told you I was picky.) Potatoes and bacon with a side of fruit is my new favorite breakfast.
On Sunday nights I usually make a pot of something that I can eat off for lunches during the week. There’s really not many convenience foods that I can eat, and I can’t really stop to cook during the week, so that’s what I’ve been doing. I’ve made things like chili with pork instead of beef, chicken jambalaya, and beans, rice, and ham. Not exactly what I would call gourmet cuisine, or even things I really like a whole lot, but they get the job done. Dinner is usually pork or chicken with either rice or potatoes and a veggie. It gets repetitive, but that’s just how it is.
I’ve found a few snacks I can eat like safe chips, potato or corn chips made without soybean oil, some varieties of fruit snacks, certain brands of sorbet, and even a couple of different kinds of candy. I have to admit, though, that I would much prefer even just a teeny tiny bite of ice cream. It’s been 5 months since I’ve had dairy, and it’s hard not to crave it.
A couple of weeks ago we took a trip to Whole Paycheck to try to find some alternative foods. We found some things that were top 8 allergen free, but I have to admit that I haven’t liked very many of them. I mean, did I really think that dairy-free, soy-free, nut-free cookies would be edible? Dan liked them, though. I’m learning that I’m not big on the substitute type of foods. I did find one thing that’s not bad, though, and it kind of surprised me: rice pasta. I didn’t expect to like it, but it’s growing on me so now I can at least have some semblance of spaghetti.
So, how do I get enough calories? That’s a tricky one for me especially given the fact that I need more calories because I’m breastfeeding. I guess I don’t always get enough hence the weight loss. I’m trying, though. I have a good metabolism, one that’s used to eating cookies and the like, so I really do have to make myself eat more now that I’m not eating a lot of junk. I also try to do the opposite of what you do when you diet, like drink calories by drinking Gatorade occasionally instead of just water. I also make sure that I eat something right before I go to bed at night.
I just have to keep reminding myself that this is only temporary. One day he’ll either grow out of it or I’ll be done breastfeeding. I’m not sure which will come first, but I’ll be able to eat all of those foods that I crave again eventually. Right now, though, this is what’s best for Adam. That’s the most important thing. (Oh, and the little guy weighed in at 18 lbs, 6 oz and was 26 3/4″ tall at his 6 month checkup today, so I must be doing something right. It’s good to know that he’s thriving despite all of this stuff.)
6 Months July 10, 2007
Our little guy turned 6 months old today, and you know what? I still have to pinch myself.
He’s been up to quite a bit lately. In addition to sitting up, he finally decided that it was time to roll over. I was starting to wonder if he’d ever get around to it, and he finally decided he was ready. It’s no surprise to me that he sat up without support before he rolled over, though, given the fact that I’ve been unable to put him in any sort of horizontal position so many times due to the reflux/GI issues.
Speaking of that, things are going ok in that department. I’ve been on the elimination diet, no dairy, wheat, eggs, nuts, fish, shellfish, soy, or beef, for five weeks now. It’s still kicking my ass, but it’s helping Adam which is the most important thing. I’ve tried reintroducing eggs and beef, separately of course, and he reacted to both so they both went back on the forbidden list.
I get frustrated being unable to eat so many things that I would really love to eat, but my main problem with the diet is that I’m having trouble maintaining my weight on it. I’m only a pound away from dipping down into the double digits right now, and that’s not good. I know it’s a problem many would like to have, but it’s a problem nonetheless. So far it hasn’t affected my milk production, but I’m worried that it could.
Breastfeeding is going well, and I can honestly say that I enjoy it now. I’m so glad that I didn’t give up in the beginning, because I can’t imagine not breastfeeding him. I guess it’s obvious from the whole elimination diet thing how much I’m willing to go through to be able to maintain that relationship.
Adam is totally ready to start solids and has been for a while. He goes nuts when we eat or drink in front of him, pulling our plates towards him or grabbing at whatever it is we’re snacking on at the moment. He loves to hold Dan’s soft drink cans and lick the sides of them. I really do want to start him on some solid food soon, but I know that it will be challenging. Not only will I have to stop reintroducing eliminated foods into my diet whenever we introduce something new directly to him, but we’ll have to take things pretty slowly just to make sure his sensitive system is ok with what we give him.
The whole sleep issue is still a work in progress. Some days are better than others, but things are definitely better than the were before. Adam’s been sleeping in his crib every night but wants nothing to do with it for naps. It will come in time, I’m sure. He’s been going through his 6 month growth spurt the last week and a half and is reminding me of those early days, nursing every 2-3.5 hours at night and even more frequently during the day.
