The “Right” Way To Be Pregnant October 9, 2006
I hit the 24 week mark yesterday. I love milestones. Now if I can just make it to 28.
I’m having a hard time wrapping my brain around certain things right now and an even harder time of articulating them. I just wrote two versions of the same post and then deleted them.
I guess it comes down to my feelings about experiencing this pregnancy. I’m feeling some pressure from people in the “real world” to experience things in a more “normal” way. I know what I’m comfortable with and what I’m not. I need to feel confident that it’s ok for me to do things my way.
My “normal” is not most people’s “normal” and that’s just the way it is. I’m ok with that. I know that I’m experiencing things differently than if I hadn’t been down the multiple IVF cycle/miscarriage road, but I see the bright side of that.
Instead of focusing on the fact that I’m much more cautious and worried than I probably otherwise would have been, I realize that I appreciate this experience more, too. I treasure every kick, every milestone, every everything. I take nothing for granted. So what if I’m not one of those people who can go out and buy baby furniture at 12 weeks. I’m enjoying this in my own way.
I’m feeling the need for privacy these days, too. (Not from the internets, of course. I tell you guys all kinds of stuff.) But when you’re open about IVF with people, you basically have to be open about betas, ultrasounds, and the like as well. I guess people translate that into being open about all things pregnancy related. I’ve decided that I need for some of this to be just for Dan and myself.
So, even though I’ve been asked more times than I care to count if we’ve named the little guy yet, I’ve decided that that info will be just for the two of us for the duration. I’ve also decided that I will not be pressured into having a shower if I don’t feel comfortable having one. I reserve the right to change my mind, but right now I’m having some definite feelings on the issue. I also won’t be taking or sharing pictures if I don’t feel up to it. I will do things the way I feel comfortable doing them. Is that selfish? Yep. But I need to do this my way.
This may be the only time I get to experience this pregnancy stuff. I may not be doing it the “right” way or the “normal” way, but I’m ok with that. I’m loving every second I get to spend with the little guy in there, and to me, that’s the most important thing. I just don’t think I could regret not doing the typical pregnancy type things at the typical times when I’ve got that.
First Time for Everything October 5, 2006
I actually had an OB appointment today and didn’t beg for an ultrasound. It’s definitely a first. It’s not because I’m feeling any more secure, because I’m not. It’s just that I had one two weeks ago and I know that I’ll be having a detailed one done when I go back and see the peri next week.
My appointment was pretty uneventful without any ultrasound action. The things they did check were ok, though.
She said that she wanted me to come back in four weeks. Oh, how that makes me nervous. Thank goodness I have that peri appointment in a week. Plus, I know I can always call and go in before then if need be.
One thing that took me aback today happened when I was checking out. We have new insurance as a result of Dan changing jobs. It’s not nearly as good as our previous insurance, but I’ll take what I can get. They had worked up exactly how much I needed to pay including my deductible, office copays, and the doctor’s fee for delivery. Um, ok. The thing is, though, that they wanted me to pay it like now. What? I have no idea if this is common policy or not, but it makes me very uncomfortable.
It’s not about the money. It’s about the fact that they’re just assuming that things are just going to keep going on course. I tried to mutter out something about the fact that this had been a long road, and I just couldn’t assume that I’d be getting a baby out of it. I’m sure the receptionist thought I was nuts, but I don’t care.
Hell, I can’t think about preparing a nursery or anything like that. You think I can pay ahead for all of the office visits that I may or may not have? Don’t get me started on thinking about paying delivery costs.
So, I didn’t pay anything. I couldn’t. Maybe if I make it to my next scheduled appointment in four weeks. Maybe then. I don’t know if I’ll ever be comfortable with making assumptions that things are going to work out, though. It’s still hard to believe.
On Blogging October 2, 2006
I don’t ever think I could take this pregnancy for granted.
I don’t ever think I could forget what hell it took to get to this point.
I don’t ever think I could forget that other people are still living that hell right now.
I’ve been thinking about the whole pregnant infertile blogging thing lately. It’s still hard to wrap my head around the fact that I am indeed pregnant, but it’s important for me to think about what that means to my blog.
I know that not everyone who read my blog while I was stuck in cycling hell reads it now. I understand. There were days when I could not bring myself to read blogs written by those who were knocked up when I was in the trenches.
