MRI Mission Complete October 12, 2007
I haven’t been sleeping much lately, but last night I barely slept at all. Adam was up a bunch, which for once I considered a good thing because I wanted to get as much breastmilk into him as I could before the cut off. Plus, I was just too nervous to sleep.
As it turns out, we all survived this morning’s MRI in one piece. Adam did really well. He really is such a trooper. I think the worst part was the IV. He did not like that one bit, and it hurt my heart to watch him hurt. He didn’t really enjoy not being able to eat for that length of time either, but he hung in there.
They ended up having to use general anesthesia on him since one of the drugs they use for IV sedation is egg protein based and we didn’t want to chance it. We weren’t allowed in with him during the actual MRI, but we were there while he went to sleep. Walking away from him at that point was so hard. We made our way to the waiting room, and I couldn’t help but let the tears roll down my face.
We were told the MRI would take 45 minutes to an hour, and I was ok until the hour mark arrived and still no Adam. My knee started bouncing, and the nerves started flowing. By an hour and 15 minutes in I was up pacing the waiting room. Thankfully they called us back shortly thereafter, and we arrived in the recovery room right as he was starting to wake up.
I’m so glad he got to see my face both as he went to sleep and as he woke up. I was afraid he would have been scared otherwise. He was able to nurse right after he woke up, and we were able to leave shortly thereafter.
We’ll have to wait the weekend to find out the results, but we should get them by Tuesday at the latest. I’m very relieved that the MRI itself is over. Now we just have to wait and see if the results are normal. Oh, I’m hoping so much that they are.
Thank you so much for all of your good thoughts and crossed fingers. They really mean so much.
9 Months and a Request October 11, 2007
Adam turned 9 months yesterday. He’s growing up so fast, and he’s just a bit of a cutie, if I say so myself.
There’s not going to be much of a 9 month update today, because there’s something else on my mind right now. That’s where the request part of the post comes in. I’m not sure if I’ve ever asked this before on my blog, not through the IVFs or anything, but this is different.
I’ve been going crazy just sitting here waiting for his MRI which was scheduled for a long 6 weeks away, so I called this afternoon to check on the status of the cancellation list. Amazingly an opening for tomorrow morning had just come up, so I snagged it.
His MRI is scheduled for 8:30 am, and we have to be there by 7:00. He’s not supposed to eat for 4 hours before that because he’ll have to be sedated for the MRI, so that should be interesting especially given how often he’s been waking up to nurse lately.
So, if you could spare a minute tomorrow to send a good thought our way we would really appreciate it. I am so nervous. I don’t think we’ll get the results tomorrow. We’ll have to wait and get those from the doctor sometime next week, but I’m so thankful that we don’t have to wait another 6 weeks to find out if he’s got a tumor hanging out in there.
Please keep your fingers crossed that our little guy is ok.
Just a Tad Bit Overwhelmed October 5, 2007
I wish I could say that things were improving in issues-land, but that’s not the case. Adam had his appointment with the pediatric ophthalmologist on Monday. Unfortunately we didn’t learn a whole lot that we didn’t already know. She discussed the various causes of nystagmus with us, all of which we were familiar with.
The one new piece of info came after the doctor looked at his eyes through her microscope lenses. She was able to tell us that his eyes are actually doing it constantly but only so often do they do it predominantly enough for us to see it. She confirmed that his left eye is more affected.
The next step is for Adam to have an MRI done to rule out a brain tumor. The wait for an MRI appointment is not a short one and the fact that Adam will need to be sedated for it requiring an anesthesiologist be present the entire time just makes it even harder to schedule. His appointment is scheduled for 11/23, the day after Thanksgiving. It was either that or wait for the next opening on 12/18. He is on the cancellation list, however, so there’s a chance we could get in sooner.
It’s really not easy just to sit here and wait. I worry a lot. I know that realistically speaking there’s probably a greater chance that’s he’s ok than not. But the fact that there’s a chance at all that my little man could have a brain tumor is just excruciatingly hard to deal with.
Adam also got his new helmet yesterday. Oh, how I loathe the helmet. I already had to take him back to have it adjusted today since it wasn’t fitting well. This feels like a repeat of helmet #1 already, and I’m not a happy camper. He actually ended up getting a week break from the helmet while the new one was being made since the old one fit so poorly that he couldn’t wear it. It was sooooo nice to have his little head back, and it made it that much harder to put him in the new one. I didn’t cry when he first got the helmet, but I sure did when he got #2.
Adam’s having a really hard time with his sleep now, too, and it makes me worry along with everything else. He’s waking up every 2-2.5 hours at night, and it’s taking it’s toll on him and me. I just wish I knew what was going on.
I don’t even know where to start about the food sensitivity issues. I keep losing foods out of my diet, but at least we’re making progress. I do get discouraged with the very limited number of things I can eat. It’s a very hard thing to keep up month after month, but really, what choice do I have? I need to do this for him.
Oh, and for good measure I burned the crap out of my arm this week with a hot pan. It’s a fairly large second degree burn, and it’s pretty nasty. I think I was just too tired to realize that my arm was touching a hot pan to pull it off in time.
Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with this stuff. It’s just hard when it’s all happening at the same time. It’s not like it’s all hard, though. It’s definitely not hard to see that little face smile or to watch him make strides despite it all. He really amazes me.
So Many Issues for Such a Little Guy September 25, 2007
I wish so much that Adam didn’t have to deal with as much as he does. I know it’s exhausting for me. I can’t imagine what it’s like for him.
