Special Days May 14, 2007
Today is my birthday, my 30th birthday to be exact. It feels kinda weird to not be in my 20’s anymore. Does this mean I have to be a real grown up now?
We don’t really have anything special planned for today, but that’s ok because yesterday was more than special for me. The past few Mother’s Days have really been hard. It was pretty surreal to actually be celebrating it this year. Dan got me some extremely lovely and heartfelt gifts that left me in tears.
I have to admit, though, that even though yesterday was a happy day that it was also impossible not to think about what it took to get to this place, to remember the pain of the past five years. My thoughts were also with all of my friends who are still in the trenches. I want so much for them to be able to celebrate Mother’s Day, too.
All in all, though, it was a very special day that I won’t soon forget. I’m so thankful that I got to cry happy tears instead of sad ones this year.
So, you would think that between yesterday and today I’d be set as far as special days are concerned. Well, there’s one more coming up in the near future. On Wednesday Dan and I will celebrate our 9th wedding anniversary.
I really can’t fully express what all of these special days mean to me. I am just so very grateful to have a wonderful husband and now an amazing son. My heart is so full.
4 Months May 11, 2007
Adam turned four months old yesterday. He had his checkup today, and he’s up to 15 lbs, 13 oz and 25.5 inches tall, putting him in the 75th percentile for both.
He’s doing pretty well, although some of his reflux symptoms have returned. His doctor upped his dose of Prevacid, so hopefully that will help. The doctor noticed that he’s showing signs of plagiocephaly with his head being flattened on one side, so he’s also going to refer him to a pediatric physical medicine doctor to have it evaluated.
Life with our little guy is amazing. It’s crazy to think that one year ago tomorrow we transferred our last four embryos. To say that I am thankful that one of them hung on to become Adam would be an enormous understatement.
Another Year, Another Blogiversary April 19, 2007
Three years ago today I started this blog. I really didn’t know where I was going with it when I started it. It wasn’t like I really intended it to be a record of our multi year infertility saga. I guess no one really plans for that, though.
I also don’t really know where I’m going with this blog now. I honestly don’t know what I would have done if I hadn’t had this place to vent while going through all of the IVF crap, but things are different now. I’ve somehow managed to come out on the other side with a son. I honestly didn’t believe it would ever happen, but it did.
I don’t really need to vent anymore. I can honestly say that I’m happier now than I ever have been. Sure, I’m finding some aspects of parenting to be challenging, but it’s nothing like the challenges of the IVF days.
I don’t really feel like a “mommy blogger.” Hell, I still have to pinch myself most days. I guess I just don’t really know what to post anymore.
I don’t think I’m ready to stop blogging, and I know that even if that were the case I’d leave my blog up. I know what it feels like to be googling away trying to find someone going through something similar. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve found solace in a fellow blogger’s words.
As weird as it may sound, I guess it’s going to take some time for me to get used to not being an infertility patient. IVF was my life for a good chunk of time. I invested everything in it. It truly consumed me, and that’s how it had to be. I wouldn’t have been able to do it any other way.
Now I’m using syringes to give Adam medicine instead of sticking a needle on the end to jab myself for the umpteenth time. Am I thankful? Hell yes. I’ve never been more thankful for anything in my life. Is it still an adjustment? Yep.
I guess part of me will always see myself that way, though. It goes deeper than seeing myself as one half of an infertile couple. There’s a chunk of me that I think will always identify with being an IVF patient. We just went through too much to ever forget it, ya know.
However, I do want to be able to move forward at the same time. Remembering what we went through to get Adam is what is making me the kind of parent I’m turning out to be, but thankfully I’m now also able to put the bitterness and sadness that I experienced for so many years to the side and focus on living my life with our little guy.
So, who really knows where I’ll head with this blog. It sure has saved me the past 3 years. I wonder if it will take me through the next 3.
I’ve Missed That Smile April 10, 2007
Adam turns 3 months old today. Truly amazing. He’s been feeling better the past couple of days, so it looks like the Prevacid is starting to do the trick. He’s not totally his old self yet, but it is so nice to see him smiling again.
12 Weeks April 4, 2007
I can’t believe our little man is 12 weeks old already. I wish I could say that everything is going swimmingly, but Adam has been having a tough time lately. I took him to the doctor last Friday, and he suspected that reflux is the culprit. We started him on Zantac but saw no improvement, so we switched him to Prevacid yesterday. I’m hoping so much that the new meds help, because it’s killing me to watch him be so uncomfortable and unhappy.
