My Poor Veins March 1, 2005
I had my appointment with my OB/GYN today. Can I just say that I love that woman. She said that we could test for anything I wanted, so we did. She threw in a few extra tests, too. I got the works:
APA
ANA
ACA
lupus anticoagulants
both type of antithyroid antibodies (ATA & AMA)
TSH and free T4
factor V leiden
glucose
protein C activity
protein S activity
platelet antibodies
hemoglobin
Immunoglobulin Panel (IgG, IgM, IgA)
Antithrombin III
and of course, a repeat beta
I also put in a request to see if karyotyping for my husband and myself will be covered by insurance and requested a new referral to my RE so hopefully we can get my sonohystogram and endometrial biopsy covered by insurance. Who knows if any of this will show anything, but I can’t say I didn’t try.
The blood draw experience was not great. They had to take 12 vials of blood, but my veins are so beat up that it was tough. My left arm is still too bruised to use, so the phlebotomist had to use my right. The veins in my right arm are so tiny, though, that he had to use a butterfly needle. Do you know how long it takes to fill 12 vials using a butterfly? Forever. Halfway through my vein gave out, and he had to stick another vein. Towards the end I got really lightheaded and had to lie down. I’m not even done yet. They were out of one type of vial at the lab at my OB/GYN’s office, so I have to go to another location to get one last test done. Who knows if they’ll be able to find a vein to use.
I’m feeling a little better now that I’m doing stuff. Now I’m back to waiting, though. Who knows when I’ll get those tests results back. I have to worry about something, though, so my newest obsession is worrying about whether or not our insurance will cover all of those blood tests. I’m totally fearful of getting a bill in the mail for $1,000. I know they’ll cover the basic routine stuff like TSH, T4, glucose, and beta. More than likely they’ll cover the other stuff that was printed on the lab form like ANA, ACA, hemoglobin. What I’m concerned about is all of the tests that actually had to be looked up in the book and written in on the form. Who knows if they’ll cover those. I guess we’ll find out.
I’m really not a fan of testing. I’m really not a fan of having to deal with insurance. I guess I’m not a fan of any of this crap, but I know it’s necessary. If one day we get to the end of the road without a child in our arms, I need to know that we did everything we could, that we tried everything possible. I hope that day won’t come, but we know it might. I don’t ever want to look back and wonder what if.
Dusting Off the Boxing Gloves February 24, 2005
The fight’s definitely still there. I think one way I know I’m not done with this crap is that my urge to determine the next step is still there. Maybe even stronger than ever. I need to know what comes next. It’s driving me crazy that I have to wait until Monday for my follow up appointment. I even called back today to see if I could get in this week. No such luck, though.
I know I deal with these damn IVF failures in an atypical way. Well, at least that’s the way it seems. So many of my IVF buddies keep throwing that “take a break” phrase at me. I don’t want a break, damn it. I want to keep going. I want to figure out what the hell is wrong and attempt to fix it. I know it helps a lot of people to try to get away from the IVF world (as much as is possible) after a failed cycle. That’s great if it works for them. It doesn’t work for me. I need to be doing something about it. I told my husband the other day that I missed my shots, and I do. It’s not that I miss having a big 1.5 inch needle shoved into my flesh every day. I miss the feeling of doing something about all of this crap.
Since I can’t do anything physically right now, I’ve been researching the hell out of everything I can think of. I’ve been on the internet playing RE for hours and hours the past few days. My head is swirling with stuff like immune testing, sperm dna fragmentation testing, endometrial biopsies, and the list goes on. Sure, I may be driving myself crazy with information about things that may or may not be applicable to our situation, but so what. I’m already crazy. At least I feel like I’m doing something.
Some would call me obsessive. Ok, most would. That’s ok. If this is what it takes for me to get through this shit then so be it. I tend to think I’m a tad obsessive, but I like to think it’s more determination than anything. I’m determined to get through another heartbreak. I’m determined to get answers. I’m determined to try again. I am determined to have a child. One way or another I know that my husband and I will be parents. I have no fucking clue what that way will be or when it will finally happen for us, but I’m not going to retire these boxing gloves until that day arrives.
Bloodletting July 15, 2004
I’m back from my appointment with my OBGYN. I had some oh so fun cultures taken (gotta love that speculum) and 5 vials of blood drawn. These test results will all be forwarded (hopefully) to my soon to be RE (reproductive endocrinologist) before our consult on the 28th. I’ll have to have a couple more tests done on day 3 of my cycle and a sonohystogram at some point, but hopefully that should be it for the pretesting for IVF.
Going to the OBGYN was not that fun of an experience. Besides the whole poking around business, there were tons of big bellied pregnant women in the waiting room who sole purpose, I assume, was to remind me that I was not pregnant. Then when I got in the exam room, the nurse began asking the standard questions:
“When was the first day of your last menstrual period?”
“Are you taking any medications?”
“Any previous pregnancies?” Hello! Look at my chart. I’m here for INfertility. Fun times.
Progress July 13, 2004
We’re making progress on a couple of fronts. Salvador ate a little bit of canned food last night and ate 6 bite sized pieces of ham this morning. He’s taking all of his medicine like a champ and is being the big sweetheart that we know and love. We should get his biopsy results back today, so hopefully that will bring good news.