I really hope that this blog will never turn into something that would have made me cringe when I was stuck in my professional IVF patient role. I would never want to make people hurt more than they already do.
There are reasons why I don’t post about certain things. I don’t post ultrasound pictures or belly pics (I’m not the kind to even take those in the first place). I didn’t talk about morning sickness while it was happening. You won’t hear me complaining about the fact that my stomach is covered in bruises from my Lovenox injections. Not only is it hard for me to really get that this is finally happening and thus is hard to blog about, but I just don’t feel right about posting stuff like that. I just don’t. I know this is my blog and I can post whatever I want, but that’s not what I want to focus on.
My battle scars run deep. The hurt has faded some, and I am less bitter now. Hell, I can even walk past a pregnant person without muttering “bitch” under my breath. Oh, yes. I really did that. What can I say? I was hurting badly.
The pain still lurks underneath the happiness. That is one reason why I blog the way I do. It’s also because I sit here and watch my friends feel that kind of pain, and it kills me. No one should ever have to be tortured that way. One of my friends is about to start her sixth fresh cycle. Another one of my friends is stuck in chemical hell after her fourth cycle. I wish I could do more than sit here and hope that the torture ends for both of them.
I guess my longwinded point is that this is why I blog the way I do. This is why I am who I am. I can’t forget what has happened to me or to my friends. Every time I see someone get a negative beta or experience a miscarriage or just get stuck as to how to proceed down the seemingly never ending road, I ache for them and am also reminded of what I went through.
I can finally admit out loud that I’m pregnant. I can’t even begin to express how grateful I am for that fact. Every day that I get to keep the little guy in there is another day that I give thanks for. I may vent from time to time or go off on tagents about who knows what, but that is what is at the core of how I feel right now. I can only hope that my blog reflects that.
I’m a Mess September 28, 2006
I have not even had my new car for a week, and I’ve already managed to hurt it. Poor car.
Apparently I parked too close to the garage wall, and the wall and my car had a battle while I tried to back out of the garage today. I’ve never parked in a garage before we bought this house, but that’s no excuse for me fucking things up. I scraped the paint on my car, damn it! The garage wall didn’t get off too easy either.
Of course this led to me forgoing my planned errands to instead sit in the house crying. This is not an uncommon sight these days. It’s been a daily occurence this week. I know, it’s the hormones, but man, do I feel like a mess.
It’s not just the car. I can’t do anything right. I made a complete mess of the kitchen just trying to dish up dinner last night. I was dropping knives on the floor and just causing all kinds of trouble.
Hell, it had been hours after I returned home yesterday from an outing that included trying on some clothes on in an unsuccessful attempt to buy something new before I noticed that I had my shirt on inside out. Attractive.
Oh, and you should have seen me after I spent 45 minutes on the phone with our new mail order pharmacy trying to track down my Lovenox prescription without success. Long story, but it turns out they threw my Rx away. I lost it as soon as I hung up. Bawling can’t even begin to describe it.
Thank goodness my husband is beyond understanding of the crazy pregnant woman currently residing with him. I can always count on him to calm me down.
I will gladly accept the mess that is the current version of me, because I know it is all for the best cause ever. I do think, however, that I might lock myself in my bedroom for the next few months. I think that might limit the damage a bit.
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I know none of this is a huge deal in the big scheme of things. I just needed to vent. Then I can take a step back and remember how damn lucky I am to have a new car to scrape up and even more importantly, how lucky I am to have a little guy in there to screw up my hormones. I’ve never been happier to be a mess.
How’s This for a Belly Pic? September 26, 2006
Multiple people have questioned me about belly pics. Dan found this the other day, and I thought it was perfect. We both just laughed and laughed when we saw it.
Twins! September 24, 2006
No, not that kind of twins. Car twins.
Dan and I bought new cars yesterday, Accords to be more exact. It was a long time coming. The process wasn’t as bad as I had prepared myself for. We went the internet salesperson route and got a really good deal with less hassle.
I thought I would be fine with one of the lower end models, but after seeing the EX with leather that Dan wanted, it was a pretty easy decision. So, our cars are identical except for the color. Mine’s the silver one.
I told Dan yesterday that after that we’re done spending money. After the house, the furniture, the cars, well I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed. I feel fortunate that we’re now in a place where we can do this, though. It’s amazing what happens when you’re not dropping $75K on IVF.
