Decisions, Decisions April 21, 2005
My husband and I discussed our big dilemma last night. We both came to the same conclusion. We’re going ahead with the FET.
There are a few reasons for this but they all boil down to the fact that there just isn’t enough evidence out there to prove that this beta 3 integrin test is the end all be all with regards to the functionality of the uterine lining. It’s an experimental and controversial test with a wide array of opinions as to its applicability.
The studies are all over the map on this subject. There are studies that show that the beta 3 integrin isn’t consistent among cycles even within the same person. So it could show up on a biopsy one cycle and not the next. There are also studies that show that just because the integrin isn’t present in the mid luteal phase doesn’t mean it won’t be present in the late luteal phase. Some studies show that it doesn’t even matter if it’s present at all. And then there are studies that show that the lack of the integrin reduces the chance of pregnancy. There are just so many different views about the ramifications of this test. Plus, it doesn’t seem like there’s been a proven cause-and-effect relationship between the presence or absence of this type of marker and its effect on fertility.
There’s also my personal situation to consider. This biopsy was done in an abnormal cycle. My body was so screwed up from cycling back to back for 7 months that it decided to bless me with a fucked up 44 day cycle. And there’s the fact that we’ve had implantation. Sure, it didn’t last very long but an embryo did implant.
I saw someone with a similar background post a question on one of the “ask the RE” type message boards about this test. Like me, she had experienced both failed cycles and a cycle that ended in a chemical. She had the beta 3 integrin test done and it came back with the same result as mine: out of phase with the integrin absent.
The doctor replied that the beta 3 integrin is only one of many molecules that are involved in the attachment of the embryo to the endometrium, and that in something as important as embryo implantation, there is significant redundancy built into the system. If one type of cell adhesion molecule is absent then other molecules can take over that function. He went on to say that he didn’t think that the absence of beta 3 integrin should prevent her from trying to conceive, particularly in view of her recent chemical pregnancy which clearly demonstrated the presence of cell adhesion molecules that allowed implantation to occur.
Given all of that, we didn’t feel like repeating the test at this juncture would be the best course of action. Last night we decided that unless my RE had some compelling reason for us to repeat the test that we would go ahead and do the FET.
My IVF coordinator was supposed to either have my RE call me today or at the very minimum speak to her and relay her opinion on the matter to me. I waited and waited for the phone to ring, but it never did. I finally called my RE’s office at 3:00 and apparently my IVF coordinator had discussed it with my RE but she had to leave early to pick up her sick kid from school so she must have forgotten to call me. Thanks a lot. So the receptionist played relay between my RE and myself over the phone. Lovely.
My RE recommended that I redo the test. When I asked why I was told that it was because the test was inconclusive. Um, yeah. I kinda got that part already. You got anything else, because in and of itself that’s not a very convincing answer. I was told that we had three choices and that it was ultimately up to us. We could:
1. Do another endometrial biopsy to have the test redone.
2. Go ahead with the FET knowing that we could lose embryos.
3. Do the 3 month course of Lupron treatment before cycling again.
Let me just go through those options for a sec. 1) Yes, this may give us more answers but we may waste another cycle and another $1,000 to find out the exact same thing: nothing. Even if it showed something different, how would we know what would happen the third time? And how do we even know if the findings really mean anything at all? 2) Um, we have a good chance of losing embryos anyway. Thank you very much. Don’t you always have a chance of losing embryos? I sure do. We’ve “lost” our fair share already. 3) So, you want to put me on a treatment that we don’t know I need, nor do we know the effectiveness of, nor do we know if the “condition” even warrants treatment? A treatment that knowing my body could very likely end up ruining the next cycle anyway? No thanks.
Another reason I’m ready to go ahead with this FET is that I’m ready to get the hell out of my RE’s office. That’s not a good enough reason in and of itself, but I’m so done there. I’m not getting what I need, and I need to move on. The RE that I want to get a second opinion from doesn’t accept frozen embryos from outside labs, so I need to transfer them where I am. After that we’ll be free to go elsewhere.
So, my ultrasound and bloodwork appointment is tomorrow morning. Holy crap. I might actually be cycling again.
I Could Really Do Without the Drama April 20, 2005
I called my RE’s office first thing this morning to check on the biopsy result situation. Apparently there was some big brouhaha over my beta 3 integrin results thus the lack of notification.
My results came back negative for the beta 3 integrin. Not a good thing. The report appeared incomplete, however, because of a comment stating “unable to interpret without histological date.” My RE’s office had been trying to get clarification on that from the lab that does the test. They were told that the only person who could help them with that was on vacation until next week.