Speaking of growing, I know exactly where all of my weight is going. Straight to him, of course. He’s getting so big, and I can’t wait to find out the official numbers when we go for his check up on Friday.
I find that often times I get caught up in the day to day stuff, trying to make sure Adam actually naps or attempting to decipher what’s going on with his GI issues. It’s nice, however, when something happens to make me reflect a little. Yesterday we got another medical bill from Adam’s birth in the mail. They tend to trickle in every now and again, so I thought nothing of it when I opened it last night.
It was from the neonatologist’s office and I quickly scanned it to find out how much we owed. Then my eyes came to rest of the description of service provided: newborn resuscitation. It was the bill from the doctor who had resuscitated Adam after he was born not breathing. I don’t think I’ve ever had an easier time writing a check in my life. I mean, how can you put a price on that?
It just reminded me how much we went through to get our little guy, all the way from the early infertility days, through all of the IVF cycles, right down to those heart stopping moments after delivery. Seeing that bill allowed the gratefulness I feel in my heart to rise to the surface. I am just so very thankful that we have him in our lives. I don’t think there really are words to express how much.
I Think Someone Switched Babies on Me June 28, 2007
Adam took two naps today totaling 3.5 hours of sleep time. Incredible.
I thought it had backfired on us when I went to nurse him to sleep tonight, though. He nursed for 40 minutes and then was done. Sounds good except for one problem. He was wide awake. I changed his diaper and then tried to get him to nurse again so I could get him to nurse himself to sleep. Nothing doing. So, I wrapped him up in the Miracle Blanket, put him down in his crib, turned up the music a tad, and left the room.
I stood on the other side of the door just knowing that he was going to start fussing any minute. What did that crazy little goober do? He talked to himself for a while, kicked around for a bit, and then went to sleep on his own. I think I’m still in shock.
A Little Less Baffled June 26, 2007
First off, thank you all so much for your comments and suggestions on the whole sleep issue. It does help to know that we’re not the first ones dealing with this.
It’s only been a few days, but I can honestly say that things are a little better. Saturday, after Adam only took one 40 minute nap, I decided that we were going to make every attempt to get him to bed earlier. It didn’t matter that we had tried the early bedtime thing before without success. He needed some sleep.
So, we started getting him ready for bed around 6:30. We did the regular routine, and then I brought him into the bedroom to nurse. Wouldn’t you know it, he was asleep in his crib before 7:30.
Yep, I also decided we were just going to try the crib again see what happened. I was fully prepared to have him wake up an hour or two later. Well, he stirred a bit at 10:00 but settled back down to sleep after I turned his night time music back on. He stirred again at 3:00, but again went back to sleep. He didn’t wake up with his “you better feed me now” cry until 5:00, an astounding 9.5 hours after going to sleep. I nursed him and put him back in the crib, and he slept until 7:10.
I knew better than to post about it on Sunday, because the last thing I needed was to jinx myself, but Sunday night and last night went relatively well also. I got him down at 7:25 Sunday, he woke up at 2:00 and 5:00 to nurse, going back down in the crib easily after each time, and woke for the day at 6:40. Last night he went down at 7:40, woke up screaming at 10:00 (I think it was the teething), nursed then and again at 5:20, and woke for the day at 7:00.
I feel so much better knowing he’s getting almost 2 more hours of sleep at night than he had previously been getting. Besides the early bedtime, which is obviously huge, we also changed a couple more things. We moved the crib to the foot of our bed. I’m not sure if it helps him to be closer to us, but it sure is easier to check on him that way. I also asked Dan to construct a makeshift cover for the huge ass arched window we have in our bedroom. Even with blackout curtains on the regular part of the window, it was just way too bright in the bedroom. Now we have a custom made (fittingly constructed from a Pack n’ Play box and a Huggies box) shade for our arch, and it makes a big difference.
I think the early bedtime is key, though. It sucks that Adam won’t get to hang out with Dan during the week now because Dan rarely gets home before 7:30, but we need to get that little man some sleep. I feel more comfortable with him sleeping in his crib, too. I like that he has his own sleeping space, plus then he can sleep with the mattress propped up at an angle which is better for his reflux.
Naps the past couple of days have still been difficult. Sunday he took one 1 hour nap. Yesterday he took a 40 minute nap in the morning and wouldn’t nap in the afternoon. He was so tired, though, so I popped him in the car and got him to fall asleep that way. He ended up napping for an hour and a half.