Of course it’s crossed my mind like a billion times that I’m jinxing things. All of this stuff will mean absolutely nothing if the little guy doesn’t make it. I know I shouldn’t think that way, but it’s impossible not to for a paranoid nut like me.
Today, though, things are good, and I’m very, very grateful. I hit the 22 week mark today, too, so that’s definitely a good thing as well.
It’s You Again? September 21, 2006
I’m starting to think that maybe I should just have a standing weekly appointment at the OB’s office. I was supposed to go in on Monday, but I ended up going in today instead. Sure, it had only been 10 days since my last appointment, but that’s just how it had to be.
I’ve been feeling not so hot lately. I’ve been alternating between feeling uncomfortable and being in quite a bit of pain, so much so that I’ve spent the majority of the past few days laying down since that’s the only thing that seems to help a little bit. I thought it could be UTI related since the pain was in the right region and because it began when my need to empty my bladder started increasing in frequency. I can handle pain, especially for a good cause, but I can’t handle being scared by not knowing what’s going on thus the appointment today.
They did the dip stick test at this morning’s appointment, and no infection was found. They’ll be sending it off to be cultured to make sure there’s nothing wrong.
My OB said that for some people, the type of pain I’ve been experiencing is par for the course. I guess it just goes to show how much I know. When I was sobbing in bed last night over the uncontrollable pain, I could have sworn that it wasn’t normal. She also said that since I’m so tiny (her words, not mine) that the growing pains could be worse for me. I asked about the need to pee every half hour since everything I’ve read points to the third trimester for that sort of thing and I’m still quite a ways away from that mark at 21.5 weeks, and she said that it’s normal for it to happen earlier especially given the petite factor.
I requested another cervix check ultrasound just to be on the safe side. I wanted to make sure those pains weren’t causing anything funky to happen in cervix land. My ultrasound definitely made me feel better. She measured my cervix three different times with the results falling in the 3.9-4.4cm range. This is good news. There was also no funneling present, so all is well in the cervical realm.
She also did an abdominal ultrasound just so I could see the little guy again. I definitely can’t get enough of that.
So, since nothing wrong was found I was told that I’m just going to have to tough out the pain and discomfort. As long as I know that things are ok in there, I can do that. I’m used to toughing things out. Plus, there’s not anything I wouldn’t do for the little guy in there. I want so badly to keep him in there for quite a while longer.
As we were wrapping things up, I asked when I should come back for my next appointment. She said three weeks, but I have my next appointment with the peri in three weeks, so I wanted to avoid that day. Plus, I really need to space these things out a bit. She then suggested coming back in four weeks, but after a quick glance at me she said, “Let’s make that two.” No complaints here.
Best Husband Ever September 18, 2006
I realize I may be a bit biased, but I happen to think I’ve got a good one. He’s most definitely a keeper. He’s back at the firm, working long hours, and he still finds time to make things easier for me. The man truly amazes me.
He was a wonderful IVF partner, and he’s a wonderful partner in this pregnancy. I wish I could share more with him. I can’t wait until he can feel the little guy moving around in there from the outside. I know he feels a little left out right now.
It’s not anyone’s birthday nor is it anywhere near our anniversary. I just feel the need to express my love and appreciation today. I love you, Dan! Thank you for being one hell of a husband.
What a Difference a Week Can Make September 13, 2006
Just over a week ago I was getting antsy about not feeling movement. To be honest, I think I might have been but just didn’t realize it. Now, I’m feeling the little guy quite a bit. It’s different than I expected. I guess that shouldn’t be surprising to me. It’s not like I know what I’m doing one iota with this pregnancy stuff.
What I thought was gas bubbles a week or two ago, I’m now pretty darn sure is actually movement. The past few days the frequency has increased quite a bit.
It’s weird because while this makes things feel a bit more real, it also makes them more surreal. I know that makes no sense, but it’s not like much ever does. I am 20.5 weeks pregnant, and I still really can’t believe it.
I don’t really expect the current state of things to truly sink in anytime soon. I don’t need to take it all in at once, though. Today I’m focusing on how thankful I am for these little bubbles fluttering around inside me. It’s truly amazing to me on so many levels.
Halfway September 11, 2006
Yesterday marked 20 weeks. I can’t believe it. I wish I could say that I spent the day celebrating the milestone, but the truth is that I spent most of the day freaking out.