So, this is what I learned this morning. Needless to say, I was not a happy camper. I was told I would get a call back when they figured everything out, and I set off to scour the internet on the beta 3 subject. It’s not like I hadn’t done any research before the test, but that’s the only thing I could do while waiting for more information. Lack of information drives me insane.
When I hadn’t heard back by early afternoon, I called my RE’s office again. They were finally able to speak to someone at the lab who could explain my results. Before I go into it, there are three possible results for the integrin test:
1. Lining in phase, integrin present
2. Lining in phase, integrin absent
3. Lining out of phase, integrin absent
Option 1 is what you want. I didn’t get that. Option 2 means that your lining has developed how it should, but there’s still no integrin present. That’s the worst case scenario and when you get to break out the 3 month Lupron treatment. Option 3 was me.
Here’s the deal. When the lining is out of sync for whatever reason, there is a very, very good chance that the integrin won’t be present. It’s missing because the lining is out of phase not because of some inherent problem. Thus, there is no result 4 where the lining is out of phase with the integrin present.
Apparently the stroma of my endometrium were maturing way faster than the glandular tissue was, 4 days faster to be exact, resulting in a dyssynchronous endometrium. This, of course, is the most inconclusive result possible. Nothing can be black and white for me apparently.
I did not like hearing this information, but it honestly doesn’t surprise me. This biopsy was done during my first natural cycle since July. It was also done during a 44 day cycle following a chemical pregnancy. Yeah, no wonder my lining was fucked up.
The dyssynchronous lining thing doesn’t bother me so much. The endometrial lining does different things during a medicated vs. natural cycle, so simply doing a medicated cycle could cause everything to sync up. Plus, just because your lining does something one cycle does not mean it will do it the next. The thing that concerns me is that we don’t know if the integrin would be present once my lining gets itself in gear and is in phase. There’s no way to know that without retesting, and even then there’s no guarantee of finding out.
So, now we have to decide what the fuck to do with this information. The way I see it, we basically have two options: do another biopsy to repeat the test or forge ahead with our FET cycle. We haven’t decided yet, but I think I’m leaning in one direction.
I talked to my IVF coordinator about our options, and she said she didn’t feel comfortable giving me advice in this situation. I should hear my RE’s opinion on the matter tomorrow, but quite honestly I doubt her opinion will weigh too heavily in our decision. Not that I don’t want to hear what she has to say on the subject, but it’s quite easy to get someone to say what you want to hear when you know what you’re doing. Plus, she’s really good at being ambiguous. I don’t expect her to have a definitive say on the matter.
I’ve done the research, and I know what I’m dealing with. This is a controversial test with a wide array of opinions as to its applicability. I just don’t know how much weight to give this result. There just hasn’t been enough research done to know how important this whole beta 3 thing is. It’s really hard to make a decision based on scanty information.
This is a tough one. On one hand, I don’t want to waste our embryos on a less than ideal cycle. On the other, I don’t want to waste time and money on something that may not give us any more information or may not even be meaningful to the situation. That’s the problem with dealing with these newfangled tests. Man, I kind of wish we hadn’t done it in the first place.
My other endo biopsy which tests for infection came back fine, so at least there’s some good news. So, it looks like I’ll either be repeating the biopsy this cycle or we’ll be transferring our frozen embryos (assuming they survive the thaw) next week. Anyone want to weigh in?
What a Happy Blogiversary April 19, 2005
I’m pissed. I have been waiting on pins and needles for these damn endometrial biopsy results so I’ll know whether or not this FET is going to happen. Yesterday marked the two week mark, so I really should have heard something.
I finally got antsy enough to call my RE’s office today. I talked to my IVF coordinator this afternoon and was told that neither of the biopsy results were back. She said she would double check with the nurse who handles the incoming lab results and call me if she found out anything. She said that if I didn’t hear back from her to assume that they hadn’t gotten the results.
Well, the phone never rang, so I decided to take things in my own hands and call the lab that does the beta 3 integrin test. I have no idea where the other biopsy sample was sent or I would have been on the phone with them, too. I was told by someone at the lab that my results had been faxed to my RE’s office on Friday. I was also told by the person at the lab that she had actually spoken to two people in my RE’s office today. UGH! I asked if I could get my results over the phone, but that wasn’t happening.