It looks like we get to add another specialist to the ever growing list. Last week we noticed that Adam’s eye was involuntarily moving side to side at a rapid pace off and on for a few seconds at a time. We consulted Dr. Google (oh, what would we do without our Google medical licenses?) who suggested that this was a condition called nystagmus.
I brought Adam to the pediatrician on Friday, and he confirmed Dr. Google’s diagnosis and referred him to a pediatric ophthalmologist. Their first available appointment is on October 1st, so that’s when we’ll be going.
There’s no way to know what is causing this or the severity of the situation right now. Hopefully seeing the specialist will shed some light on that. For now we’re just hoping so much that it isn’t serious. I’m doing my best not to dwell on worst case scenarios here. The worrier in me can’t help but shudder at words like “brain tumor,” though. There’s a chance it could be no big deal at all, so we’re holding out hope for that.
Adam’s been reacting again, and as a result we’ve added strawberries to the forbidden/reaction list. The list of things I can eat is growing shorter and shorter, but I don’t hesitate for a second to keep up this diet.
If that wasn’t enough, it looks like Adam is getting a new helmet. I brought him in yesterday to have it adjusted yet again since it had been leaving indention marks on his forehead. When I got back home and got to see how it was fitting on him it was obvious that it had been way over adjusted. It was shifting all over the place, and I was pissed.
So, I called the orthotist to let him know how frustrated I was with the current fit as well as my displeasure in the fit from the beginning, and he offered to have a new helmet made for Adam at no cost to us. (Which is a good thing because the last thing I want to do is shell out another $3200 at this point.) We have to go back tomorrow to have another head scan done, so they can have the latest measurements to make the helmet from.
It’s frustrating, because I feel like we could have gotten more progress already if his helmet had fit right from the beginning. Plus now he’s going to end up being in it longer than anticipated. Oh, how I hate that piece of plastic.
He’s also being attacked by the teething monster at the moment. Tooth #2 just broke through, so I hope that means he’ll get a little bit of relief soon before tooth #3 starts getting him.
I just feel so badly that he’s having to deal with all of this stuff. Sometimes it just feels like too much for one little guy to have to handle. Despite it all he’s such an amazing little man who manages to melt my heart on a daily basis. I hope one day in the near future all of this will be behind us and he’ll just be able to be a kid. He deserves that.
My Guys September 15, 2007
Oops. I guess I’m a bad blogger for not posting a pic with Adam’s 8 month update. So, here ya go. Here’s a recent shot of Dan and Adam during Adam’s helmet break. I love seeing that head!
8 Months September 13, 2007
Another month has gone by, and our little man reached the 8 month mark on Monday. He’s still keeping me on my toes, my sleep deprived toes.
His first tooth broke through the gum on Tuesday which could help explain the sleep deprivation situation. He’s been waking every 1-3 hours at night lately, and it’s starting to feel like the newborn days all over again. He’s napping better now, though, so at least we’re making progress somewhere.
He’s making more strides in the quest for greater mobility, just recently learning how to get up on all fours for a few seconds at a time. He’s now a pro at rolling around and scooting in circles on his belly. He can make it from one side of the room to the other in no time at all.
The food sensitivity stuff is an ongoing battle. He’s still not on solid foods yet, but I’m really hoping that we’ll be able to try again sometime in the next couple of weeks. I’m amazed and thankful that my boobs are still keeping up with him. I’ve been on my elimination diet (no dairy, soy, wheat, eggs, nuts, seafood, beef, or turkey) for over three months now after having been dairy free for four months prior to that. It’s not exactly the easiest thing in the world, but it’s doable. The most important thing is that it’s helping, and it’s what he needs right now.
We had a couple of appointments yesterday dealing with his plagiocephaly and torticollis issues. He had another head scan which showed that his asymmetry measurement went from 15.9mm four weeks ago to 13.5mm today. I was hoping for more improvement, but I’m glad that it did improve some. That takes him down from severe plagio to moderate.
The orthodist mentioned the possibility of needing a second helmet if Adam doesn’t make enough progress before he outgrows the current one, and the words “there will be no second helmet” flew out of my mouth immediately. We’re having a tough time with the helmet, and two more months seems like more than enough to me.
Then we saw the specialist who was much more positive about the situation. She said that we shouldn’t even worry about a second helmet, that she thinks he’s making good improvement. She was pleased with his progress with the torticollis stuff including his range of motion to the left. She said that we can stop doing his stretches and just check once a day to make sure things aren’t tightening back up. I know Adam will be happy to not be tortured by those darn stretches multiple times a day, but now we have to work on strengthening exercises to get the right side of his neck stronger to help improve his tilt.
So, I guess we still have a lot going on. I’ve never been so happy to be so exhausted, though. He makes my heart smile on a daily basis, and I feel so darn lucky to be his mom.
Oh, What to Blog About? September 2, 2007
I actually have a free minute to blog, but I’m just sitting here staring at the computer. Nothing’s coming out. I don’t know if it’s because I have nothing to say or because I’m too tired to think well enough to write.
It’s not like I don’t have things that I’ve been wanting to blog about. I still would like to get around to devoting a post to breastfeeding. That’s not a topic for a quicky post written in the midst of sleep deprivation, though.