This morning I decided to try something different. I figured the earlier bedtime seemed to work so well that we might as well try an earlier nap time, too. I got him to sleep by 8:30, an hour and a half after he had woken up, and he napped for exactly an hour. For nap #2 I got him down a little after noon, so 2.5 hours after he had woken up from nap #1, and again he slept for an hour. He went right to sleep after nursing both times. I went ahead and let him sleep on the mattress on our bedroom floor instead of putting him in the crib. I might have gotten away with it, but I figure one step at a time.
Unfortunately the early naps backfired a little when he laughed in the face of my attempt to get him to take a third nap. His second nap ended so early in the day that it was a long time until bedtime. Two naps are a good step in the right direction, though, and I got him down to sleep tonight even a little earlier at 7:00 to compensate for the early nap situation. This is all definitely a work in progress.
So yeah, we’re still nursing to sleep, but that’s what’s working right now. I honestly don’t have it in me to let him cry himself to sleep. He really has already spent too much of his short life crying due to all of the GI/reflux issues. We’re making progress on that front, too, and hopefully I’ll get around to posting an update on that whole situation at some point.
The past couple of days have really seemed like a step in the right direction. I guess earlier really is better for him. I think he was just too tired to sleep before. You’ve really got to use some backwards logic with these little people.
And now, on a completely unrelated note, I just had to share this picture of Adam sitting up on his own. You think he’s just a little excited about his latest accomplishment?
This Sleep Thing Baffles Me June 23, 2007
Sleep is one of those things I didn’t have to worry about in the early days of parenthood. Oh sure, I worried about not getting enough for myself, but I never worried about Adam not getting enough. He slept all the time. Now is a different story, however. We’re having some serious sleep issues these days. Let’s start with night time sleep.
The only place Adam would sleep at night after we came home from the hospital was his bouncer. We tried everything else we could think of (and purchased all kinds of stuff that we didn’t end up using) but that’s the only place he’d sleep so we went with it. We tried transitioning him to the crib at one point before he was diagnosed and treated for reflux, and he ended up spitting up both through his mouth and nose during the night the few times we tried. Well then after his reflux diagnosis it just made sense to leave him in the bouncer.
Now he’s just getting too darn big for the bouncer. We’ve tried putting him to sleep in the crib, but he ends up waking up after 1-2 hours. He hates that darn crib. We moved the mattress from our guest bed to our bedroom floor so I’d have a place to nurse and change him without disturbing Dan too much. He’ll sleep on the mattress with me just fine, usually only waking once to nurse just like he did when in the bouncer, so that’s what we’ve been doing the past few nights. I don’t know if this is a permanent solution or not.
One thing that really confuses me about night time sleep is bedtime. Adam usually goes to sleep somewhere around 9 or 9:15. He usually nurses for about an hour before that. I keep reading about early bedtimes, but it just doesn’t seem to work for him. We’ve tried going through his regular bedtime routine earlier by varying amounts, and he still doesn’t go to sleep until 9 or 9:15. He’ll play and stall or just nurse longer.
Naps are even more of a problem. He is so not napping well these days. Today he took one 40 minute nap. That’s it. In the early days he just nursed himself to sleep and slept in my arms. I guess some people would think that’s where the problem lies, but nursing him to sleep just seems so natural to me. The problem is that he’s not doing it consistently for nap time any more. He still seems like he’s nursing himself down most of the time, but then he finishes and then just looks up at me with big sleepy eyes.
So, what do I do then? I’ve tried putting him down in the crib. That’s a joke. He just won’t go to sleep there even if he’s way tired. He’ll just lay there, and then eventually he’ll start fussing to get out. I’ve tried nursing him on the mattress in the bedroom and then laying him down on the mattress when he’s done. This works some of the time. Other times he just lays there for a while talking to himself and then starts protesting.
I’ll admit to getting desperate, putting him in the car seat, and driving him around until he falls asleep. Sometimes that’s the only thing that will work.
I’m getting really stressed out about the whole thing, because it’s obvious that he needs more sleep than he’s getting. I feel like I’m failing at part of my job as a parent. I mean, getting only 10 hours of sleep a day can’t be good for him. Sometimes he’ll get 11 or 12, but even that doesn’t seem like enough for a 5.5 month old.
I know I can’t handle the whole cry it out thing, so that’s out. I don’t really know what to do. I know I can’t expect too much right now because he’s teething and that screws everything up. However, this has been going on longer than the teething has. It’s been going on too long. I’m sure the whole reflux situation doesn’t help either. I know eventually things will get better, at least I hope they will, but it still worries me right now.