So, now I have to wait until tomorrow to call back my RE’s office to find out the results. Don’t they know how insane I’m going over all of this? This is my information, and I have a right to have it.
After I thought about it a bit, it seemed odd to me that the person at the lab would not only fax the report but also call my RE’s office a few days later. Why would they call? Just to make sure they had received the fax or because my result was abnormal? Plus, why would my IVF coordinator not call me back once she actually got the results? Was it because she was waiting to speak to my RE about them? Shit. I am so freaking paranoid.
At least I know that the result is in. Whether or not I can get my hands on it is another story. So, now I have to keep my fingers crossed that I won’t get bad news tomorrow and also hope that the other biopsy result comes back within the next couple of days.
But please, oh please let that beta 3 biopsy result be normal. Do you know what the treatment for the lack of the beta 3 integrin is? Three whole months of Depo Lupron treatment. Considering my history with Lupron, I don’t think I’d survive 3 months.
Ok, I’m just going to go chill out now. I will know in the morning. Hopefully.
Test Result Day April 13, 2005
I can’t believe it. I actually got some test results today. My husband’s karyotype came back normal. Yay! One less thing to worry about. Too bad it only took a month to find that out. At least I can stop obsessing over the what ifs now.
I also got Dixie’s thyroid test results today. Her T4 level had dropped from 8.8 pre radioactive iodine treatment to 0.4 which is on the very low end of normal. The normal T4 range is 0.4-5.2. So, the treatment definitely worked. There is, however, a possibility that it worked too well. If her T4 level drops any more she’ll be hypothyroid and have to be treated accordingly. There’s a possibility that some of the cells in her thyroid could still regenerate and bring that level up a bit, or at least keep it from decreasing more. We don’t have to do anything about it now other than keeping on eye on her to make sure she continues to do well. We have to bring her back to the vet in a couple of months to have her levels retested. We’ll definitely be keeping our fingers crossed that further treatment won’t be necessary.
It feels good to get results. Progress is good. So, now we’re just waiting on the two different endometrial biopsy results. The clock is definitely ticking on those results, so hopefully they’ll come back soon. Until then, I’m just going revel in the fact that we got some good news today.
Let’s Play the ‘Freak Out the Obsessive Worrier’ Game April 8, 2005
You know, cause it’s so much fun. I just called my OB/GYN’s office to see if my husband’s karyotyping results were back yet. No, they were not, I was told, but apparently they had received notification that the results were in the mail. While this news wouldn’t seem like it would qualify for the FOTOW Game, here’s the thing. My OB/GYN’s office was notified that my results were normal and that the paper results would be mailed subsequently. For my husband, however, they were just told that the results were on the way. Why did they not include the normal part?
Once again, I know that the likelihood of there actually being a problem is low, but knowing my odds that’s not very comforting. Why does shit like this always happen? So, now I have to wait until the middle of next week to call back and see what the hell’s going on.
On a different, less freaking the fuck out note, I brought Dixie to the vet this morning to have her thyroid levels retested so we can make sure the radioactive iodine treatment did the trick. We won’t find out the results until Monday, but we did get some fantastic news while there. Since her treatment less than 4 weeks ago, my old lady kitty has gained 2 whole pounds. That is beyond excellent news. She’s up to 9.1 lbs right now and doing pretty well. I think my vet was surprised to see her looking so good.
I will attempt to focus on other things including that great news as opposed to letting the unknown drive me insane. I think a diversion might be in order. Some retail therapy might just fit the bill. I think the Galleria is calling my name…
That’s Me April 6, 2005
Ok, that’s not my actual karyotype, but that’s about what it would look like. I got my results back today- normal, 46XX. However, my husband’s weren’t back yet. Hmm, that’s a tad odd since we had our blood drawn at the same time. I was told to call back on Friday, so hopefully his results will be back by then. Until then I will not read anything into the fact that his test is taking longer to process. I will not do such things as researching PGD clinics, reading posts on PGD boards, etc. Nope. Just gonna wait.
I’ll admit it. I already did those things, but a girl’s got to have something to obsess over. More than likely my husband’s test will come back normal, too. Until then I’ll just consider my on the sly research project a fun way to expand my knowledge base. Hell, I was a genetics major for one whole semester. I’ve always been interested in this stuff. I just hated organic chemistry.