My husband finally got his blood drawn to test for all of those lovely infectious diseases they make you test for before you can start IVF. I’m glad that was the last poking and prodding he’ll have to endure. He’s been through his fair share. Now it’s my turn. I have an appointment tomorrow morning with my OBGYN to get some cultures taken and have my blood tests ordered. I also have a dentist appointment tomorrow, so it looks like a fun day awaits.
Correction: My doctor and dentist appointments are on Thursday. That’s pretty bad when I don’t even know what day of the week it is.
Updates July 9, 2004
Let’s start with the easy one. My hubby was supposed to have the blood tests done yesterday morning that are required before we start IVF. Well, he woke up with a pretty bad bloody nose, so I suggested that getting more blood pulled out of his body probably wasn’t a good idea. When he woke up this morning he felt sick. I’m sure it’s from all of the stress from dealing with our kitty’s situation. We decided that the blood tests could wait until Monday.
It looks like our precious kitty cat will be having surgery this afternoon. I spoke to the vet this morning, and he had vomited more overnight and had blown out his catheter. They had to put in a new catheter, but he cooperated this time so they didn’t have to sedate him. The plan for the day was to give him some laxatone, which is a greasy type of medicine used to treat hairballs that might make things “slide out easier” and wait and see what happened.
I got another call from the vet about half an hour ago. They gave Salvador the laxatone twice, but he threw it up both times. They will now have to go in for exploratory surgery. They’re not 100% certain that they’re dealing with a foreign body since the barium study was inconclusive. If they get in there and do not find something causing an obstruction, they will take biopsies of his stomach and small intestine to check for infectious diseases. Someone is supposed to call me back and let me know how much all of this will cost, but the vet estimated that it will be upwards of $2,000. At this point, I really don’t care how much it costs if they make him better and he can come home.
I asked if we could visit him, and the vet said that we could come see him tomorrow morning while they’re open and that she could meet us there on Sunday if we wanted to see him then too. I miss my little guy so much. The apartment just seems empty without him. My two girl kitties are doing their very best to make me feel better. It’s amazing how cats can sense when you really need them.
So, I’m just going to sit here and send my kitty good thoughts until I hear back from the vet. I love you, Salvy.
Follow Up July 7, 2004
I’ve just returned from my husband’s follow up appointment. The doctor went back over the results of his surgery and why the reconstruction was not possible. We found out that the sperm that was retrieved during the surgery and subsequently cryopreserved, was frozen in only 2 different tubules. The doctor said they can refreeze the sperm if there is some left over after using them for IVF/ICSI. I guess they wanted to make sure that there were enough good quality, motile sperm in each tubule.
The doctor ordered the blood tests that my husband will need before we start IVF. My hubby will have those done tomorrow, and we should be able to get the results sometime early next week. I’m glad my hubby will not have to have any more tests, surgeries, etc. after tomorrow, but that makes it official that we’re moving on to IVF. No more appointments with the urologist = no more chances that we can avoid the trying world of IVF.
I came home from the appointment and cried on the bed. It’s just hard. Then I treated myself to one of these for breakfast. Not so healthy, but definitely yummy.
My kitty still isn’t doing too well. We’ve been giving him his medicine (which he detests) but haven’t seen too much improvement in him. He still won’t eat. I hope he gets better soon. It hurts my heart to see him sick.
All Clear May 20, 2004
I’m back from my HSG, and I have survived. It was pretty much as I expected. It hurt a lot but only lasted about 10 minutes. I can’t imagine how bad it would have been if I hadn’t taken the vicodin. In the end, everything looked good. There was a med student observing, and after it was finished the Dr. said to the student, “That was a textbook normal hysterosalpingogram.” My tubes are open, and there are no adhesions or anything. It was worth those few minutes of pain to know that everything is ok inside there.
Tonight I’m going with my husband to a firm social event. Every summer law students come to law firms for clerkships. That is how you ultimately get a job offer. The firm really wines and dines the summer associates. It’s really one long recruiting event. Well tonight the younger associates in my husband’s section are taking their summer associates to Smith & Wollensky for dinner. It should be nice to have a good dinner out (besides having to be all social,) but I don’t think I’ll be able to enjoy a much deserved cocktail thanks to the vicodin.
Nervous Nellie
My appointment for my HSG is this afternoon. I am extremely nervous about the thought of going through this. When I first saw the OBGYN that specializes in infertility back in March she ordered blood tests but said that the HSG would probably not be paid for by my insurance since the cause of our infertility had already been determined as male factor. She said that it would be covered if my blood tests came back abnormal. Well, my blood test came back completely normal, and yet I got a letter from my insurance company approving the HSG. I figured I’d go ahead with the test for the peace of mind. Plus not having to pay anything for a $700 test is also nice.
My husband won’t be accompanying me to my appointment. He offered several times, but I felt that he should stay at work. He would have to drive the 30 minutes it takes to get there from downtown each way plus the hour for the appointment. Since he had to leave work early on Tuesday for his Drs. appointment, I thought it would be best for him not to miss another 2 hours today. Plus, with any luck, his surgery will be scheduled soon, and he’ll have to miss another week for that. I’m just glad that there’s some leftover vicodin in the house. That should make getting through the test bearable.
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