Despite all of that, he’s doing well. He weighed 13 pounds, 8 ounces on Friday, over double his birth weight. He’s getting stronger physically and has even started to sleep longer stretches at night.
Even when we hit a bump or two in the road, I am enjoying our little guy to bits and am looking forward to the next 12 weeks and beyond.
Forever Changed March 24, 2007
Yesterday Dan was adding photos of the three of us to an online family tree. Granted he didn’t have a ton of choices when selecting what picture to use for me given the fact that I can’t stand to have my picture taken, but when I looked at the picture he had uploaded, my first question was, “Does that even look like me anymore?”
It’s not like I’ve changed a ton physically. Hell, I still look very much like I did in high school. So, I wondered why that question had popped into my head. Early this morning it hit me. I’ve changed so much since that picture was taken, not on the outside but on the inside.
I went back and looked at the date it was taken: March 2005. We had “only” done three cycles at that point. I had “only” had a chemical. The miscarriage and four more cycles were yet to come. I realized looking at that picture how much IVF and our losses really have changed me forever.
That girl in the picture looks so innocent. She wasn’t, of course, but she looks that way.
On the flip side, a more positive side, I realize the other reason I don’t totally recognize myself in that picture is because Adam was just a hope and a dream then. As much as IVF has shaped who I am now, motherhood, even the short stint I’ve been fortunate enough to experience thus far, has changed me, too. Even though I couldn’t truly believe that we would eventually have a child through IVF, I can’t even imagine myself without Adam in my life now.
I think I’m going to have to face the camera and take a new picture. That girl in the photo really isn’t me anymore.
My Sensitive Little Man March 19, 2007
A lot of breastfeeding books and websites tell you that you don’t have to worry about what you eat while breastfeeding. I guess Adam didn’t get around to reading those, because he’s got one heck of a sensitive system. I’m still on a completely dairy free diet, and that’s helping a ton, but he still has trouble every now and then.
He’s having a tough day today, displaying all of his typical food sensitivity symptoms: lots of poop, tons and tons of spit up, major fussiness, congestion, and trouble sleeping. Adam’s not really a major crier, but that changes when he’s having sensitivity issues. It’s hard to see him uncomfortable.
What’s even more frustrating than having to be very careful about what I eat is watching him react to something even when I’m being that careful. It’s challenging to go back and try and figure out exactly what he’s reacting to. The one saving grace is that his reactions are fairly short lived once I stop eating the offending item. In a couple of days he’s usually back to his old self.
I’m still determined to keep at the breastfeeding stuff even given this issue. I don’t think I could could convince him to give up the boob at this point even if I wanted to. He’s most definitely a boob man.
Otherwise, he’s doing really well. I look at him and constantly think to myself how damn lucky I am. I really, really am.
2 Months March 10, 2007
Adam turns two months old today. It’s pretty hard to believe. Yesterday he had his check up at the pediatrician’s office, and things went well. He’s growing like a weed and is up to 11 lbs, 11 oz and 23 1/8th” long. That puts him at the 50th percentile for weight and 75th percentile for height. Not too shabby.
It’s amazing to see how much he’s been changing. He likes to hold onto things more now (like my hair!) and he’s becoming quite the professional smiler. Dan even managed to catch one with the camera the other day.
I’m enjoying the heck out of him. He truly does make my heart smile. Now if he would just decide to sleep for more than a couple hours at a time…
You Were Right March 5, 2007
Everyone said breastfeeding would get easier, and I’m happy to report that it has. Gone are the days when I seriously had to will myself to make it through one more day. Gone are the days when I cursed at simply the thought of doing it one more time. I don’t hate breastfeeding anymore, and it is such a relief.
I went ahead and bought an electric pump, and I think it was a wise investment. I only plan to use it a couple of times a week, but it makes a huge difference over the manual one I was using before. I used it yesterday and the day before and got four ounces each time, double what I was getting from the manual pump. Now I can pump and leave expressed milk with Dan and not feel like I have a ticker attached to me when I go out and run an errand or two.
We did try to have Dan take an overnight feed, but that didn’t work so well. I’m always the first to wake when Adam stirs, so it’s not like it meant any more sleep for me since I couldn’t go back to sleep while they were up. Plus, my boobs did not like skipping a feed one bit. It works much better for me to pump during the day when it means I don’t have to skip a session, so I think that’s what we’ll stick with.