Happy Day April 4, 2005
Happy days are few and far between, so I’m attempting to savor this one. I survived my big morning of testing. I arrived at my RE’s office, handed over my credit card, and was called to the back. I had to sign some consent form that I didn’t read, because really, would I not have gone through with it because of anything that form could have said? Then I was told to go pee in a cup. I knew what that was for. I literally said, “You’ve got to be kidding me.” Hello, my husband has no sperm. I have a 0% chance of being pregnant. Even if it was possible, a urine pregnancy test at 8 days past ovulation can’t be too accurate. What a waste of pee.
Anyway, I got gowned up and talked to my RE about everything while the anesthesiologist was sticking me with the IV. I went into the procedure room and don’t remember another thing, just the way I like it. Apparently, my RE was able to get the big endo biopsy catheter up through my bitch of a cervix, but it wasn’t easy. Not that anyone expected it to be. She dilated my cervix, messed with the catheter, and finally got it to make its way up to where it was supposed to be. After the biopsy samples were taken the sonohystogram was done. Everything looked good. No fibroids, polyps, etc.
I spoke to my RE about FET protocols. I really don’t want to do the whole BCP/Lupron/Estrace/PIO thing again. Not only does that take freaking forever, but my lining did not do so well last time on that protocol. Plus, there’s the fact that it didn’t work. I really don’t think it’s the best idea to do the exact same thing twice if it didn’t work the first time. So, I told my RE that I wanted to do a Estrace/PIO only protocol. She gave me the “We don’t usually do that protocol, and it may not work” speech, but she’s going to let me do it. I’ve come to learn that my RE is a cookie cutter protocol type gal which is fine if you’re a cookie cutter type patient. I, however, am not. I think it’s about time to start thinking outside the box at least a tad.
So, here’s the plan. Oh, how I love a plan. I’ll be starting Estrace on cycle day 1 which should be soon. Then I’ll cross my fingers that I don’t get canceled. That could happen for any of the three following reasons:
1. I ovulate on Estrace. This only happens about 5% of the time, but we all know my luck.
2. The endo biopsy results aren’t back by CD15, the day I’ll most likely be starting PIO to prepare for transfer.
3. The biopsy results come back but one or both are abnormal, and as a result I have to have further treatment before cycling again.
I see no reason not to go ahead with the prep for the FET cycle, though. If I get canceled for any reason I can just stop the Estrace and either wait for the next cycle or go forward with any treatment with regards to the endo biopsy results. At least this way I’ll be doing something. That always makes me feel better. Who knows, I may get lucky and actually get to transfer at the end of the month. Oh, I crack myself up. I’ll either get canceled or none of the embryos will survive the thaw. That’s more my style.
Anyway, it’s been a good day considering the fact that I had crap shoved up my hoo ha. Just the thought of being able to cycle again has temporarily removed the usual scowl from my face. And knowing that WE’RE FINALLY DONE WITH ALL OF THIS TESTING is enough to make me want to do a little dance. Oh, happy day.
Anticipatory Ramblings April 3, 2005
I’m getting a tad nervous about tomorrow. Not because I’m worried about the procedures or the anesthesia or the IV or anything like that. I think it’s because I’ll be going through the exact same rigamarole as I always have for my retrievals and transfers. Don the same gown, lie in the same bed, get the same IV, move into the same procedure room, get into the same stirrups. None of that holds good memories for me.
I want to be done with all of that. I don’t want to set foot in that room again. I don’t want to wear that damn gown and booties and stupid hat again. I want to be done. I want to be one of the lucky ones who can think about other things besides cycling and testing with no end in sight. I want to be one of the lucky ones who actually gets knocked up from this crap.
I’m so far from done, though. I know that. After the testing comes the FET, and that’s assuming that I don’t have to do anything else as a result of the sonohystogram or endo biopsy results. After the FET will undoubtedly come something else, probably another fresh cycle. The end is nowhere in sight.
The thing is, though, that as much as I want to be done, and as much as I never want to set foot in my RE’s office again, there’s no way I can call it quits. Not right now. I’m not ready to walk away without a child. Obviously there are other paths we could choose to pursue, but we’re not ready to change direction. Not yet.
It’s hard to keeping going, but it’s harder to stop. As much as I hate this shit, I’m not ready to walk away from it all. Do I think it could ever work for us? I’m not sure. A lot of times I don’t think it will. I’m holding on to the teeny tiny chance that it could, though. How else could I keep going?
I’m hoping to get a hint as to our next steps tomorrow. We will be doing a FET with our slow poke embryos at some point. Hopefully ASAP. I’ll be talking to my RE about protocols and when we can get started again. I know it takes some time to get back the endo biopsy results, so that may throw a kink into things. Getting bad results will undoubtedly throw an even bigger kink into things. I’m ready to get things going again, though. So ready.