I’ve thought about blogging about the fact that we recently received our annual cryopreservation statement in the mail for the lone vial of sperm we have left in the deep freeze. That little piece of paper can bring up all kinds of thoughts about our past and our future. The bottom line, however, is that neither Dan or I are ready to discuss or even give considerable thought to whether or not we’ll ever try again for another child. Right now we are just so thankful to have Adam, and we’re just going to enjoy him as much as we possibly can. We sent in our $300 not because we’re sure we’ll ever use that sperm but simply as a way to postpone any decisions on the subject.
I could blog about a book on IVF that I was sent to review, but I haven’t had time to read it yet. I’m looking forward to getting to it, but I just haven’t been able to yet.
I could blog some more about sleep issues, but there’s not a ton to say. Some days are better, some days aren’t. I’m tired. Really tired. It will get better, though, eventually. At least I hope it will.
I could rant about how much I hate Adam’s helmet. He’s got 9.5 weeks left in it (for a total of 3.5 months) and I’m counting down the days. I hate how it makes him uncomfortable. I hate how it affects his sleep. I hate how I keep having to take him in to have it adjusted because it never seems to fit exactly right. I sure am thankful that he’s completely unaware of how people laugh and stare at him and whisper “aw, poor little baby” at him out in public. I’m so, so glad that I’m the one that gets to deal with that and not him.
I’ve been fantasizing about ways to destroy the darn thing when he’s done with it. It gets me through the day, what can I say. The good news, though, is that we can already see a difference in his wonky head, so it’s nice to know that we aren’t putting him through this for nothing.
I could blog some more about Adam’s food sensitivities. That’s a never ending topic, for sure. The latest on that front? He’s been reacting to my vitamins. Yep, you read that correctly, my freaking vitamins. It took me a while to figure that one out, but sure enough, that was the culprit. He’s still not on solid food, and I’m not sure when he’ll be able to tolerate it. It’s a good thing he’s a big fan of the boob.
Or I could simply post a picture of our little man. Yep, I think that’s what I’ll do. I’ll figure out what to blog about some other day.
Deep in Sleep Hell August 20, 2007
We’ve been here before, this frustrating place called sleep hell. Things got better for a while there, though. Adam was consistently taking two naps a day in his crib and sleeping pretty well overnight, waking a couple of times to nurse but going back down easily. Now the new helmet and the fact that we can no longer swaddle him are screwing things up again.
Fortunately we’ve seen some improvements in Adam’s night time sleep over the last week. However, naps seem to be getting worse instead of better. He just will not go to sleep. Once he finally (and I mean finally) does, he sleeps ok, but getting there is the hard part.
I just don’t know what to do. Sometimes he’ll nurse down and sometimes he won’t. It doesn’t seem to make a difference, though, because within 10 minutes or so he’s awake again. It doesn’t appear to matter if I try to move him to the crib immediately or wait and let him doze on the nursing pillow a while. He wakes up whether I move him or not.
When we could use the Miracle Blanket, he’d go right to sleep even if he didn’t nurse down. Now he rolls around in his crib and will not settle down. I hate just leaving him in his crib forever and a day until he finally conks out, but I don’t know what else to do. I just wish I knew how to get him to fall asleep. He won’t rock to sleep. Nursing to sleep isn’t the answer anymore. I just don’t know.
I’m sure the helmet isn’t helping matters. I am so ready to run that thing over with my car. I don’t even care that we paid an arm and a leg for it. I know he needs to wear it, so on it stays, but I still hate the darn thing.
I’m hoping things will improve at some point. It’s just hard right now when he’s so tired. Oh Adam, won’t you please go to sleep? Pretty please?
My 7 Month Old Helmet Wearing Swaddle Addict August 10, 2007
Adam is 7 months old today. He’s been wearing his new hat for about a week now, and I don’t know who hates it more, him or me. I know he needs it. One look at his wonky head confirms that for me every time, but it’s still really hard.
Things are better now than they were when he got it last week, though. The first day he wouldn’t even lay down in it without crying. He’s had a gradual breaking in schedule ramping up the time he’s spent wearing it each day, and he started wearing it full time, 23 hours a day, on Tuesday. He gets pretty fussy in it and has had some trouble sleeping in it, but I know it’s just a matter of getting adjusted to it. You should see him when he gets his hour break in the evening, though. Oh my goodness, that’s one happy little guy.
In addition to the helmet messing with his sleep a bit, we have another major sleep issue to deal with at the moment. Adam really needs to be swaddled to sleep well. He hasn’t had his legs swaddled in months, but we swaddle his arms in the Miracle Blanket and it does the trick.
Recently, though, he’s been escaping from it multiple times per night. Then he thinks it’s play time and starts rolling around the crib. Last night was the last straw when he managed to roll over on his belly while swaddled. Not good, so I unwrapped him and put him in a sleep sack instead.
I knew it wasn’t going to go well, and it didn’t. He played and rolled and rolled and played, traveling the length of the crib many times over. Not so cute at 1:00 in the morning. Plus, he can roll back to front in both directions but only one way front to back, so when he manages to wedge himself down at the end of the crib facing the wrong way on his stomach, he’s stuck. I kept hearing thump…thump…thump. That was him bumping his helmet against the crib while trying to roll over against it. Silly goose. I had to go lay him back down more than once.
He finally settled down and went to sleep for a bit, but then he woke up and played some more. He fell asleep again, but then decided to start his day at 5:40 AM. I’m hoping so much that the novelty of being able to roll around in the crib wears off in a few days. I think we’re in for a long weekend, though.