I started having weird pains yesterday afternoon and then I came very close to passing out last night. That combined with the fact that my worries about my cervix and losing the little guy in general left me in sobs by bedtime. I just totally lost it.
I was supposed to go to the OB on Wednesday for a cervix check, but I ended up going in today instead. I knew there was no way I was going to make it another two days.
Things went well at my appointment. My OB did a vaginal ultrasound to measure my cervix, and it looked closed and measured in at 3.3 cm. It measured 3.9 cm at my level II ultrasound 12 days ago, but that was done abdominally. My OB was happy with it, and I guess I should be, too. I still can’t but help but worry some, though. It’s what I do.
They also ran a CBC to check for anemia because of my adventures in light headedness last night.
I wish my anxiety levels were decreasing instead of increasing, but it seems the further along I get, the more there is to lose. I’m sure my OB’s office thinks I’m a paranoid freak, but that’s just fine. I think it would be typical for me to go back for my next appointment in four weeks, but I’m going back in two at my request. I’d just assume go in a couple times a week, but I guess that might not go over well.
So, I guess the halfway mark just brought more worries with it, but that’s my fault to be sure. I am so grateful to have gotten this far. I really am. I just hope I can make it at least a couple more months.
Home Alone September 5, 2006
Well, I guess that’s not completely true. I do have the kitties to keep me company.
Today is Dan’s first day back at the firm, so my days of having a stay at home husband have come to an end. It was so nice being able to spend so much time with him, and those 3+ weeks really flew by. Unfortunately the bills won’t pay themselves, though, so back to work he goes.
On a different note, I failed to mention that the peri did confirm at our Level II that the little guy is indeed a boy. Considering that the nuchal translucency tech guessed it was a boy at 12.5 weeks, our early fetal sex determination blood test came back boy, our OB thought it was a boy at our 15.5 week ultrasound, and now the peri concurred at 18.5 weeks, I think it’s safe to say that he’s in fact a he.
Neither Dan nor I had a preference. We would have been happy with a boy, girl, or alien after everything we went through to get to this point, but it is exciting to know.
Things are going ok while I hang out and wait for my next appointment. I do have to admit, though, that I’m getting very antsy to feel some movement in there. I crossed the 19 week mark on Sunday, so I know it could be any day now. He’s been a total wiggle worm on our ultrasounds, but I just can’t feel it yet. Thank goodness I can still pull out the doppler to check on things. I don’t know what I’d do without that.
Better September 1, 2006
It’s always good to have a couple of days to let yourself just breath. I’ve now digested Wednesday’s news and am finding myself doing better with it.
I have to admit that I’m worried less about the echogenic focus than about my body failing the little guy. Placenta issues and cervix issues and MTHFR issues all combine together to add just a tiny bit of worry to the situation.
I’m not going to be having any more testing done. The risk of an amnio is just not something I’m up for after all it took to get to this point. Plus, Dan and I are both in agreement that we wouldn’t terminate if the little guy does fall on the wrong side of the odds and does have Downs. It’s not really something we had discussed in detail before since we didn’t ever really expect to have this IVF stuff work in the first place and quite honestly our feelings in the past may not have been the same as our feelings now, but when the peri asked us on Wednesday if we would terminate if an amnio showed Downs we both answered no. It would be a different story if we were dealing with the possibility of something terminal, but I don’t think either of us could feel any other way at this point.
All of the stuff with my cervix and the placenta does worry me, but I feel better knowing that I’m in good hands with both my OB and the peri and that I am being monitored closely. My OB said from the very beginning that they would be watching me like a hawk, and that is indeed what’s happening.
I guess all of my time spent on the IVF roller coaster has allowed me to roll with the punches a bit more easily than I would have been able to without it. I know that unexpected things can pop up at any time. You just have to do your best to keep moving forward, and that’s what I’m doing. I’m trying my best to do what I can on my end and hoping for things that are out of my control to work out. Of course I’m prepared as much as one can be for more curves to be thrown in my path. I’m used to curves. I just hope this winding road leads to a real live baby in my arms.