Good News/Bad News/Good News April 2, 2005
Of course I can never get good news without some bad thrown in the mix, but at least the bad news is in a good news sandwich. I really wanted to blog about this yesterday, but I’ve been unable to get my internet fix because my inlaws are in town. We’ve been doing things with them all weekend.
Anyway, we finally got the SCSA results back. The DFI (DNA fragmentation index) result was 19.9%. This is better than we expected. The SCSA people break the results down into three categories:
Excellent fertility potential ~ 15% DFI
Good to fair fertility potential ~ 15-30.0% DFI
Poorer fertility potential ~ 30% DFI
So, we’re in the good to fair category, and it seems closer to good than fair. I’ll definitely take it. The problems associated with DNA fragmentation come into play when the DFI is greater than 30%, so it seems that we’re out of the woods with regards to all of that.
Like I said, with the good always comes bad. Yesterday evening when I went to check our messages I discovered that my RE’s office had called. Remember how elated I was when I discovered that our insurance was going to cover the anesthesia costs? Um, not so much. Apparently our insurance company called back my RE’s office to let them know that it would not be covered after all. I was told to bring an extra $500 with me on Monday morning.
My inlaws were in the apartment when I found out the bad news, and today my mother in law handed me a check for $500. See, more good news. That was so generous of them.
So, now I’m going to go crash. I am soooo tired. We had a great weekend with my husband’s family, but I’m plum tuckered out.
Trying My Patience April 1, 2005
Can someone please track down our SCSA results for us? Can someone find that magic envelope that holds the key to our fate in the ART world? I’ve about had enough waiting for the results of this test. It’s been three weeks since my husband signed the form to authorize the test. Three freaking weeks.
The SCSA people didn’t receive the sample until 10 days after that form was signed. Who knows why my RE’s office decided to take its time with things. I was told that we should have the results by mid week of this week. Um, not so much. I called the SCSA people back and was told that the report was mailed to my RE’s office over a week ago. Where the heck is it? They wouldn’t release the results over the phone, because apparently I don’t have enough authority on the matter being the wife and all. They’ll only release the info to my husband or my RE’s office.
I called my RE’s office a little while ago to check on the matter once again and was told that my IVF coordinator had just gotten back into the office from vacation and that she would call me back. Of course I’m still waiting, but I am beyond glad that my coordinator is back in the picture. Things were definitely rocky without her in the office.
So, I sit and wait willing the phone to ring. Ring damn it. Pretty please.
Finally, Finally, Finally March 30, 2005
I feel like I’ve been waiting forever to schedule my sonohystogram and endometrial biopsies. Since my body finally decided to cooperate and grace me with an LH surge, I was able to schedule the tests for Monday morning. I cannot wait to finally have all of this testing over and done with.
I got good news when I called to schedule my appointment. Our insurance has approved not only the procedures but the anesthesia, too. I couldn’t believe it. I can’t do the tests without the anesthesia. The endo biopsy catheter is bigger than the kind of catheters they use for embryo transfers, and we all know how well I fare with those. I have to be knocked out, and even then who knows if my RE will be able to get the catheter up through my wonky cervix. Anyway, I fully expected us to have to fork out another $500 for the anesthesia, but it looks like we won’t have to. So, all we’ll have to pay for my big fun day of testing will be $425 for the beta 3 integrin testing. I’ll take it.
We’re still waiting on our karyotyping results and SCSA results. They should be coming back soon, should being the key word. I can’t wait to have all of these results back so we can figure out the next step. I really want to be able to do our FET by May, but who knows. I guess we’ll just have to see how everything plays out.
Peaks and Valleys March 27, 2005
It’s not uncommon for my emotions to be all over the map, and yesterday was no exception. I finally, on cycle day 30, got a positive OPK. Um, yeah, that’s a tad on the late side, but I guess it was to be expected since I hadn’t actually let my body have a natural cycle since July. I’m kind of surprised it remembered what to do at all. Anyway, I got sooooo excited about that positive OPK. That’s understandable since that means I don’t have to wait another whole month to do my sonohystogram and endo biopsies. I’m so not good at waiting.
Last night it hit me, though. I was sitting there getting pumped up over a +OPK, a positive OPK whose only purpose was to schedule testing no less, while there are other people out there getting excited over real things. You know, like getting pregnant. How sad is it that the only thing I have to get excited about is the prospect of more testing? Very.