It really is amazing how differently I feel about it all now. I knew it would just take time and practice, and that’s just what it took. I’ve still got the milk blister issue to contend with, but even that is starting to get better now. I’m still sticking with the dairy-free diet, and while I must admit that I daydream of pizza with lots of melted cheese and Snickers bars, it’s getting easier to deal with the new diet.
You know, I really wasn’t sure if I was going to make it with this breastfeeding stuff. I was determined to do it, but I still wasn’t sure. Now, here we are closing in on the two month mark, and it dawns on me that we’re already one-sixth of the way to my ultimate goal of breastfeeding for a year. Wow. It feels really good to be over the hump, to know that this is working and that we can keep at it. I have to admit that I feel pretty darn proud of myself.
A.maz.ing March 1, 2007
It’s really dawning on me in a new way how amazing it is that Adam is a part of our family. Just to think about what all it took to bring him into this world truly astounds me.
It all really started with the surgical retrieval of Dan’s sperm. That in itself is something else. I distinctly remember personally driving the test tube of sperm from the hospital where the surgery was performed over to the lab where it was initially frozen. I kept thinking about how I held the only possibility of a biological child right there in my hands. Then that sperm had to be frozen and then thawed while not destroying it in the process.
Then IVF had to be a possibility. Well, more specifically ICSI was the key. Just over a decade ago we couldn’t have even attempted IVF since surgically retrieved sperm is too immature to fertilize an egg without ICSI. I’m so grateful for those wonderful advances in reproductive medicine.
Then there were our cycles. Oh, man. To think that it took 61 eggs, 51 of which were mature, with 44 fertilizing with ICSI, to produce 21 embryos worth transferring to find the 1 that would end up being Adam. Now that’s incredible. And what if the technology to freeze and successfully thaw embryos didn’t exist? Well, we wouldn’t have him then either. He was one of the last four in the deep freeze.
My pregnancy was fairly uneventful for a battle scarred IVF patient with multiple losses placed on blood thinners. His birth, however, wasn’t. Thank goodness hospitals and experienced medical professionals exist. If it wasn’t for their ability to get Adam breathing, well, I just don’t even want to think about that.
It’s just incredible to me that all of these things finally came together so that we could have our son. I don’t know if I believe in miracles, but I think Adam is about as close as you can get.
Adam, 7 weeks
6 Weeks February 22, 2007
Adam turned 6 weeks old yesterday. He’s already changing in so many ways. He’s now making eye contact which I just love. I could just gaze into those big eyes of his forever. He’s been smiling for a while now, but he’s doing it more frequently and in a bigger fashion these days. It’s so cute. He’s also been staying awake for longer portions of the day, and is so much more attentive and interactive now.
Things are getting a little bit easier. He’s still sleeping short stretches at night, so I’m not getting any more sleep, but I think my body is getting used to it to some degree. I’ve even managed to go several days in a row without shedding a single tear of frustration.
Breastfeeding still isn’t an easy thing for me, but we are making progress. Making it to 6 weeks was a huge goal for me, and I’m proud to have made it to this point. I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to. My next goal is making it to the 2 month mark.
I still have an issue that’s driving me bonkers with regards to breastfeeding, though. I have a very persistent, and quite painful, milk blister. It tends to bring me back to the feelings of the first few weeks when the nipple soreness would leave me cringing while uttering a few choice words. I think if I could just get rid of the darn thing, I would feel better about breastfeeding in general. So, if anyone has any “been there, done that” tips, I’d greatly appreciate them.
I’ve continued with the dairy free diet, and it’s definitely helping. It’s so much easier when Adam’s not crying or pulling away while feeding. I did have a slight slip up this past weekend when I thought it might be ok to consume a cupcake and a dinner with questionable dairy status, and the results weren’t pretty. The fussy baby who didn’t like to feed came back for a visit, but we’re back on track now.
I’ve started pumping a little bit now, too, in hopes of being able to let Dan take an overnight feed or two during the weekends when he doesn’t have to get up early for work the next day. I also pumped and gave Adam some expressed milk by bottle the other day just so I could have a mini break. I found that to be helpful, too.
I tend to find it difficult to fit in pumping given that Adam eats so frequently, but I’ve managed to do it a few times now. I’m only getting 2 ounces total per pumping session with the manual pump, and that’s not enough for one feed. I’m wondering if buying an electric pump might help, but I’m not sure.
So things overall are getting a bit easier, but I still have my moments, like yesterday when the thought of trying to make the trip into the city for my 6 week postpartum checkup left me so anxious that I called and rescheduled. It was just too much to contemplate the 80 minute round trip drive, plus the long wait in the waiting room, all while trying to figure out the whole feeding thing that I just didn’t feel I could do it. I rescheduled for a first thing in the morning appointment when Dan can come along with us.