On a slightly different note, I wanted to answer a couple questions I’ve been asked. I’m 18w5d today. I’m not always great about remembering to post how far along I am. If I continue to neglect to update that info and anyone is ever interested in knowing, you can find out by scrolling down past my links in the sidebar. I didn’t want an in your face type ticker, that is so not me, but I put that script in there after I realized that I’m not so great at updating how far along I am in my posts.
Also, no belly shots have been taken. This is the only belly shot that will be posted on this blog.
One more thing before I take the weekend off. (We’re having my family in for Labor Day weekend, our first time to play hosts in the new house). I thought it was kind of funny when the nurse at the high risk OB’s office asked me if I had had an ultrasound done earlier in the pregnancy. I replied that I had already had seven done, and she was like, “Seven???” As soon as the magic letters I-V-F were uttered she understood. I guess even at a peri’s office I’m a bit of a freak.
Thank you guys for all of your supportive comments the past couple of days. They mean so much.
Because There Is No Such Thing As Smooth Sailing August 30, 2006
Given all that we’ve been through on the IVF front, I had no expectations of a perfectly easy and uneventful pregnancy. Things have been going well, and I’m so thankful for that, but the easy road is not where I reside.
We got mixed news at today’s Level II. Let’s start with the good, because there was good news. The little guy was measuring great, a little ahead even. His little femurs and ulnas and all of that good stuff looked just fine. It was definitely good to see him again.
However, the high risk OB found an echogenic focus in the left ventricle of his heart. This is something that has no effect on how the heart is functioning, but it is a marker that increases our risk of Down’s Syndrome by about three times what it was. So instead of the 1:2094 we got after the ultrascreen, we’re now at about 1:700.
We discussed the option of an amnio, but the risk of complications is still higher than those new odds. The peri told us that the echogenic focus is found in 3-5% of normal pregnancies, so there’s still a good chance that everything’s ok. Of course that doesn’t stop me from worrying. I am the queen of worrying, ya know.
Also, we learned that I’ve got a low lying placenta. Instead of being up where it’s supposed to be, it’s about 1 cm from my cervix. There’s a good chance that it will move up in time, but it’s definitely something to keep an eye on. The peri told me to refrain from exercise and sex and basically take it easy. I go back and see him in six weeks.
He also checked my cervix which is an area of my concern because of all of the manipulations I’ve had with my transfers, and it looked long and closed. He did think it was a good idea to have it checked again in two weeks, though.
I saw my OB this afternoon, and we discussed all of the above. I go back and see her in two weeks as recommended by the peri.
Today was a long day. After my OB appointment Dan and I stopped by the grocery store, and I ended up in tears in the salad dressing aisle. I know that things could be much, much worse. Neither the peri nor my OB seemed overly worried about all of the things going on. It’s not happening to them, though. They didn’t go through hell to get to this place.
I have to hold onto the fact that even with the findings from today that chances are still good that everything is and will continue to be ok. Thoughts about how we always seem to end up on the crappy side of the odds still trickle in, though. I can’t help but worry.
I guess there’s not much to be done but wait and hope. I hope that little bugger in there is/will be ok. I can’t stand the thought of anything else.
Well, I Won’t Be Trying That Again August 29, 2006
I decided this weekend that my stomach could use a break from the Lovenox injections. Why not use my thigh like I have for other subq injections in the past? It seemed like a fine idea to me.
I woke up the next morning and gasped at the sight of what one lone Lovenox injection had done to my thigh. I think I’ll stick to my stomach from now on. At least it produces reasonable sized bruises.
I Love Me Some Internets August 20, 2006
Yesterday we finally got our own internet connection up and running. Thank goodness. I was starting to go a little crazy. So was Dan. It’s still surreal to be living in this house, but each day it feels a little more like it’s actually ours.
One thing about moving from a tiny apartment, one whose furniture was purchased during college, law school, and the days of massive IVF spending, to a nice new house is that we’re going to need to do some serious furniture shopping. We went and scoped things out on Friday and found some things we liked.
We’re going to have to wait just a bit before we can start making major purchases, though. Making our down payment and paying closing costs pretty much put our bank accounts into shock, but thankfully Dan will be receiving a nice clerkship bonus when he starts back at the firm. Then it will be time to do some serious damage.
There’s not a ton to report on the pregnancy front. I hit 17 weeks today, and I’m still a big scaredy cat. I’m just so worried that my body is going to fail the little guy in there. My MTHFR stuff puts me at a higher risk of preeclampsia, and having my cervix manually dilated so many times in the past may put me at an increased risk of incompetent cervix. I can’t help but worry about that stuff.