Last night was not good. I was so down in the dumps. I still am, I guess. I feel like it’s never going to be my turn. I’ve paid my dues. When will it happen for me? I know there’s no crystal ball. I know that there are some of us who keep getting screwed over time and time again who may never get lucky. I know that. It’s just hard.
I’m glad when people finally make it over to the "other side." I wouldn’t wish limbo land on anyone. It’s hard for me sometimes, though. It’s hard to be left behind. It gets harder with each failure.
I’m not done fighting, though. I can be sad and determined at the same time. Hell, I think I feel that way a lot. I just wish I didn’t have to jump through so many fucking hoops. It’s so damn tiring.
Back to the Regularly Scheduled Programming March 24, 2005
Pretty much. There are still a few kinks to work out, but things are coming along. Apparently there is a problem with the feed from my site being picked up by Bloglines, but we’re working on fixing that.
Anyway, Dixie is doing pretty well. She puked up her breakfast this morning, but other than that she’s doing ok. She does have an unusual side effect from her stay in kitty jail, though. When I got the call on Monday letting me know that she was set to come home, the vet tech let me know that she had something to warn me about. Of course my worrying mind went crazy with that one. She went on to tell me that Dixie was pink. What? Apparently the burgundy colored pillow that I bought for Dixie to have in her cage dyed her fur pink. It’s not as bad as I imagined, but she’s definitely got a nice pink hue to the fur on her belly and legs. Quite an interesting affect on a calico cat. She has to go back to get her thyroid levels retested in a couple of weeks to make sure the radioactive iodine did the trick, but other than that she just gets to hang out and let the radioactivity dissipate.
On a different note, MY BODY IS PISSING ME OFF! Oh, yes. I am beyond frustrated. I’m on CD28 and still have not had a positive OPK nor any other signs of ovulation. I don’t know what’s up. I might think that maybe my body is having a reeeeally long cycle after being forced to do three IVF cycles back to back except that I’m feeling premenstrual. I honestly don’t know if I’ve had an anovulatory cycle or what.
What’s frustrating me to no end is that apparently everyone with any decision making power at my RE’s office is on vacation right now. Why do they think it’s a good idea to leave no one in charge? I really wanted to talk to my IVF coordinator or RE about what to do with regards to this whole endo biopsy scheduling situation should my period show up soon. The thought of having wasted one cycle and then having to waste another one simply because I can’t get ahold of anyone is making me sick. The nurse who’s in the office this week has not been helpful in this situation. My RE will be back in the office on Tuesday, but I don’t know what the hell I will do if my period shows before then.
I’m really losing my patience with this waiting, waiting, and more waiting crap. I wish I could just cycle again. I know it’s important to do more testing, but I feel like I’m getting nowhere fast. I really hope things work out so I can get all of the testing done soon. If not I may just explode.
Edited to add: My brilliant husband has now fixed the Bloglines problem. Apparently Bloglines wasn’t picking up either of the two feeds that were published by my blog, so my hubby created another feed and then managed to trick Bloglines into thinking it was always reading that feed. Very complicated, but it works. So, you can subscribe to any of the three feeds and it should work. According to my handy dandy stat page, Bloglines hasn’t visited my blog since the fix has been put into place, but once it decides to grace my blog with it’s presence everything should be fine. You can also subscribe to the comments feed in order to read all posted comments. Pretty cool.
Waiting, Waiting, and More Waiting March 17, 2005
I’ve never claimed to be a patient person, but this waiting is driving me crazy. Sometime it feels like that’s all we’re doing right now.
I’ve almost lost count of all of the test results we’re waiting on. Karyotyping, SCSA, my repeat infectious disease testing, pap results. I guess that’s enough. I’m also waiting on my darn body to get a move on this cycle. I’m on CD21, and still haven’t had an LH surge. It seems like ovulation is nowhere in sight. I can’t schedule my sonohystogram and endo biopsies until I get that surge. My body is rebelling, and I understand. I’ve put the darn thing through hell, but it would still be nice if it would cooperate just a little bit.
We’re also waiting to see when my sweet kitty can be released. She’s doing well, but we’re ready to have her home. Yesterday her radiation level was at 1600, and today it was at 1000. She can’t come home until it’s dropped to 500. We’ve been given a 50/50 chance of having her home by this weekend.
I’m trying my best to go with the flow, but it’s hard when I can’t really do anything about all of this. I feel much better when I’m actively involved in whatever is going on. This too shall pass I guess. It better.