I guess it’s just going to take a while before I feel confident about motherhood in general, along with all of the specific things that I find challenging like breastfeeding. We’re making progress, though, and that feels good.
A Bit of Perspective February 16, 2007
I really hope I don’t sound ungrateful these days. I’m having a tough time, but boy am I so very thankful that we finally have Adam. I know that a year or two ago I would have killed for these challenges. I haven’t forgetten what it took to get here. So, while I may need to vent from time to time, I’m not complaining.
Things aren’t easy right now, but dealing with infertility and IVF was much harder. I now have what I waited for five years for. Honestly, it’s more challenging than I imagined, but oh so very worth it.
Instead of whining today, I’m just going to post the latest pics of our cutie pie. The tough times don’t seem quite as tough when I look at that little face.
Roller Coaster Days February 15, 2007
I’ve thought about posting several times since my last post, and it’s amazing to me how different the topic and/or tone would have been each different time had I actually gotten around to sit down and type something out. Things can go from easy to hard and back again at a moment’s notice. It’s not uncommon for me to start the day with a good attitude and a smile on my face and end up in tears later on. Heck, it’s not uncommon for the opposite to happen, too.
Breastfeeding is still kicking my ass. I’m determined to stick it out, but sometimes I just don’t know if I have it in me. I have to keep reminding myself that no where does it say that I have to love, or even like, it. I’m doing this for him. That’s what’s important. I know my sanity is important, too, but I really want to do this for him. This is my one chance. I want to make breastfeeding work for the long haul.
There have been some improvements. I decided to cut out all dairy from my diet to see if that helped any. Today is day number 11 of the no dairy diet, and I think it’s helping. The pulling away from the breast and screaming while feeding episodes have virtually been eliminated. It’s quite challenging going dairy free. I mean, that stuff is in everything, but it’s worth it if it helps.
I really think the sleep deprivation is compounding the issue. I’m one of those people who needs a good amount of quality sleep to function, and it’s just not happening. Sleeping for 2 hours or less at a time is making me a bit of a cranky pants.
I keep listening hard to all of the voices that say that things will get easier. Adam’s just over 5 weeks old, and I know that we may have a ways to go before they truly do. A girl can hope, though. Honestly, my main goal right now is to just make it to the stage where I can go more than a day or two without breaking down in tears.
It’s most definitely not all frustrating, though. I can just stare at that cute little face forever. And no matter how discouraged I get, that makes it all more than worth it.
Has It Been a Month Already? February 10, 2007
Adam turned one month old today. It’s a bit hard for me to believe.
Things have been going a bit better the past few days. The frequency of hard feeds has decreased, and that’s done wonders for both Adam’s and my frustration levels.
I am just so in love with our little guy, and he brings me unmeasurable joy. It’s amazing to watch how much he’s changed in a month’s time. He’s an incredible little man.
You know, I often wondered while we were in the midst of all of the IVF stuff why it just didn’t work the first time or second time or heck, even the sixth time. I couldn’t understand why we were dealt the multiple failed cycle hand or why we had to face multiple losses along the way. Well, I get it now. If we didn’t go through all of that then we wouldn’t have Adam. He’s the one we were waiting for all of that time. It had to be him.
Exactly When Does It Get Easier? February 6, 2007
I’m having a hard times these days. I feel like I’ve hit a wall, a big unscalable wall.
I don’t know exactly what’s going on with Adam and breastfeeding, but it’s rough. He cries, grunts, pops off the boob, and just generally seems like he’s not enjoying the experience one bit. I don’t know if it’s reflux, a food allergy or sensitivity, strong letdown, or just his version of normal. I just know that when he cries, I cry. We’re both beyond frustrated at this point.
I really am determined to stick with it, but it’s hard. That combined with the fact that I’m struggling to get enough sleep to function at least somewhat makes for some crazy times around here. The “nap when he naps” thing isn’t working for me for numerous reasons, so I’m left with what fractured sleep I can get at night.
It’s so much harder now that Dan is back at work. He works pretty long hours, so by the time he gets home at night, I’m ready to crash. The weekends are better, but they don’t seem to come around often enough.
I love this little guy so much. I hate that I can’t seem to do enough or be enough for him. I just want to be able to feed him and comfort him. The truth of the matter is that while I’d very much like for things to get easier for me, what I really want is for things to get easier for him.