The poor little guy’s system still isn’t taking too well to solids, so we’re taking a break for now. It’s a good thing that darn helmet hasn’t interfered with breastfeeding any. I was really worried that it would, but so far we’re doing ok in that department.
Other than the helmet issue, sleep issue, and sensitive GI system issue, he’s doing well. He’s doing a whole lot better now that I’m on the elimination diet, so much so that he really does seem like a different person. He’s totally itching to be even more mobile than he is now, pivoting around on his stomach and rolling all over the living room floor. I know he cannot wait to crawl. He’s still growing by leaps and bounds and looking more and more like a little boy than a baby every day. Here are a few shots from last week. As you can see, the exersaucer does a pretty good job of distracting him from the helmet.
The Complicated Infant August 2, 2007
We took Adam to see an allergist last week since he’s dealing with all of this food sensitivity stuff. Yesterday I got the report that he sent to Adam’s pediatrician in the mail. It had various sections, history, meds, etc, and towards the end there was an assessment section. The allergist’s first sentence in that portion of the report started with “Adam is a very complicated infant.” I have to admit that the way that sounded to me made me chuckle a bit. That’s my boy, the complicated infant.
I do get discouraged with Adam’s issues from time to time. It’s hard when he’s dealing with multiple issues at once, and it’s frustrating when there is only so much I can do about it. Even though I know I shouldn’t, I feel guilty, too. I feel like I’m to blame. I mean, why does he have plagiocephaly? Because he has torticollis. Why does he have torticollis? Because he was cramped up in my little uterus. And I’m pretty sure he got the food sensitivity genes through me. My dad had the same type of issues when he was a kid. Plus, he reacts to things I eat, things I choose to put in my mouth. Obviously I would never intentionally eat something that I know he’ll react to, but the guilt is still there.
I just wish so much that he didn’t have to go through all of this. I hate that we have to give him medicine for his reflux six times a day. I hate that we have to do those neck stretches which make him scream multiple times a day. I hate that he’s going to have to wear a helmet for his plagiocephaly. I hate that his poor little GI system gets so upset so easily.
Thank goodness all of those things should be temporary. At least I hope they will be. This won’t last forever.
I guess I should look at the progress we’re making and the steps we’re taking to move us forward. Adam is getting his STARband helmet this afternoon. I’m very nervous about the whole thing, but the sooner he starts treatment the sooner he’ll be done with it.
The GI stuff is a little less straightforward. It’s more of a one step forward, two steps back type of a situation. He had a definite reaction a couple of weeks ago that we traced back to turkey in my diet. I would never have thought turkey would cause a reaction, but what do I know. We’ve also been trying to start solids with him when he’s been free of reaction from my diet, and that’s going slowly. We’ve had to stop and start a couple of times due to reactions.
The allergist recommended that I stay on the elimination diet (no dairy, soy, eggs, wheat, nuts, fish, seafood, or beef and now turkey) until Adam is 12 months old. He did support the slow introduction of solids to his diet making sure not to give him foods that are typically allergenic. So, that’s the plan for now. Adam really is doing so much better now that I’m on this elimination diet. It’s tough, but it’s so worth it to see him doing better.
So, I guess things are a bit complicated. That’s ok, though. Normal is boring anyway.
Adam’s Getting a New Hat July 20, 2007
Adam had two appointments on Wednesday to follow up with the plagiocephaly situation. It was a tough day. The combination of missed morning nap, plus two separate appointments, plus an hour and a half wait at the doctor’s office, plus the results of the day was just about enough to send us both over the edge.
First he had his second head scan. The results weren’t encouraging. Even with all of the stretching exercises and repositioning that we’ve been doing his head hasn’t improved at all. In fact, the symmetry measurement was a little worse. It was disappointing to see that number go up instead of down.
Then we went on to see the pediatric rehab specialist. She said that we could wait another month and rescan him, but that it would basically be delaying the inevitable. The sooner we get him into a helmet the better it will work and the less time he’ll have to be in it. So, helmet it is.
It wasn’t a hard decision to make from a medical standpoint. Would I rather him spend a few months wearing a helmet or spend a lifetime with a wonky head? Not hard to answer. However, from an emotional standpoint, it was a hard decision to make. I didn’t expect to be so emotional about it, but I am. I don’t want my little man to be stuck in a helmet for 23 hours a day for 3-4 months. I know it’s for the best, though, so we shall proceed.
I’m pretty sure the experience will be easier than I’m expecting. I know that little kiddos adjust quickly to such things. It’s just tough to think about. Plus, he’s already dealing with so much on the GI front. I just hate to add to that.
Like with most things, it helps to hear from other people who have dealt with the same issues. Suz has been a great help and a source of reassurance. Thank goodness for my blogging pals.
There’s some question over whether or not our insurance will pay for his helmet. His case has got to go before a predetermination board to determine whether or not the insurance company thinks the helmet is medically necessary. Instead of waiting for this process to finish we decided to go ahead and pay out of pocket so we can get the helmet ASAP. Those suckers aren’t cheap (more than a FET at my first clinic, less than a FET at my second- I wonder when I’ll stop thinking in terms of IVF $?) but what ya gonna do. Maybe we’ll get reimbursed for part of it, maybe we won’t. I’m not going to sit around and waste precious time waiting for the slow wheels of the insurance company to turn, though. We’re going to get this show on the road.