One More Crossed Off the List March 14, 2005
I tell ya, I’m beginning to feel like a lab rat. We can cross one more test off of the list, though, because my husband and I went and got our blood drawn this morning for our karyotype tests. Next up- the ever so fun pap and “well woman exam.” What a name. I doubt I qualify as a “well woman.” Anyway, I’ll get that over with on Wednesday, and while I’m there I’ll get my OB/GYN to run my viral blood tests again. You know, the ones to make sure I haven’t caught an infectious disease in the past 6 months. My RE requires them to be updated that often, so I guess I better get them done if I ever want to cycle again.
In other testing news, my RE’s office faxed a form over to my husband at work on Friday so that he could officially release the sperm for the SCSA testing. The thing had to be notarized and everything. Luckily my husband’s secretary is a notary, as are most of the secretaries in the firm, so that wasn’t a problem. I asked him if it was weird having his secretary notarize a sperm form, but he said that it was all written in code. You know, MESA, SCSA, etc.
I still haven’t been able to schedule my sonohystogram and endo biopsies, because my body is being a slow poke this cycle. I’m on cycle day 18 and still no darn LH surge. I had to go out and buy a second box of those stupid OPK’s this weekend. Ugh. I hate having to pee on those stupid things every day. I wish my body would just hurry up and cooperate.
I can’t wait to have all of this testing done. I do feel like we’re making some progress, though. I guess sometimes you have to go backwards before you can go forwards again.
Progress March 10, 2005
I tried posting earlier today, but Blogger was being a total bitch. Anyway, we’re making some headway, and it feels damn good. The waiting is really hard for me. Being forced to take a break is really, really hard for me. It does help to make a little progress every now and then, though.
I’ve been waiting not so patiently for a week and a half on some insurance stuff. Today I found out that my new referral to my RE had finally been processed, so hopefully we’ll be able to get my upcoming sonohystogram and endometrial biopsy covered. I also found out that the karyotyping for both my husband and myself had been approved, so the lab paperwork for that is on its way to us. Today also brought news that we definitely have enough sperm to do the SCSA test. It was confirmed with the SCSA people, so things are in the works to have the sperm shipped off for testing.
I’m definitely breathing a little easier now that things are moving with all of this testing stuff. I cannot wait to get it all over with, though. I’m ready to get this show back on the road.
I’ve Never Felt So Freakin’ Normal March 7, 2005
I don’t typically describe myself as normal. That’s just not me. It seems my blood is, though. Most of my blood test results have come back, and they all look fine. Thyroid tests- normal, immune/antibodies tests- normal, blood clotting tests- normal, glucose tests- normal. That’s a whole lot of normal.
Oh, and my beta had fallen all the way back down. No surprise there. Especially given the fact that I’m now on day 11 of my post chemical period. Oh, yes. Day freakin’ 11.
It’s good to know that nothing funky is going on with any of my bloodwork, but it’s frustrating to not get any closer to having answers. I just want something to fix, ya know.
Oh, I needed a laugh today. My spell checker thinks I should replace “freakin” with “foreskin.” Too funny.
Edited to add my apologies to Bloglines users. I don’t know why Bloglines is deciding to show only part of my post today. It did that the other day, too. I hate that. Don’t ask me why the hell it’s doing that. I haven’t changed a single thing.
Isn’t It Ironic? March 6, 2005
The other day my husband and I were shopping, and I started loading the items from our cart onto the conveyer belt thing at the checkout. I leaned over to him and asked, “Don’t you think it’s ironic that we’re buying ovulation predictor kits and alcohol at the same time?” His reply was, “I think it’s pretty ironic that we’re buying ovulation predictor kits at all.”
Oh, yes. I am peeing on sticks again. I know. Isn’t it odd for someone whose husband has no sperm to be pulling out the ovulation predictor kits? Yeah, I think so, too. The thing is that I have to find my LH surge this cycle in order to schedule my beta 3 integrin biopsy for the right time. It has to be pretty precise in terms of timing, so I’m peeing on the damn sticks.
It brings back pretty bad memories, I must say. I’m using the same brand as the HPT’s I’ve used in the past, so they look exactly the same. I don’t like the feeling I get in my stomach when I break out one of those sticks.
I also think it’s ironic that I’m breaking out the ovulation predictor kits before my period’s completely left the scene. I mean, this is insane. I’m on cycle day 10 for pete’s sake. This sucks. Plus, I have no idea what my body will do this cycle. I haven’t had a natural cycle since July. Yep, July. I started birth control pills for my first IVF cycle on August 1st and have been cycling ever since.