Flying Solo January 31, 2007
Dan went back to work on Monday thus the lack of posting. Of course this coincided with Adam going on a growth spurt turning him into a cluster feeding madman. It’s definitely an adjustment.
Breastfeeding is getting a little easier. I was encouraged after Adam had his two week well visit last Friday. At birth he weighed 6 lbs, 10 oz. When he was discharged from the hospital, he was 6 lbs, 4 oz. At his doctor’s appointment when he was 5 days old, he was down to 6 lbs, 2 oz. All normal, of course, but it’s hard when breastfeeding is challenging, and you don’t know how much he’s really getting. Well, at his Friday appointment, at 16 days of age, he was up to 7 lbs, 3oz. At least we know my boobs are working to at least some extent.
Adam is 3 weeks old today, and it’s pretty amazing to me how much he’s changed already. I don’t know if it’s a coincidence or not, but it seems like he just woke up right around his due date. That was this past weekend. Before then he was a sleepy, sleepy baby who had to be woken up for feedings. Now he’s awake a lot more, and eats pretty darn frequently.
We’re still very much trying to figure out the sleeping thing. I think we’re on our fifth sleeping arrangement now. It’s all a learning process, I know, and it is getting a little bit better as we make our way along.
I’m pretty much operating on a “whatever works” policy as I adjust into my new stay at home mom role. Shite, I still can’t believe I’m his mom. Crazy. Anyway, we’re doing ok trying to figure this stuff out together. It’s not always easy, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
Things I’ve Learned in the Past Two Weeks January 25, 2007
It’s hard to believe that as of last night Adam has been with us for two weeks. It’s definitely not been an easy couple of weeks, but we’re doing a bit better every day. It’s taking time to figure out what the heck we’re doing, but that’s to be expected. So far I’ve learned that…
1. Even though I had countless blood draws throughout all of the IVF stuff without flinching an inch, it makes me physically ill to watch Adam get them. My reactions have ranged from physically shuddering to turning white as a ghost. He had a bunch of heel sticks because of the jaundice issue, but as of a week ago he’s officially done with the bili blanket. I’m glad that’s behind us.
2. Dan is an amazing dad. I knew he would be, but it is so awesome watching him interact with our little man. I honestly don’t think I could have gotten through the past two weeks without him. He goes back to work on Monday, and I’m so not looking forward to that.
3. The physical recovery is both easier and harder than I expected. My body is recovering fine. I didn’t have any tear or episiotomy issues to deal with so that helped. Plus, I managed to lose 17 of the 28 pounds I gained while pregnant in the first week and a half. However, the hormone crash has been really hard to deal with. Like everything else, though, it’s getting a little bit better as time passes.
4. Breastfeeding is hard. It’s getting better, but it’s not an easy thing. I think I’ve gotten through most of my “I can’t do this anymore” moments so I consider that an accomplishment in itself.
5. The My Best Friend pillow kicks the Boppy’s ass for breastfeeding. I was having so much trouble getting a good position for both me and Adam with the Boppy, so I ordered the other one. Ah, it makes such a difference.
6. Slings rock. I wore Adam in the sling for the first time today and immediately my mood changed. It’s wonderful to be able to get up, walk around, and get a few things done while still having the little guy right up next to me.
7. Being able to get even a few minutes of fresh air can make a huge difference. It’s been so cold and rainy here the past two weeks that we haven’t been able to leave the house except for doctor’s appointments. Today it finally warmed up some and the sun came out, so we were able to take our first walk around the neighborhood. So nice.
8. I love being a mom. Sometimes I still can’t believe it, but it’s even more than I thought it would be.
The Power of a Song January 22, 2007
Last night during one of our overnight feeding and changing sessions, Dan turned on some music. He has a ton of music on the computer, and he had it set to play in shuffle mode. The first song that came up was a Sarah McLaughlin song off of an album that I also have on my iPod.
That particular song and that particular album have a special meaning for me. It is one of my go-to albums when I need a calming influence. I listened to it during the prep for the retrieval that produced the egg that created Adam. I listened to it during my transfer for that last FET that included the embryo that ended up being Adam. I listened to it while waiting for many of my appointments while pregnant with Adam. And we even listened to it on the way to the hospital to deliver Adam.
As I sat there, breastfeeding our little man while listening to the music that has come to symbolize the soundtrack of the creation of him, everything came full circle for me. I have to admit that everything isn’t easy right now. I never expected it to be. However, in that moment, the sleep deprivation, breastfeeding difficulties, and hormone crashes seemed insignificant. I don’t think I’ll ever forget how special that moment truly was.