His helmet was ordered today, so I think that means he should be fitted with it not this coming week but the next. Until then I’ll be constantly kissing his cute little head.
More on the Diet Situation July 13, 2007
I had a few comments on my last post about the elimination diet, so I thought I’d blog some more about that. The problem really isn’t that I’m on an elimination diet. The problem is that I’m a picky eater on an elimination diet. It makes things a bit more complicated.
So since dairy, eggs, soy, wheat, nuts, fish, shellfish, and beef are out right now, what do I eat? Well, that would be chicken, pork, fruits, veggies, rice, and potatoes. That sounds like it should be plenty, but it’s hard when you’re used to eating yummy things like pizza, cookies, and even things like hamburgers.
It’s really changed not only how I shop (I’ve got to read every label very carefully) but how I eat. I didn’t use to eat a lot of rice or potatoes, relying more on wheat, but now I eat them every day. I’m really not a veggie lover, and that hasn’t changed, but I make myself eat them nonetheless.
Breakfast is the hardest for me. I eat fruit every morning, but that doesn’t cut it. I can’t have eggs or things made with flour like pancakes or waffles. (I did try some wheat-free, dairy-free, egg-free waffles, but I couldn’t finish them. Yuck.) I don’t like oatmeal, but it would be out anyway since Adam reacts to oatmeal. (He broke out in a rash from Aveeno lotion.) There aren’t a ton of cereals I can eat, but I have found one that’s safe that I like. I eat it dry, though, because I don’t like rice milk. (See, I told you I was picky.) Potatoes and bacon with a side of fruit is my new favorite breakfast.
On Sunday nights I usually make a pot of something that I can eat off for lunches during the week. There’s really not many convenience foods that I can eat, and I can’t really stop to cook during the week, so that’s what I’ve been doing. I’ve made things like chili with pork instead of beef, chicken jambalaya, and beans, rice, and ham. Not exactly what I would call gourmet cuisine, or even things I really like a whole lot, but they get the job done. Dinner is usually pork or chicken with either rice or potatoes and a veggie. It gets repetitive, but that’s just how it is.
I’ve found a few snacks I can eat like safe chips, potato or corn chips made without soybean oil, some varieties of fruit snacks, certain brands of sorbet, and even a couple of different kinds of candy. I have to admit, though, that I would much prefer even just a teeny tiny bite of ice cream. It’s been 5 months since I’ve had dairy, and it’s hard not to crave it.
A couple of weeks ago we took a trip to Whole Paycheck to try to find some alternative foods. We found some things that were top 8 allergen free, but I have to admit that I haven’t liked very many of them. I mean, did I really think that dairy-free, soy-free, nut-free cookies would be edible? Dan liked them, though. I’m learning that I’m not big on the substitute type of foods. I did find one thing that’s not bad, though, and it kind of surprised me: rice pasta. I didn’t expect to like it, but it’s growing on me so now I can at least have some semblance of spaghetti.
So, how do I get enough calories? That’s a tricky one for me especially given the fact that I need more calories because I’m breastfeeding. I guess I don’t always get enough hence the weight loss. I’m trying, though. I have a good metabolism, one that’s used to eating cookies and the like, so I really do have to make myself eat more now that I’m not eating a lot of junk. I also try to do the opposite of what you do when you diet, like drink calories by drinking Gatorade occasionally instead of just water. I also make sure that I eat something right before I go to bed at night.
I just have to keep reminding myself that this is only temporary. One day he’ll either grow out of it or I’ll be done breastfeeding. I’m not sure which will come first, but I’ll be able to eat all of those foods that I crave again eventually. Right now, though, this is what’s best for Adam. That’s the most important thing. (Oh, and the little guy weighed in at 18 lbs, 6 oz and was 26 3/4″ tall at his 6 month checkup today, so I must be doing something right. It’s good to know that he’s thriving despite all of this stuff.)
6 Months July 10, 2007
Our little guy turned 6 months old today, and you know what? I still have to pinch myself.
He’s been up to quite a bit lately. In addition to sitting up, he finally decided that it was time to roll over. I was starting to wonder if he’d ever get around to it, and he finally decided he was ready. It’s no surprise to me that he sat up without support before he rolled over, though, given the fact that I’ve been unable to put him in any sort of horizontal position so many times due to the reflux/GI issues.
Speaking of that, things are going ok in that department. I’ve been on the elimination diet, no dairy, wheat, eggs, nuts, fish, shellfish, soy, or beef, for five weeks now. It’s still kicking my ass, but it’s helping Adam which is the most important thing. I’ve tried reintroducing eggs and beef, separately of course, and he reacted to both so they both went back on the forbidden list.
I get frustrated being unable to eat so many things that I would really love to eat, but my main problem with the diet is that I’m having trouble maintaining my weight on it. I’m only a pound away from dipping down into the double digits right now, and that’s not good. I know it’s a problem many would like to have, but it’s a problem nonetheless. So far it hasn’t affected my milk production, but I’m worried that it could.
Breastfeeding is going well, and I can honestly say that I enjoy it now. I’m so glad that I didn’t give up in the beginning, because I can’t imagine not breastfeeding him. I guess it’s obvious from the whole elimination diet thing how much I’m willing to go through to be able to maintain that relationship.