I am so very grateful to have gotten so far, but I just cannot sit back and relax as some people have suggested I do. I can’t buy baby stuff. I can’t decide on a name. I just can’t assume that everything is going to work out. I can hope, though, and that’s what I’m doing every second.
One Last Night August 13, 2006
Tonight is our last night in the apartment. The movers are coming tomorrow morning, and we’ll be making the trip over to Houston in the afternoon/evening. I wish I could say that we’re 100% packed up and everything, but um, not so much. We’re making a ton of progress and will be by the end of the day, though.
I can’t believe we’re moving tomorrow. And I really can’t believe we’re moving into that house. It still hasn’t suck in that that’s our house.
I am excited, though. Dan and I have been living in apartments for over 10 years. It’s going to be strange to finally have a house, but I know it’s going to be a wonderful kind of strange.
In non-moving news, I got the results of my AFP test back. I really wasn’t patient enough to wait for someone to call me so I called my OB’s office Friday morning. It had been a week since I had the test done, so I figured that the results should be back. I left my message and waited.
Well, I got tired of waiting and was afraid that I wasn’t going to get a call back and thus would have to wait the weekend, so I called the lab where I had the test done. They gave me the results right away, and they were good. My risk of neural tube defects is 1:6682.
So, I guess the next time I post I’ll officially be a Texan again. Hopefully we’ll get our internet hooked up without problems, but who knows. I guess I can always “borrow” a neighbor’s wireless if need be. Gotta have our priorities, ya know.
Packing Up the Past August 10, 2006
It’s natural to try to purge your stuff as you go along in the packing process when preparing to move. It just makes sense. However, it’s been hard for me to even think about getting rid of some stuff.
I was packing up things in the bathroom today, and I came across my stash of leftover birth control pills from my various cycles. I know I won’t be needing them again. I mean, I sure as hell won’t ever need them for their intended purpose, and it’s not like I’m going to be cycling again anytime soon regardless of the outcome of the current situation. But, man oh man was it hard to throw those suckers out.
Yesterday while packing up other stuff, I packed up my meds paraphernalia without a second thought. I have a whole box full of it. Do I need 1.5″ needles right now? Um, no. They got packed regardless. I’ll also be carting many filled sharps containers across state lines. I guess I should see about doing something with those at some point.
The hardest so far has involved my pregnancy tests, these to be more precise. Yes, I’ve held onto the positive HPTs of the pregnancy that ended in miscarriage. I thought for a minute about throwing them out, but I burst into tears when I did so. I’m just not ready to say goodbye to that embryo/potential baby/whatever you want to call it.
There’s just way too much of my history tied up in syringes, meds, and pee sticks. It’s kind of crazy that they’re so much a part of me, but they are.
Oh, and I didn’t throw out my tampons, etc either. Hell, I still have a couple stashed in my purse. I know, I’m insane.
Jam Packed Weekend August 7, 2006
I barely know where to start with all of the happenings this past weekend. We got a lot accomplished.
We drove over to Houston early Friday morning in time for my OB appointment. That went well, and my OB didn’t even bat an eyelash when I asked for an ultrasound. She really took a lot of time showing us everything which I appreciated. I can use all the reassurance I can get. I hit the 15 week mark yesterday, and things look like they’re on track so far.
Then I headed over to a different office for my AFP appointment which was totally weird for me. I’m so used to having blood drawn out of my arm that it took me by surprise when the nurse just wanted a finger prick. Hopefully I’ll get those results back by the end of the week.
Friday afternoon we had our blinds installed, and our refrigerator and washer & dryer were installed Friday night. It’s nice to see the house coming along a bit.
Dan’s family was in town for a visit, so we got to spend a good amount of time with them which was nice. Sunday afternoon before heading back I went to the baby shower of a really good IVF friend who is now adopting domestically. I hadn’t been to a baby shower in years, but I was glad I could make hers.
To my complete and total surprise we actually had mail in our mailbox when we returned home to the apartment last night. I was so relieved not to have to march over to the post office today and straighten that out. In other mail news, we got our house mail keys this weekend, too. It was definitely a good weekend on the mail front.