I feel like a complete infertility newbie. It has been so long since I’ve used OPK’s that I forgot how to use them. I’ve got the peeing thing down, but I forgot that you weren’t supposed to use first morning urine and all that good stuff. Plus, dealing with the whole “is this line exactly as dark as the other line” thing is tons of fun. I was trying to figure out when the last time I used one of those suckers was, and I think it’s been about two years. My husband was diagnosed almost a year and a half ago, and I know we had given up on the OPK’s well before then. Here we are over three years since the start of this “project” and I feel like we’re back to square one. Combine all of the testing with the OPK’s, and I feel like we’re starting all over again. Of course, all I have to do is flash back to the past 7 months, and I know that’s not the case.
So, I guess we’ll see what my body decides to do. Sometimes it feels like this is all one giant experiment. Science is cool, but being a guinea pig sucks.
The Case of the Misread Lab Report March 5, 2005
My IVF coordinator called me back this morning. She was so worried about the whole situation that she went up to the office this morning to speak with the embryologist and lab manager. Guess what? She was just reading the lab report incorrectly. That’s right. My total freak out session yesterday was all for naught.
Background: When the sperm was frozen immediately after my husband’s surgery, it was frozen in 2 vials of about 15 million sperm each.
What I was told happened: One vial of 15 million was used for my first cycle and then discarded while the other was divided and refrozen, leaving five vials of 100,000 sperm each.
What really happened: During my first fresh cycle, they took one vial of 15 million and divided it into 6 aliquots. One aliquot was used for my first fresh cycle and another was used for my second fresh cycle leaving 4 aliquots. The other vial of 15 million was never touched. So, we do have 5 vials left, but one of those vials contains half of our sperm. The 100,000 figure for the sperm in the aliquots is just an estimate of viable sperm.
So, we have what I thought we had, and yesterday was just a huge misunderstanding. They’re going to call the SCSA people to make sure, but it looks like we can use the vial of 15 million to do the SCSA test, and still have 4 aliquots left (ie. enough to do 4 more fresh cycles).
It’s insane that I went through hell yesterday because of a misread lab report. I’m just glad everything’s ok now, and I’m glad my IVF coordinator went and got everything figured out today so I don’t have to freak out about it all weekend. Because really, I just don’t need the extra stress.
Crushed Yet Again March 4, 2005
I don’t know why this shit keeps happening to us. My husband and I decided that we wanted to do the SCSA testing on his frozen sperm. We knew that it wouldn’t give us a definitive answer, but we thought the information that we could possibly gain from the test would be valuable. If it came back with a low level of fragmentation then we could get all of the professionals off of the “it must be the sperm” bandwagon and get them to start looking harder in other directions. If it came back high then we would know that we should consider using fresh testicular sperm for possible future cycles.
I called my IVF coordinator this morning to see about arranging the test. She called me back this afternoon to tell me that we didn’t have enough sperm left to do it. She went on to tell me we only have 500,000 sperm left. What the fuck? I just don’t get that. We started out with 31 million sperm that were retrieved through MESA. 31 million. How could we only have 500,000 left? Especially since I specifically asked to have the sperm refrozen after they used it for ICSI. I know that some are lost in the freeze/thaw process, but that sure doesn’t explain everything. I don’t know what they’ve done, but they’ve fucked up.
I lost it on my IVF coordinator. I mean really lost it. She’s supposed to call me back on Monday after she’s spoken to the lab manager to find out what happened, but I honestly don’t know if I’m going back there. I don’t know what to do about my tests and about our frozen embryos.
I know that I’m just going to get the “I’m sorry, but there’s nothing we can do” speech on Monday. I know that they’re not going to try to make this up to us in any way. Hell, I even told my IVF coordinator that. I told her that I knew my RE would not try to rectify the situation. It will be just like the whole lack of mock transfer/embryo transfer from hell situation. Apparently, they can do no wrong.
I’m just devastated, because now we can’t do the test. We have no way of knowing if that sperm’s worth using. Plus, just thinking about what my husband went through to get those sperm makes me ill. He went through a major $20K surgery to get them. They’re priceless in my mind since I sure as hell am not going to ask him to go through that again. I don’t think the people at my RE’s office get that.
I really don’t need this right now. I don’t know what to do. I guess I have to wait and see what they have to say on Monday. That and get drunk.
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