Adam is totally ready to start solids and has been for a while. He goes nuts when we eat or drink in front of him, pulling our plates towards him or grabbing at whatever it is we’re snacking on at the moment. He loves to hold Dan’s soft drink cans and lick the sides of them. I really do want to start him on some solid food soon, but I know that it will be challenging. Not only will I have to stop reintroducing eliminated foods into my diet whenever we introduce something new directly to him, but we’ll have to take things pretty slowly just to make sure his sensitive system is ok with what we give him.
The whole sleep issue is still a work in progress. Some days are better than others, but things are definitely better than the were before. Adam’s been sleeping in his crib every night but wants nothing to do with it for naps. It will come in time, I’m sure. He’s been going through his 6 month growth spurt the last week and a half and is reminding me of those early days, nursing every 2-3.5 hours at night and even more frequently during the day.
Speaking of growing, I know exactly where all of my weight is going. Straight to him, of course. He’s getting so big, and I can’t wait to find out the official numbers when we go for his check up on Friday.
I find that often times I get caught up in the day to day stuff, trying to make sure Adam actually naps or attempting to decipher what’s going on with his GI issues. It’s nice, however, when something happens to make me reflect a little. Yesterday we got another medical bill from Adam’s birth in the mail. They tend to trickle in every now and again, so I thought nothing of it when I opened it last night.
It was from the neonatologist’s office and I quickly scanned it to find out how much we owed. Then my eyes came to rest of the description of service provided: newborn resuscitation. It was the bill from the doctor who had resuscitated Adam after he was born not breathing. I don’t think I’ve ever had an easier time writing a check in my life. I mean, how can you put a price on that?
It just reminded me how much we went through to get our little guy, all the way from the early infertility days, through all of the IVF cycles, right down to those heart stopping moments after delivery. Seeing that bill allowed the gratefulness I feel in my heart to rise to the surface. I am just so very thankful that we have him in our lives. I don’t think there really are words to express how much.
I Think Someone Switched Babies on Me June 28, 2007
Adam took two naps today totaling 3.5 hours of sleep time. Incredible.
I thought it had backfired on us when I went to nurse him to sleep tonight, though. He nursed for 40 minutes and then was done. Sounds good except for one problem. He was wide awake. I changed his diaper and then tried to get him to nurse again so I could get him to nurse himself to sleep. Nothing doing. So, I wrapped him up in the Miracle Blanket, put him down in his crib, turned up the music a tad, and left the room.
I stood on the other side of the door just knowing that he was going to start fussing any minute. What did that crazy little goober do? He talked to himself for a while, kicked around for a bit, and then went to sleep on his own. I think I’m still in shock.
A Little Less Baffled June 26, 2007
First off, thank you all so much for your comments and suggestions on the whole sleep issue. It does help to know that we’re not the first ones dealing with this.
It’s only been a few days, but I can honestly say that things are a little better. Saturday, after Adam only took one 40 minute nap, I decided that we were going to make every attempt to get him to bed earlier. It didn’t matter that we had tried the early bedtime thing before without success. He needed some sleep.
So, we started getting him ready for bed around 6:30. We did the regular routine, and then I brought him into the bedroom to nurse. Wouldn’t you know it, he was asleep in his crib before 7:30.
Yep, I also decided we were just going to try the crib again see what happened. I was fully prepared to have him wake up an hour or two later. Well, he stirred a bit at 10:00 but settled back down to sleep after I turned his night time music back on. He stirred again at 3:00, but again went back to sleep. He didn’t wake up with his “you better feed me now” cry until 5:00, an astounding 9.5 hours after going to sleep. I nursed him and put him back in the crib, and he slept until 7:10.
I knew better than to post about it on Sunday, because the last thing I needed was to jinx myself, but Sunday night and last night went relatively well also. I got him down at 7:25 Sunday, he woke up at 2:00 and 5:00 to nurse, going back down in the crib easily after each time, and woke for the day at 6:40. Last night he went down at 7:40, woke up screaming at 10:00 (I think it was the teething), nursed then and again at 5:20, and woke for the day at 7:00.
I feel so much better knowing he’s getting almost 2 more hours of sleep at night than he had previously been getting. Besides the early bedtime, which is obviously huge, we also changed a couple more things. We moved the crib to the foot of our bed. I’m not sure if it helps him to be closer to us, but it sure is easier to check on him that way. I also asked Dan to construct a makeshift cover for the huge ass arched window we have in our bedroom. Even with blackout curtains on the regular part of the window, it was just way too bright in the bedroom. Now we have a custom made (fittingly constructed from a Pack n’ Play box and a Huggies box) shade for our arch, and it makes a big difference.
I think the early bedtime is key, though. It sucks that Adam won’t get to hang out with Dan during the week now because Dan rarely gets home before 7:30, but we need to get that little man some sleep. I feel more comfortable with him sleeping in his crib, too. I like that he has his own sleeping space, plus then he can sleep with the mattress propped up at an angle which is better for his reflux.
Naps the past couple of days have still been difficult. Sunday he took one 1 hour nap. Yesterday he took a 40 minute nap in the morning and wouldn’t nap in the afternoon. He was so tired, though, so I popped him in the car and got him to fall asleep that way. He ended up napping for an hour and a half.
This morning I decided to try something different. I figured the earlier bedtime seemed to work so well that we might as well try an earlier nap time, too. I got him to sleep by 8:30, an hour and a half after he had woken up, and he napped for exactly an hour. For nap #2 I got him down a little after noon, so 2.5 hours after he had woken up from nap #1, and again he slept for an hour. He went right to sleep after nursing both times. I went ahead and let him sleep on the mattress on our bedroom floor instead of putting him in the crib. I might have gotten away with it, but I figure one step at a time.