The movers are coming a week from today, so now I’m just trying to get crap done. And boy is there a still a lot left to do.
Warning: My Attempt at P-Word Talk August 1, 2006
I know some people would like me to post more pregnancy (there, I said it) details on my blog, and I’m sure some could do without. It’s just still weird for me to talk about. I think things are starting to sink in a bit more these days, but I’m still far from a “normal” pregnant gal.
I don’t really know how to sit down and just talk about it, so I’m going to answer Jamie’s questions.
1. Have you gained weight? A little, 3 pounds to be exact.
2. Have you felt the baby flutter yet? Nope, but I check things out with the doppler at least once a day to make sure things are still alive in there.
3. Who have you told? My immediate family and Dan’s immediate family have both known about all of this stuff all along. They’ve know about each and every one of our cycles along with the outcomes. They’ve been under strict instruction not to spill the beans until instructed, though. After I crossed over into the second trimester and got my nuchal translucency results back, I let them know that it was ok to tell people but only those who would be supportive if things didn’t continue to go well.
4. Have you told anyone who doesn’t know about your infertility? Well, my mom told my grandparents just a couple of days ago. (She would have told them long ago if it was up to her, I think.) They knew nothing about our infertility history. I asked my mom if she told them about the IVF stuff, and she said that she printed out the picture of our embryos along with all of my ultrasound pictures and showed them and tried to explain the whole thing. She thinks they got it. My grandma’s response was, “I wondered why they were waiting so long.” They are, of course, happy for us, too.
5. How are the reactions different between those who know and those who don’t? I don’t have a ton of experience with this yet, but I’m sure they will be different. The people who know about our IVF stuff really know about it. Our immediate families know everything we’ve been through, and although they’ll never know what it’s like to go through it, they get how it makes things different for us. I’m sure people who don’t know about our background won’t get that. I have zero problems talking about the IVF stuff, though, so I’m sure a lot of people who didn’t know about it will after they find out about the current situation.
Wow, I think that’s the most I’ve posted about the specifics in one post. It’s just still weird for me to talk about. I have managed to utter the p-word a couple of times, but the m-word, as in the section of the clothing store that intimidates me beyond belief, and the b-word, as in that thing that I can only hope to have in my arms at the end of this, have yet to cross my lips. I just can’t get them out.
I have to say, though, that even though I’m still extremely scared, I am very happy. I woke up this morning, rolled over towards Dan, and told him that I was so glad that we kept going. I know it was hard, and I know that there’s still a chance that this won’t work out, but right now I’m just so damn glad that we kept at it.
Home Sweet Home (now with test result update) July 28, 2006
We are now officially homeowners. Yesterday Dan and I kept asking each other what the hell we were doing. Buying this house has been a pretty surreal experience.
Closing went smoothly and was easier than I expected. We got the keys to the house shortly thereafter and got to hang out in it for a bit in order to figure out a few things. We even managed to fit in a trip to the store to order our appliances, a new fridge and washer/dryer, yesterday afternoon before hitting the road to head back to Lafayette.
Dan’s got to finish up his job here so we won’t be moving for a couple of weeks, but we’ll be making the trip back over to Houston next weekend so we’ll get to visit our new home again then.
Unfortunately I still do not have my ultra-screen test results yet, and it’s driving me batty. Each day that passes without those results makes me worry even more. I really, really hope they come back today because the thought of having to wait another weekend is something I don’t want to think about right now.
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I was supposed to get my test results through a medical voicemail system. I finally had enough of dialing the darn system over and over again and called the lab. It looks like I’ve been worrying for an extra week. My results were actually back on the 20th. AAAHHH!
What happened was that the voicemail system tells you to input your home telephone number. Well, when they inputted mine into the system they put a 1 before my area code since it was an out of state number. No one ever told me to put an extra 1 in there when I was to call for the results. It’s just insane to me that I had to wait an extra week over a 1.
So, onto the results. Before the screening, my odds for Down’s were 1:713. After the screening, they went to 1:2094. Before the screening my odds for Trisomy 13 and 18 were 1:1299. After the screening they’re 1:>10,000. So, definitely good news.
My early sex determination b/w result was back, too, and it looks like the u/s tech was right with her guess. According to the DNA test, there’s a >96% chance that it’s a boy.
It is such a relief to finally have these results. I think it might even be starting to feel a little bit real now.
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