My Little Glow-Worm January 16, 2007
Adam had his first pediatrician appointment yesterday. (I know I neglected to blog about it, but I ended up finding a good ped.) Adam was born with a large contusion on the sole of his foot (which no one could figure out the cause of) that put him at an increased risk of jaundice. They did a 36 hour bilirubin test at the hospital, and his pediatrician wanted to follow up on that yesterday.
He’s been looking pretty yellow, and with one look at him, the pediatrician warned us that if his bilirubin level came back over 20 then he’d have to be hospitalized. Of course, the thought of that did not sit with me well at all.
We had to go over to the hospital in order to get a stat level bilirubin level run. After waiting in admitting for a year and a half then getting his test done and then waiting an hour for the results (the ped didn’t want us going back home in case Adam needed to be admitted) we were pretty much at our wit’s end. Adam was fantastic throughout it all, though.
We finally got the results back, and his bilirubin level was at 18.2. That is high and does means he has jaundice, but at least it meant that we could do what needed to be done at home. We got a phototherapy blanket and have to keep it on him 24/7 until his levels drop. He has to have his levels tested daily until then. While the phototherapy stuff isn’t exactly fun to deal with, I’m just glad to do whatever it takes to keep him home.
Adam is being a trooper. He’s got some neon green lights hooked onto his back at all times making him to appear very much glow- worm-like, but he’s hanging in there just fine.
He’s such an amazing little guy. It’s still a bit surreal to me to be sitting here typing with one hand while I hold my son with the other, but I’m absolutely loving every minute of it. I can’t tell you how many times Dan or I have turned to the other and said how much he was worth the wait. My little glow-worm most surely was.
ETA: I just remembered that Dan took a picture of glowing Adam yesterday.
We’re Home January 13, 2007
Oh, I barely know where to begin. Thank you all so much for all of your good wishes and congratulations.
I guess I should start from Wednesday morning. We arrived at the hospital at 7am and was hooked up to the monitors shortly thereafter. I was 80% effaced and 1cm dilated and having contractions 5 minutes apart.
The nurse started Pitocin at 8:15 and the OB broke my water at 8:50. Then I learned what contractions were truly like. I got my epidural at 9:45 and waited for progress. By noon I had made it to 4cm and to 6cm by 4:15. They inserted an internal monitor at 4:30 to make sure the contractions were strong enough, and they were. My OB checked me 6:45 and declared me ready to push.
The contractions were coming every two minutes, and I pushed through all but maybe one or two of them for the next 3 hours. My epidural decided it wanted to run out at the end when I desperately needed it the most. That’s when the tears started flowing, not only because of the pain but because I was so scared that he wasn’t going to be ok when he came out.
At 9:44pm, I finally managed to push the little guy out, and then my worst nightmare occurred. Instead of hearing beautiful cries, I watched on as the doctors and nurses rushed my little boy over to another part of the room to start bagging him. He wasn’t breathing at all. They called the neonatal team who then took him out of the room to work on him so more. All the while I am freaking the hell out, I mean truly freaking out.
Thankfully they got him going and allowed Dan to go see him. When they were done working on me, they brought him back into the room so I could hold him. His little hands were still blue, but he was breathing on his own. I found out that his one minute Apgar score was 4, but that his 5 minute score was 9.
Dan, Adam, and I hung out together in the room for about an hour in a half. I don’t think I ever really stopped crying, but my tears turned to tears of joy. Holding him for the first time was truly a dream come true.
They then took him to the transitional nursery for a little while to observe him and give him a bath, etc. While there he decided to give everyone another scare by dropping his oxygen saturation level to 30% and turning blue. That bought him an overnight stay in the Level II NICU for observation. They let us visit for a few minutes at 4:30am and again for a bit at 6am. That’s the first time I got him to really latch on and breastfeed. He had been through too much at delivery to really be interested any earlier.
He got released from the NICU at 8am on Thursday and brought again to the transitional nursery where he was released to our room around 9:00. From then until we were discharged from the hospital last night, he stayed with us and maintained his breathing just fine.
Last night was a long one. We’re all learning together, and learning on very little sleep. Oh, but it’s so worth it, though. All of it, every second of the long road that led us here. He’s just perfect, and I am absolutely, without a doubt, in love.
Adam Daniel
Born 1/10/07 at 9:44pm
6 pounds, 10 ounces
19″ long