Unfortunately the early naps backfired a little when he laughed in the face of my attempt to get him to take a third nap. His second nap ended so early in the day that it was a long time until bedtime. Two naps are a good step in the right direction, though, and I got him down to sleep tonight even a little earlier at 7:00 to compensate for the early nap situation. This is all definitely a work in progress.
So yeah, we’re still nursing to sleep, but that’s what’s working right now. I honestly don’t have it in me to let him cry himself to sleep. He really has already spent too much of his short life crying due to all of the GI/reflux issues. We’re making progress on that front, too, and hopefully I’ll get around to posting an update on that whole situation at some point.
The past couple of days have really seemed like a step in the right direction. I guess earlier really is better for him. I think he was just too tired to sleep before. You’ve really got to use some backwards logic with these little people.
And now, on a completely unrelated note, I just had to share this picture of Adam sitting up on his own. You think he’s just a little excited about his latest accomplishment?
This Sleep Thing Baffles Me June 23, 2007
Sleep is one of those things I didn’t have to worry about in the early days of parenthood. Oh sure, I worried about not getting enough for myself, but I never worried about Adam not getting enough. He slept all the time. Now is a different story, however. We’re having some serious sleep issues these days. Let’s start with night time sleep.
The only place Adam would sleep at night after we came home from the hospital was his bouncer. We tried everything else we could think of (and purchased all kinds of stuff that we didn’t end up using) but that’s the only place he’d sleep so we went with it. We tried transitioning him to the crib at one point before he was diagnosed and treated for reflux, and he ended up spitting up both through his mouth and nose during the night the few times we tried. Well then after his reflux diagnosis it just made sense to leave him in the bouncer.
Now he’s just getting too darn big for the bouncer. We’ve tried putting him to sleep in the crib, but he ends up waking up after 1-2 hours. He hates that darn crib. We moved the mattress from our guest bed to our bedroom floor so I’d have a place to nurse and change him without disturbing Dan too much. He’ll sleep on the mattress with me just fine, usually only waking once to nurse just like he did when in the bouncer, so that’s what we’ve been doing the past few nights. I don’t know if this is a permanent solution or not.
One thing that really confuses me about night time sleep is bedtime. Adam usually goes to sleep somewhere around 9 or 9:15. He usually nurses for about an hour before that. I keep reading about early bedtimes, but it just doesn’t seem to work for him. We’ve tried going through his regular bedtime routine earlier by varying amounts, and he still doesn’t go to sleep until 9 or 9:15. He’ll play and stall or just nurse longer.
Naps are even more of a problem. He is so not napping well these days. Today he took one 40 minute nap. That’s it. In the early days he just nursed himself to sleep and slept in my arms. I guess some people would think that’s where the problem lies, but nursing him to sleep just seems so natural to me. The problem is that he’s not doing it consistently for nap time any more. He still seems like he’s nursing himself down most of the time, but then he finishes and then just looks up at me with big sleepy eyes.
So, what do I do then? I’ve tried putting him down in the crib. That’s a joke. He just won’t go to sleep there even if he’s way tired. He’ll just lay there, and then eventually he’ll start fussing to get out. I’ve tried nursing him on the mattress in the bedroom and then laying him down on the mattress when he’s done. This works some of the time. Other times he just lays there for a while talking to himself and then starts protesting.
I’ll admit to getting desperate, putting him in the car seat, and driving him around until he falls asleep. Sometimes that’s the only thing that will work.
I’m getting really stressed out about the whole thing, because it’s obvious that he needs more sleep than he’s getting. I feel like I’m failing at part of my job as a parent. I mean, getting only 10 hours of sleep a day can’t be good for him. Sometimes he’ll get 11 or 12, but even that doesn’t seem like enough for a 5.5 month old.
I know I can’t handle the whole cry it out thing, so that’s out. I don’t really know what to do. I know I can’t expect too much right now because he’s teething and that screws everything up. However, this has been going on longer than the teething has. It’s been going on too long. I’m sure the whole reflux situation doesn’t help either. I know eventually things will get better, at least I hope they will, but it still worries me right now.
Man, sometimes I wonder if this is the same baby who slept through the entire night at 3 months and napped throughout the day without any problems whatsoever. We’re so not there anymore.
5 Months June 10, 2007
I know it’s been forever and a year since I blogged. I just can’t ever seem to sit down at the computer long enough to get a whole post out.
Adam turns 5 months old today. My little guy isn’t quite as little now. He’s up to 17 pounds and 26.5 inches. He definitely takes after Dan in that respect.
His reflux issues have been giving him a tough time lately. We got into see a pediatric GI on Tuesday who changed his meds a bit and suggested than in addition to my dairy free diet that I eliminate soy, eggs, nuts, and fish for the time being. We’ll keep him on the new meds for a while before starting to reintroduce those things into my diet to see if they’re causing an issue.
I have to admit that being on such a limited diet is kicking my ass, but it will be worth it if it helps. It’s a great weight loss tool, though. It was weird to step on the scale this morning and think that I really need to find a way to not lose any more weight. I’m not sure I’ve ever had that thought before.
I really just want Adam to feel better. It will be nice when the days of spitting up, major fussing, and dose after dose of meds are behind us.