Man, sometimes I wonder if this is the same baby who slept through the entire night at 3 months and napped throughout the day without any problems whatsoever. We’re so not there anymore.
5 Months June 10, 2007
I know it’s been forever and a year since I blogged. I just can’t ever seem to sit down at the computer long enough to get a whole post out.
Adam turns 5 months old today. My little guy isn’t quite as little now. He’s up to 17 pounds and 26.5 inches. He definitely takes after Dan in that respect.
His reflux issues have been giving him a tough time lately. We got into see a pediatric GI on Tuesday who changed his meds a bit and suggested than in addition to my dairy free diet that I eliminate soy, eggs, nuts, and fish for the time being. We’ll keep him on the new meds for a while before starting to reintroduce those things into my diet to see if they’re causing an issue.
I have to admit that being on such a limited diet is kicking my ass, but it will be worth it if it helps. It’s a great weight loss tool, though. It was weird to step on the scale this morning and think that I really need to find a way to not lose any more weight. I’m not sure I’ve ever had that thought before.
I really just want Adam to feel better. It will be nice when the days of spitting up, major fussing, and dose after dose of meds are behind us.
We’ve also been dealing with Adam’s plagiocephaly issue. We saw the specialist on Monday who confirmed our suspicions when she diagnosed him with torticollis. For the first few months Adam would only lay his head to the right. He also strongly preferred to look to the right. It turns out that that’s due to the fact that the muscles on that side of his neck are much tighter than the other. We now have to do stretching exercises three times a day in order to stretch those muscles out.
Since he always laid his head to the right, that side of his head became flattened. He had a head scan on Friday to determine the severity of the plagiocephaly, and his measurements put him on the moderate to severe border. We’ll continue the exercises, and he’ll go back for another scan in a little over a month to see what progress he’s made. That will determine if he’ll need a helmet or not.
On the non medical side of things, Adam is into some cute things these days. He laughed his first real laugh a couple weeks ago, and has done it a couple of times since. It’s music to my ears. He also recently found his feet. He loves to play with those feet.
Breastfeeding is going well. I’d love to post more about that sometime. I’m so glad I stuck in out in the beginning. It was hard then, and it’s a little challenging now given the whole food sensitivity/diet situation, but I am so thankful for our good breastfeeding relationship. Even those challenges don’t give me a second’s hesitation about continuing on. (Plus, the goober wants nothing to do with a bottle anyway. He knows what he likes.)
So, that’s how things have been going. I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve found dealing with everything that comes along with the reflux issue difficult. There has been more than one occasion when Adam and I have been crying in unison. I know it’s temporary, though, and it most certainly doesn’t keep me from enjoying the heck out of our little guy.
When he was born that I thought I couldn’t feel more thankful that he was in our lives. I was wrong. I just feel more thankful every day.
Special Days May 14, 2007
Today is my birthday, my 30th birthday to be exact. It feels kinda weird to not be in my 20’s anymore. Does this mean I have to be a real grown up now?
We don’t really have anything special planned for today, but that’s ok because yesterday was more than special for me. The past few Mother’s Days have really been hard. It was pretty surreal to actually be celebrating it this year. Dan got me some extremely lovely and heartfelt gifts that left me in tears.
I have to admit, though, that even though yesterday was a happy day that it was also impossible not to think about what it took to get to this place, to remember the pain of the past five years. My thoughts were also with all of my friends who are still in the trenches. I want so much for them to be able to celebrate Mother’s Day, too.
All in all, though, it was a very special day that I won’t soon forget. I’m so thankful that I got to cry happy tears instead of sad ones this year.
So, you would think that between yesterday and today I’d be set as far as special days are concerned. Well, there’s one more coming up in the near future. On Wednesday Dan and I will celebrate our 9th wedding anniversary.
I really can’t fully express what all of these special days mean to me. I am just so very grateful to have a wonderful husband and now an amazing son. My heart is so full.
4 Months May 11, 2007
Adam turned four months old yesterday. He had his checkup today, and he’s up to 15 lbs, 13 oz and 25.5 inches tall, putting him in the 75th percentile for both.
He’s doing pretty well, although some of his reflux symptoms have returned. His doctor upped his dose of Prevacid, so hopefully that will help. The doctor noticed that he’s showing signs of plagiocephaly with his head being flattened on one side, so he’s also going to refer him to a pediatric physical medicine doctor to have it evaluated.
Life with our little guy is amazing. It’s crazy to think that one year ago tomorrow we transferred our last four embryos. To say that I am thankful that one of them hung on to become Adam would be an enormous understatement.