We’ve also been dealing with Adam’s plagiocephaly issue. We saw the specialist on Monday who confirmed our suspicions when she diagnosed him with torticollis. For the first few months Adam would only lay his head to the right. He also strongly preferred to look to the right. It turns out that that’s due to the fact that the muscles on that side of his neck are much tighter than the other. We now have to do stretching exercises three times a day in order to stretch those muscles out.
Since he always laid his head to the right, that side of his head became flattened. He had a head scan on Friday to determine the severity of the plagiocephaly, and his measurements put him on the moderate to severe border. We’ll continue the exercises, and he’ll go back for another scan in a little over a month to see what progress he’s made. That will determine if he’ll need a helmet or not.
On the non medical side of things, Adam is into some cute things these days. He laughed his first real laugh a couple weeks ago, and has done it a couple of times since. It’s music to my ears. He also recently found his feet. He loves to play with those feet.
Breastfeeding is going well. I’d love to post more about that sometime. I’m so glad I stuck in out in the beginning. It was hard then, and it’s a little challenging now given the whole food sensitivity/diet situation, but I am so thankful for our good breastfeeding relationship. Even those challenges don’t give me a second’s hesitation about continuing on. (Plus, the goober wants nothing to do with a bottle anyway. He knows what he likes.)
So, that’s how things have been going. I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve found dealing with everything that comes along with the reflux issue difficult. There has been more than one occasion when Adam and I have been crying in unison. I know it’s temporary, though, and it most certainly doesn’t keep me from enjoying the heck out of our little guy.
When he was born that I thought I couldn’t feel more thankful that he was in our lives. I was wrong. I just feel more thankful every day.
Special Days May 14, 2007
Today is my birthday, my 30th birthday to be exact. It feels kinda weird to not be in my 20’s anymore. Does this mean I have to be a real grown up now?
We don’t really have anything special planned for today, but that’s ok because yesterday was more than special for me. The past few Mother’s Days have really been hard. It was pretty surreal to actually be celebrating it this year. Dan got me some extremely lovely and heartfelt gifts that left me in tears.
I have to admit, though, that even though yesterday was a happy day that it was also impossible not to think about what it took to get to this place, to remember the pain of the past five years. My thoughts were also with all of my friends who are still in the trenches. I want so much for them to be able to celebrate Mother’s Day, too.
All in all, though, it was a very special day that I won’t soon forget. I’m so thankful that I got to cry happy tears instead of sad ones this year.
So, you would think that between yesterday and today I’d be set as far as special days are concerned. Well, there’s one more coming up in the near future. On Wednesday Dan and I will celebrate our 9th wedding anniversary.
I really can’t fully express what all of these special days mean to me. I am just so very grateful to have a wonderful husband and now an amazing son. My heart is so full.
4 Months May 11, 2007
Adam turned four months old yesterday. He had his checkup today, and he’s up to 15 lbs, 13 oz and 25.5 inches tall, putting him in the 75th percentile for both.
He’s doing pretty well, although some of his reflux symptoms have returned. His doctor upped his dose of Prevacid, so hopefully that will help. The doctor noticed that he’s showing signs of plagiocephaly with his head being flattened on one side, so he’s also going to refer him to a pediatric physical medicine doctor to have it evaluated.
Life with our little guy is amazing. It’s crazy to think that one year ago tomorrow we transferred our last four embryos. To say that I am thankful that one of them hung on to become Adam would be an enormous understatement.
Another Year, Another Blogiversary April 19, 2007
Three years ago today I started this blog. I really didn’t know where I was going with it when I started it. It wasn’t like I really intended it to be a record of our multi year infertility saga. I guess no one really plans for that, though.
I also don’t really know where I’m going with this blog now. I honestly don’t know what I would have done if I hadn’t had this place to vent while going through all of the IVF crap, but things are different now. I’ve somehow managed to come out on the other side with a son. I honestly didn’t believe it would ever happen, but it did.
I don’t really need to vent anymore. I can honestly say that I’m happier now than I ever have been. Sure, I’m finding some aspects of parenting to be challenging, but it’s nothing like the challenges of the IVF days.
I don’t really feel like a “mommy blogger.” Hell, I still have to pinch myself most days. I guess I just don’t really know what to post anymore.
I don’t think I’m ready to stop blogging, and I know that even if that were the case I’d leave my blog up. I know what it feels like to be googling away trying to find someone going through something similar. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve found solace in a fellow blogger’s words.
As weird as it may sound, I guess it’s going to take some time for me to get used to not being an infertility patient. IVF was my life for a good chunk of time. I invested everything in it. It truly consumed me, and that’s how it had to be. I wouldn’t have been able to do it any other way.
Now I’m using syringes to give Adam medicine instead of sticking a needle on the end to jab myself for the umpteenth time. Am I thankful? Hell yes. I’ve never been more thankful for anything in my life. Is it still an adjustment? Yep.
I guess part of me will always see myself that way, though. It goes deeper than seeing myself as one half of an infertile couple. There’s a chunk of me that I think will always identify with being an IVF patient. We just went through too much to ever forget it, ya know.
However, I do want to be able to move forward at the same time. Remembering what we went through to get Adam is what is making me the kind of parent I’m turning out to be, but thankfully I’m now also able to put the bitterness and sadness that I experienced for so many years to the side and focus on living my life with our little guy.
So, who really knows where I’ll head with this blog. It sure has saved me the past 3 years. I wonder if it will take me through the next 3.
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